The world isn't evil

 The world isn’t evil. The world is in pain. People aren’t evil. People are in pain.

How pride messes up our lives part 2

Lately, I’ve become more and more aware of how much easier my life would be if I in different situations had chosen to “love my enemies”, “turned the other cheek” or “done unto others what I would have had them do unto me”. It takes some contemplation to realise how different the probable outcome of many situations would have been, had I followed Jesus’ example. If I would have tried to see the other person’s perspective, apologised and admitted my part in what transpired or forgave instead of judged. What kept me from doing so? Pride is what kept me from doing so.

Breathing

I’ve discovered something amazing! Or, other people have also discovered it (it’s a pretty basic part of mindfulness training). But until it really clicked for me, I sort of thought that they were exaggerating.

What I’ve discovered is that when I focus on my breath, I become centred in the now. My breath becomes calm, even and free. It's more like I'm being breathed, than that I'm doing the breathing.

When I’m centred in the now, I get more energy, feel more loving and experience more of the now. I also feel how my body relaxes and things just seem to flow more easily in general.

The reason I didn’t get this to work before, was that I got distracted from my breath within seconds without noticing it. And then I got lost in thoughts, just like I’ve for a long time have noticed that I, and everyone else, do most of the time. 

I still get distracted and lost in thoughts, but the more I practice remembering to focus on my breath, the easier it becomes to get back to the now.

The only thing that we need to do, to get to this amazing state, is to practice more and more on focusing on our breath. 

You might think that focusing on the breath would be a distraction from other things that are going one. But in fact, it’s the opposite. When we focus on the breath, we become more focused on everything else in the now as well.

This is so amazing and so simple, that I can’t believe that I haven’t made it a priority until now.

I wish to conclude with that I think that the Bible verse, as with so many other Bible verses, holds some significance that tend to pass people by. I believe that every breath is a gift from God. But since breath is always there, we tend to miss how amazing it feels to just breathe, when we just focus on the breath and accept the air with joy and gratitude. 

Sorting out spiritual priorities part 2

Now, if I keep my focus on God, God’s love and God’s will, can I trust that life will take me where God wants me to be? I think that this is a fairly important question, so I suggest that you read it again. Go ahead! If you do, you can skip the last four sentences of this paragraph and skip to the next one. It will only take a couple of seconds. And you’ve already wasted a couple of seconds reading my nagging about the opening sentence. So why not waste a few more? And unlike these last four sentences, which are just a bunch of nonsense, the first sentence actually communicates something that at least I deem important.

So, why is this question important? Because many people seem to answer it with a big “no”. And because it has to do with our ability to trust God.

Maybe in the end it all comes down to what I out my time and energy into. 

All of this is so difficult. There are so many questions. For example: What beliefs do I hold for other reasons than because those are the ones that I have the best reasons to hold? What beliefs do I hold because they are part of a self-image that I don’t want to let go of? What beliefs do I hold because they are safe? How far can I trust my own experiences? My own memory of my experiences? How much, in general, do my fears and wishes govern my beliefs?

Just now, I realised that maybe I just haven’t found my place entirely in God’s plan.I know that I’m neither the monk nor the blue-collar family man, that I used as examples in part 1. And even though I wouldn’t mind being one, I’m no rock star either. 

What I do know is that I love books, creativity, meditation and that I’m very interested in how I and other people function. Maybe I should run with that and peel away other stuff from my life and see what happens.

But I was also almost missing something. This something is nothing that I have not thought of before. But since I’m trying to get my priorities straight here, this has to go into it. It wasn’t as if I didn’t touch upon this in the first post either, but some more clarity seems vital. The real question asked here after all, would be: What do all people that aspire to live with God need to have and/or develop in their lives?

Something that the monk, the blue-collar family man, the rock star and anyone else that wants to live with God have in common. We need to develop character and do our best to remove those things from our lives, that keep us from God. All of this means of course that we need grow in the kindness and compassion that we show for other people. There is in all this also a call to transcend our lower desires, egoistic wishes and wants. 

It can all probably be boiled down to “follow Jesus’ example”.

And in all of this, maybe I don’t need to make such an issue about certain things. And maybe if a certain idea or way of looking at reality helps me to be a better person and live a better life, I can at least explore it and use it, until I find something concrete that tells me that it’s not a to do so. Of course with as much discernment as I can muster up. I must be vigilant and not close my eyes to how different things make me feel inside. 

The question is: Does this bring me closer to- or further away from God?

How pride messes up our lives part 1

I’ve thought a lot about how there seems to be a divine structure behind everything. And how, if we’re truly humble, it will be more or less self-evident what to do in any given situation, where there is a right and wrong conduct. We might make ourselves believe otherwise. And we might tell ourselves that we didn’t know better or that everything is relative or whatever. But somewhere we know what is right and wrong. But our pride keeps us from admitting this both to ourselves and others. Our pride keeps us from asking for forgiveness.

Being okay with making mistakes

For most of my adult life, I’ve been swinging back and forth between hubris and feeling that I’m worthless. If I’ve made a mistake, I’ve more or less unconsciously assumed that I’m stupid. I’ve even, in spite of knowing that it isn’t so, unconsciously assumed that I’m the only person in the world that makes the kinds of mistakes that I make. It took a long time for me to notice this. But knowing it, I think that I can being to let go and accept that I’m not perfect. That I don’t have to be. That I’m not better than others and that I therefore have the same right as they have to make mistakes.

I should probably stop beating myself up though

Because even though I see how I fall when it comes to being humble and trusting God, I have become more courageous. More genuine and more loving. I still often let my thoughts get the best of me. But I am better at holding my tongue and think of how my speech affects other people. Not all the time. But I’m definitely seeing improvement. I'm a slow learner when it comes to all of this being-a-good-person stuff. But I'm definitely getting better.

Slipping and slipping and slipping

While publishing a series of posts about humility, I could easily conclude that … well … I’m there again. And again, I didn’t notice. I’ve started to feel pride for working hard. For understanding things. I’ve started to say “me, me, me”. And even if I say that I trust God, I don’t show that trust through my words and my actions. I want to surrender to God. I feel that it should be easy, because God only demands humility. Why is it so hard for me to be humble? Why, after all I’ve experienced, is it so hard to just relax and let go? 

Humility part 4

When I humbly ask God to guide and carry me, and I actually manage to take a step back and allow God to do so, I find that life becomes easy. I accept things as they are, I’m guided towards what I’m supposed to do and I have an endless energy reservoir to pour from. But then I fall back into my old ego-patterns and life becomes hard again.

But it is getting better. I do feel my ego getting weaker. One day, I will be free from this small self that wants to be admired, wants to be right and wants reality to be a certain way.

The ultimate truths about spirituality

I want to apologise beforehand if this post seems a bit confused. It's because I'm a rather confused person. I think almost everyone is. Most people just don't know it.

I’m going back and forth a lot in my life. I guess I’m trying to figure out things that I can’t really figure out with my rational mind. But there are things that I can know. But let’s begin with a few sentences about what I feel that I cannot know.

So, I feel somehow called to Christ. And I feel that I in some sense have to accept the basics of a Christian life, with all that it entails, including the virgin birth and that Christ died for our sins and was resurrected on the third day after his death. But maybe these things don’t mean what most people think that they mean. Maybe they are not supposed to be taken literally? Then again, maybe they are supposed to be taken literally and maybe they mean exactly what people in general think that they mean.

But I cannot force myself to believe something. Or to understand the rationale behind it. 

And on top of this, there are so many strange things that are happening, that don’t at all fit in with conventional Christianity. I mean, really weird, wonderful stuff that I don’t know what to make of.

And there are so many people that I talk to, read things by, or in other ways take part of their thoughts, that are so convinced that their truth is the right truth. So many people that cannot all be right. I know somehow in my heart that it's right to follow Jesus. But what does this mean? What is important? Is it important to believe the right things? Do the right things? Develop the right character? All of it? Why would it be important to believe the right things, about things that I simply cannot know? How can I believe the right things?

This is all so confusing, frightening, beautiful and wonderful at the same time. And the only thing that I feel that I can do, is keep reading, investigating and pondering these matters. 

And stumble.

I stumble so much.

Maybe all of this will be revealed to me eventually. But for now, I simply cannot know. But what I can know and understand, is the life that Jesus called us to live. It’s clear that he called us to live simple, humble, accepting and above else God-loving lives. He gave himself as an example of how to do this and now it’s up to us to figure out how to follow him in our own lives, within our individual circumstances.

However, as with so many words, these little words: “simple”, “humble”, “accepting” and “God-loving” call for some contemplation. Because over the years, I’ve come to realise that we often do not engage in any deeper thinking about the words that we use. Consequently, we know their meanings very loosely and on top of that, we always mean different things with the words that we use. And some words are truly worth considering, because what meanings and importance we give to them, are closely related to our character. So, what do these words mean to you?

I know that while I cannot know the truth about events that I was not around to witness, I can know how I relate to concepts that I deem important. I can contemplate what I need to improve with regard to them. I can, in a sense, find moral truths if I look for them in my heart. I can do what I can to see the truth about myself as clearly as possible. Even if I don’t like what I find.

Sorting out spiritual priorities part 1

This is not the first time I talk about how easy it is to get lost in life. Especially in the spiritual life. My quest for God for example, has led me down so many roads throughout my life. At many times, I found myself just walking a road, while having lost sight of my original intent. 

What is important, I believe, is to live for God. I don’t believe that this is the same for all people. For some, it might mean to become a monk and life in a monastery. Someone else might live an ordinary family life, working a blue-collar job and just trying his or her best to build a strong character, be there for others and humbly accept everything that life throws at him or her. Yet another might become a rock star that really makes an effort to be a good role model for his or her fans. 

Whatever one is put on earth to do though, God has to be in all of it. God has to come first. I’ve not always been good at letting God come first. I’ve done some really crappy things, even after I started believing in God. Even after my belief turned into a knowing. If you read some of my other blog posts, you will get an idea of what I mean, even if I haven’t shared the worst yet. Far from it. Maybe some day. If God wants me to.

But I’m not writing this post to talk about how bad I was in the past. This post is mainly about our craving for firm beliefs. A lot of weird stuff has happened in my life. A lot of weird stuff is happening in the world right now. And somehow, the weird stuff in my life, is connected to what is going on in the world. And I want so badly to jump to conclusions as to what it all means. 

Some things point to things that go way outside of common biblical interpretation. And other things point straight to the Bible. 

But what I need to keep focus on is God. Specifically my personal relationship with God, to grow in love of God and to do my best to understand and surrender to God’s will. This must be my focus.

Apart from this, I guess that I have to be content with not knowing. Not knowing my place in the world. Not knowing why I have the experiences that I have or what they mean. Ultimately, not knowing if I’m right with God or not. I have only felt love, forgiveness and undeserved grace from God. And yet, I’m afraid. Yet, I doubt that God can ever accept me. I see my meanness, pettiness, egoism etcetera. Clearer and clearer each day. Sometimes I’m even afraid that I’m just going to find out one terrible truth after another about myself. One terrible truth after another, until it is finally clear beyond any doubt, that I deserve condemnation. 

Then I realise that my thoughts probably have turned sort of neurotic. I don't really believe what I said in the last paragraph. But sometimes I catch my thoughts speculating about stuff like that. I bet some other people do as well. Did I just put negative thoughts into someone's head by my writing? Or did I make someone else feel less alone? I guess I'll probably never know.

And I can see the good in me as well. I want to want what’s good for its own sake. For God’s sake. For other people’s sake and for the world’s sake. And I do want what’s good for its own etcetera sake. As long as life is meaningful, that’s all I need to care. And life is meaningful.

This post didn’t exactly turn out the way I planned it. I think that there will be a part two soon.

Humility part 3

I’ve come to realise that when I puff myself up, failure feels much more painful. When my pride is hurt, my ego is hurt and I feel shame. I feel that I should be better, when I in fact should be exactly who I am - a beloved child of God that never has to prove anything to anyone. 

Humility part 2

You may ask what is wrong with taking pride in our accomplishments. First, there is nothing wrong with it. At least not in a demonstrable, objective way. There may not be anything wrong with anything at all for that matter. But what I’ve come to realise, is that everything we do, especially when it comes to habitual patterns, affects us. It affects our character. This can be both a good and a bad thing, depending on how we approach it.

Humility part 1

We often talk of humility as an important virtue. But I believe humility is one of the trickiest virtues to acquire. When I look at my own inner life and try to be as honest as I can, I find how boastfulness, pride and other traits often sneak into my conversations with people. I talk a little too much about going to the gym and staying in shape. I catch myself wanting to sound smart and educated when I talk about certain topics to people. Even when I admit my lack of humility to others, there is a part of me that seems to say: “Look at me! Look how humble I am for admitting my shortcomings.”

Taking time to think

I’m not the first one in the world to notice that we distract ourselves a lot these days. 

Do our thoughts shape our lives? Does how we treat our thoughts affect what and how we think?

I know that I could be a lot better at this myself. I may not sit with my phone a lot. But I almost always listen to some audiobook or YouTuber when I do things. I work, read or watch movies when I’m at home. The only times I really just sit or lie down and think is when I’m tired and feel that I need to rest for a while. And quite often, as now for example, interesting thoughts come to me. Many, as the one that led to this post, are not ground breaking. But they usually expand my perspective a little in some small ways, if I don’t just let them pass me by, but think a little about them and what they mean to me and my life.

Refusing cynicism

It’s very easy to become cynical in the world. It’s easy to think that everyone is just out to serve themselves and that authenticity drowns in the hunt for profit. It’s especially easy to think this of public figures. But what do we really know? Sure, sometimes we do know. But when we, if we're being truly honest with ourselves about what we can know for sure, conclude that we truly don't know, isn’t it better to assume good, honest, authentic intentions, when we really have nothing to base our judgment on? Isn’t this ultimately a question about whether we believe the world and other people to be fundamentally good or bad? And isn’t this ultimately a question about what we truly believe about ourselves? Maybe it is even a question of what we believe about God.

My going back and forth

There is a lot of going back and forth in my head right now. On the one hand, there is the calling to Christ that I feel so strongly. On the other hand, there are all of these experiences that I have, that in spiritual circles refer to what is called “The Ascension Process”. I think that I need to talk about this with as clear words as possible. I don’t want to talk about my spiritual experiences, as I believe that they are personal and that I at most should talk about them with my family and closest friends. Maybe not even them. I’ve found that talking about them mainly serves to blow up my ego.

But basically, I’m starting to realise that I’m this whole different other person, from the one that I thought that I was. 

It seems to be my lot in life to walk in uncertainty. I know several people that claim to remember past lives (there are also arguments for reincarnation being spoken about in The Bible, so this does to necessarily contradict Christianity), but I don’t have any such memories. Some of these people I have a lot of confidence. And yet, since I can’t even trust my own experiences or my interpretations of them, I cannot just accept their testimonies as truth. 

This is where I am. I guess that I just have to accept the uncertainty and trust that things will come together in the end, even though, from where I stand right now, it does not seem possible. 

Many people have tried to convince me to see the world, religion and spirituality their way. But so far, they have not succeeded. Because the evidence haven’t been there. And I’m too aware of my own ability to deceive myself, and therefore of other people’s ability to do the same, to take anyone’s word for anything.

I pray to God every day to lead me on the right path and I need to trust that God will show me the way. Because something that I do know, is that God is a personal God and that God cares for me.

Character part 1

It’s not about what you do, but who your actions shape you into. 

I would say that I’ve lived a life that makes me somewhat qualified to talk about character. In my past, I used to be a nihilist. I was lazy, I lied if I thought that it would benefit me and I indulged any momentary urge if its gratification was within reach. This meant that I acquired habits that were hard to break. It also meant that I built up a life where I was more prone to lie and put myself first in the future. At first, when I started to find meaning and wanted to live a different life, I was so disconnected from myself, that I didn’t see all the baggage that was still there. I basically thought that I was just going to become a good person over night, just by deciding to be.

Character, I believe, would be how we bridge the gap between justification by faith and by action. I don’t think that I’m alone in feeling an aversion towards the idea that if you just do enough good deeds, you’re okay no matter what kind of person you are on the inside. 

Neither do I think that I’m alone in feeling an aversion towards the idea that faith is all that is required. Especially when faith comes down to believing in the right things. This, I think, would be even worse than the “just do good deeds” bit. Especially since good deeds tend to have a positive effect on one’s character, while forcing oneself to believe certain things out of fear of punishment and hope for rewards doesn’t seem to do anything good for anyone. 

Here I wish to interject something. I don’t know what happens when we die. I know that we go on existing in some way and I may have some idea what might happen. I don’t think that we will be tortured forever if we’re not right with God though. I don’t know, but I find this incompatible with the idea of a good God that is almighty, which would logically imply that God could choose not to let us suffer for eternity. But I don’t know. There could be something that I’m missing here. 

The point though, is that I don’t believe that we are totally liberated from any sorts of consequences for our actions or the people that we are either. 

One thought, which is in line with the idea of character being central to our spiritual lives, is that our punishment or reward is simply that we have to live with ourselves. We can, like I did, numb the pain of being people that we don’t like, by telling ourselves that there is no right or wrong and that nothing matters. We can numb the pain on the outside by distracting ourselves with things, money, work, addictions etcetera. We can even fool ourselves that everything is okay by convincing others of it.

But in the end, we are always there. And one thing that I believe that we can be fairly certain of when it comes to the afterlife, no matter what else it holds in store for us, is that we won’t be able to bring with us any of our distractions from this life.

Creativity and passion

Many things are creative. But all creative things aren’t equal. I’ve been thinking about what separates different creative works from others. In one sense there is what we collectively agree upon. Critics and people in general determine the value of something.

But out of nowhere it hit me: on a personal level, the value of one’s creativity is the passion one feels for it. 

I always feel life breathing down my neck part 2

There is another side to this though. Throughout my life I’ve often been quite lazy and inactive. I’ve taken the comfortable route. Maybe not more so than most people, but couple this with some bad decisions, bad prioritising, some refusal to accept reality, avoidance of problems, procrastination and a general inability to organise one’s everyday life, and you have a recipe for a big mess that you have to clean up if you want to live a life that you’re happy with.

Now, I’ve gradually cleaned up this mess more and more. For the most part, it has been life forcing me to reluctantly face reality and do what I have to do to avoid total disaster. This is not how I want to live my life though.

And what I’ve realised, is that, even though it causes a lot of stress for me, I feel best when I’m engaged in stuff. When my life is moving. This is probably not for everyone, but I believe that I’ve been living a life that is very out of line with how I function. I mostly love having a lot to do, as long as the doing doesn’t consist of fixing unforeseen problems. And I feel worst when I’m not moving. When I just sit and chill on the sofa. Except for when chilling on the sofa is a reward I give to myself for having performed a good job.

I always feel life breathing down my neck part 1

It’s no fun admitting this. It was my wife that pointed this out to me. She feels like I’m always going somewhere. I always have something that I need to do. I can never stop to be fully present because of it. But she needs to see her part in it and put away her phone when she is with me, because it’s a constant distraction even if she isn’t always tinkering with it. It takes her attention away from me at least as much as my projects takes my attention away from her. It’s always present and at any given moment there can be a message that she has to check or even a phone call that she feels like she has to take.

Another weird thing, is that I’m able to be present when I work, meditate, dance or do yoga. But not when I’m just simply enjoying myself or the company of others. Because then I always have something productive that I could be doing in the back of my mind. And if what I’m enjoying costs money, this too is in the back of my mind.

Thy will be done part 1

Thy will be done or my will be done? This is something that seems to run through everything when it comes to our relationship with God. It is something that can be practiced every day as we go through our lives. And it is something that is talked about in all the major religions, as well as in countless spiritual traditions. In every given moment, we can choose to surrender to the will of God, or we can resist what is. In every given moment, we can choose to follow our little ego as it struggles to have its way, no matter what reality is. Or we can surrender to God. 

But there is something more to this. This insight was sort of an aha-moment yesterday, when I listened to John Ortberg. But now that I’m writing it down, it seems like nothing new. I’ll have to think some more about this and make a part 2. I’m sure God will let it come back to me, because I know that it was something important. 

On "food for thought"

Something that I’ve noticed, is that the most valuable insights don’t always come from teachers. They often come from fellow students. And often they come from something that someone says to me, that brings me to have an insight of my own. Maybe someone shares something from their life that I can relate to, which sets my thoughts in motion in a certain direction, till I reach some kind of breakthrough. 

That is what I want to do with this blog. Not teach stuff, but share what I’ve learned through observing my life, using the knowledge that I’ve gathered so far, as the lens through which I’m observing myself. I want my self-observation to function as food for thoughts for others as they observe themselves.

Freedom in God or slavery to the ego

It took a long time for me to see this. Just with so many things in life, I was blind to what was in front of me. But from what I can tell, there are really just these two options.

What I’ve come to realise is that as far as I’m concerned, I live in a very confused state. And I bet it’s the same for other people as well. My blog is probably a good place to start if you want to understand this confusion better, as it is basically what I’m analysing in my blog posts.

I have several wills inside of me compete with each other. Sometimes I decide on one thing. But then I talk myself into justifying the opposite. Not because of some new information. But because I argue myself into believing something else. Most of the time something that is in line with my lower nature and more instant gratification. And then I realise that I suffer because of it - or make other people suffer sometimes - and so I’m back to my original intent.

And even though I know this, I keep falling into the same trap over and over again.

I think that I’ve unpacked something of what is going on here. I’m not a psychologist, so I don’t know all the technical details when it comes to this. And what I’ve understood so far, can be summed up in a couple of sentences. We have our unconscious, that many psychologists, mainly psycho-analytics and the likes, governs most of our behaviour. In it, There we have a mess, consisting of our neurosises, our unconscious, repressed urges, wants, wishes, needs and desires. Then we have a neurological cocktail of neurological-transmitters in our heads and bodies, that call us to do certain actions. 

Then we have the details of the situation itself. Did you know that whether a criminal gets pardoned or not, is heavily influenced by what time and day of the week it is? Or that our answers to questions concerning well-being or the belief about someone’s character, is heavily influenced by the words and the order of the words in the questionnaire? What other unknown factors influence us in our lives? Could, for example, a background noise, that we have shut out from our consciousness, cause us to make a decision that we otherwise would not have made?

Furthermore, we have our habits. These habits are, on a neurological level, connections between different neurons, whose strength depends on several factors, mainly how long we have engaged in the habit, what emotions and memories that are connected to it, how much we focus on the habit mentally and how much importance we attach to it. 

I might have missed some important factor, but you get the idea. If we have formed the habit of reacting a certain way in a certain situation, you are will likely react in that way, unless some other factor compels you to do otherwise. One such factor, the most important one I would say, is becoming conscious that we are reacting in a habitual way. 

But even if we do realise that we are acting in a habitual way, we still have all of the other factors to consider. To try to be aware of even a fraction of all of these factors, is enough to go insane. Let alone to try and actually figure out what we are supposed to do with them. 

This could lead to the, in my view, pessimistic idea of determinism, which basically denies free will, even if there are many different philosophies about it, that view the free will, the lack and degree of lack thereof, in different ways. I will discuss the philosophy a bit more in future posts, but I will not talk that much about the specific kinds of determinisms that exist. What I find important, is what can actually be said of free will contra determinism and how this can be related to our spiritual lives.

Knowing that there is a God, that this God is personal, and that some sort of spiritual reality and at least strongly believing that there is a divine order to things, ordained by God, I can basically find only two appropriate responses to this. The first is to try to get a closer relationship with this God. And the other is to find out what this divine order is and try to live by it. These two choices can be made freely. If we trust that God is Almighty, and that he wants what’s best for us, we should also be able to make these choices knowing that they well produce the best results both for ourselves and others. 

In return, we will receive a compass. Not one that we will be able to always follow, or even read correctly. But it is something tangible. And if we have faith in God and his will, we can trust that it does its best to guide us right, while at the same time respecting our free will. And with time, we might get better at following it. 

Financial advice from a man with financial problems

Why should you take financial advice from someone with financial problems? The answer to that question is most of the time that you shouldn’t. But if you also have problems with money, and you are still lying to yourself and others about money, I’m at least one step ahead of you. 

I admit that money matter to me. I do my best to accept where I currently am. I try my best to be happy and grateful for what I’ve got and to see that all that ultimately matters, is my relationship with God. But I admit that financial problems is a huge stress factor in my life. 

So, this is what I've realised:

I want to have resources to really help other people. Not just help others in similar financial situations as my own to put some band-aid on huge wounds. Band-aid that burns huge holes in my own pocket. 

I want to go abroad on vacation every year. I want to travel abroad to meet interesting people and get mesmerised by all the beautiful places in God's creation. Today I can’t. And when I finally can afford going on vacation, I constantly think about what everything costs and feel bad when I spend more money than I’ve planned. Which has happened on exactly every vacation I’ve ever been on throughout my adult life. Simply put, I want to be able to go on vacation without having financial stress constantly in the back of my mind.

I want to go to the store and just buy the things that I want, without looking at the price of the items. 

I want to never have to worry about bills ever again. 

I don’t want to have to check my bank-account several times every month, to make sure that there is enough money there.

I want to be able to save money every month.

I want to have a buffer.

I don’t want to have to worry about unforeseen expenses. 

I don’t want to argue with my wife and other people about money.

I recognise that all of these things cause stress in my life in a way that significantly lowers my happiness. This does not mean that I shouldn’t try to meet my situation with as much acceptance that I can muster up. It’s a good thing to learn to bear our circumstances and to do our best to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. 

But what it does mean, at least for me, is that I need to face reality as clearly as I can and, to the best of my ability, try to find out what it takes to create a financial situation that I’m truly content with and the do it to the best of my ability. 

This, I believe, is true for most people that don’t live in an ideal financial situation. To admit and accept these things, I believe is sound financial advice, even if it doesn’t come from someone who has “made it”.

Punished by God? Part 1

What if God isn't angry at you? Just try the thought on. What if God never is out to get you? What if God just loves you unconditionally, no matter what you do, because he knows that everything “bad” that you do, you do out of ignorance? Just try these thoughts and see how they feel.

I don't know if I myself can fully believe this. But the more I think about it, the more right it feels. It doesn't have to mean that we're free to do anything. There are still consequences in this life, and this perspective does not exclude the possibility of some hard lessons in the next life, if we fail to learn what we came here to learn in this one. 

But why would our loving, heavenly father punish us for making mistakes, for all eternity? We would never call a human father loving, if he hurt his child when the child made mistakes.

Those things that don't matter

We care about a lot of things that don’t matter. And we don’t give enough care to the things that do. This is at least true for me. 

Among these things that don’t matter, other people’s opinions stand out. If I understand it correctly, the most prevalent theory as to why we care so much what others think, is that in the distant past, when we were living in tribes, being disliked could very well mean death. 

But today, what other people think of us doesn’t matter. As a matter of fact, the world is full of countless examples, of when other people’s opinions prevent people from living the lives that they truly want.

Only who we actually are matters. Yet, we (at least I do) spend a lot of time and energy worrying about other people’s perceptions of us. Even total strangers’ perceptions of us. 

But we would be better off if we could free ourselves even from the opinions of those closest to us. Because if we, instead of worrying about other people’s opinions, focus on being good people, finding out what truly makes us happy and creating the lives that we want, we will in all likelihood be people that other people like. And if someone doesn’t like us even when we are being authentic, there are seven billion other people on the planet that we can hang out with.

Called to Christ? Part 1

I’m a confused person. But I embrace my confusion. I think more people should embrace their confusion. Because there are loads of things to be confused about. 

On the one hand, I feel called to follow Christ. On the other, there are so many weird things with a spiritual nature happening in my life, that don’t fall in line with a normal Christian life. Some fall in line more with what, for the lack of a better word, might be categorised as New Age.

At the same time, I do not believe in Liberal Theology. I don’t think that we basically just have to be nice to each other and everything will be okay. This partially has to do with me recognising that in order for us to be truly nice, we need to have character. And character is not built simply by being nice.

I've knocked on the door

I’ve knocked on the door and it has opened. But now I’m hesitating on the threshold. My baggage keeps me from entering and I’m unwilling to let it go. I’ve been carrying it for so long. I’ve gotten comfortable with it. It has become like a friend to me. Sometimes, I feel like it is carrying me, even if I know that it is not true. Some of it is tied around my neck with a hard knot. But I know the knot will loosen, if I choose to let go of the which will come off more easily. Yet, I’m hesitant to even do that. 

Undeserved grace

What did I do to deserve the grace that I’ve received? Of course it’s not about actions. But all is not well on the inside either. My character isn’t what it ought to be. I can often be unloving and judgmental. I try not to be. But I am. I’m selfish and greedy. Not all of the time. I don’t consider myself a particularly good person. And yet, I catch myself bragging about virtues and accomplishments, even though they in truth are pretty meagre. 

The only things that I’ve really got going for me, is an honest willingness to change into the person God intended me to be. That, and a longing for being with God, that sometimes can move me to tears, but that often is drowned out by my ingratitude for what I have and resentment stemming from all the things that I perceive as being things that I lack, or from the things in my life that I don’t want. 

And yet, God has chosen to step into my life and make his presence known. Perhaps this is so not is spite of all my shortcomings, but because of them. Because, even though I’m still pretending to others that I’m someone that I’m not, I’ve stopped pretending to myself. I’m weak and sinful. I don’t want to be. But I am. And I can only keep striving for a perfection that I know that I will never reach. At least not in this life. 

The strange paradox in all of this, is that I'm okay just the way I am. And at the same time, I'm all but okay.

What the bible does say

In my post a week ago, I talked about things that The Bible doesn’t say, but where many people have absolute beliefs about the Christian stance anyway. Today I want to talk about what The Bible clearly says, but that we tend to overlook. 

What the Bible does say quite clearly, is that we need to be humble before God. Not only that, but humility seems to occupy a special place among the virtues, within Christianity. It seem to be tied into many of the other prime virtues. Thomas à Kempis, the writer of the classic: The Imitation of Christ, gave it the utmost importance.

The Bible does most certainly call us to follow Jesus’ example, to forgive others and look at our own shortcomings, instead of finding faults in others. It tells us to love God, each other and ourselves. All of this is pretty clear. It is written in very plain language and illustrated in numerous examples. Yet, how many of us really contemplate these, obviously very central aspects of Christian faith, and think deeply about what they mean in our everyday lives? If you are like me, you probably easily get lost in speculations about matters of which you cannot possibly have any absolute knowledge, rather than actually use the same mental effort to reflect upon how to apply these very clear and central aspects of Christian fait to your life. To tell you the truth, even though I know that I would benefit from it, I’m scared of taking the question of truly following Christ in all aspects of my life seriously. What consequences it would have, which things I would need to change or prioritise differently, if I truly made the question of following Jesus central to my life. 

The idea that we should give primacy to the clearer and seemingly more important parts of The Bible, does of course not mean that claims about unprovable facts are unimportant. But arguing about factual claims, whether they are historical, contemporary, spiritual or worldly, that cannot be proven or disproven in any absolute sense, might be counterproductive. Especially if it takes focus from the central message of unconditional love, non-judgment and forgiveness. This arguing often even seem to downright contradict this message, when it turns us against one another. As with many other things, this does not just apply to The Bible. It applies to any situation, where we come to judge and resent one another because of differences of opinion or worldview. 

The Bible seems, at its core, to call for us to express love in all that we are and do. This, I think, seems to be the primary command of The Bible, personified in the figure of Jesus Christ. How could it be otherwise? 

What I’ve found helpful, when it comes to expressing love, is to examine the motifs behind my actions and words. If I’m being honest with myself, I find that my motifs, most of the time, are more or less different from those that I consciously presented to myself before examination. Unconscious motifs can often be such ones that do not express love. I believe that this is true for other people as well. If so, at least to me, this leads to the conclusion that, if we wish to be better att expressing love, we need to make self-examination a priority. As the Bible quote in the post-image says.

Here’s what I think. If we choose to live from this radical place of love, where we in all our brokenness do our best to imitate Christ, to make it our life-mission to do so, we have something to measure what we find during our self-examination against. No one expects us to be perfect at it. If you are like me, which I think most people are in this area, you are spiritually lazy. Even if it ultimately leads to nothing good, it’s convenient to deceive ourselves. And this self-deception of course entails finding excuses for not doing what we know we should, or do what we know we shouldn’t, even though we know that it is within our power to do otherwise.