The ultimate truths about spirituality

I want to apologise beforehand if this post seems a bit confused. It's because I'm a rather confused person. I think almost everyone is. Most people just don't know it.

I’m going back and forth a lot in my life. I guess I’m trying to figure out things that I can’t really figure out with my rational mind. But there are things that I can know. But let’s begin with a few sentences about what I feel that I cannot know.

So, I feel somehow called to Christ. And I feel that I in some sense have to accept the basics of a Christian life, with all that it entails, including the virgin birth and that Christ died for our sins and was resurrected on the third day after his death. But maybe these things don’t mean what most people think that they mean. Maybe they are not supposed to be taken literally? Then again, maybe they are supposed to be taken literally and maybe they mean exactly what people in general think that they mean.

But I cannot force myself to believe something. Or to understand the rationale behind it. 

And on top of this, there are so many strange things that are happening, that don’t at all fit in with conventional Christianity. I mean, really weird, wonderful stuff that I don’t know what to make of.

And there are so many people that I talk to, read things by, or in other ways take part of their thoughts, that are so convinced that their truth is the right truth. So many people that cannot all be right. I know somehow in my heart that it's right to follow Jesus. But what does this mean? What is important? Is it important to believe the right things? Do the right things? Develop the right character? All of it? Why would it be important to believe the right things, about things that I simply cannot know? How can I believe the right things?

This is all so confusing, frightening, beautiful and wonderful at the same time. And the only thing that I feel that I can do, is keep reading, investigating and pondering these matters. 

And stumble.

I stumble so much.

Maybe all of this will be revealed to me eventually. But for now, I simply cannot know. But what I can know and understand, is the life that Jesus called us to live. It’s clear that he called us to live simple, humble, accepting and above else God-loving lives. He gave himself as an example of how to do this and now it’s up to us to figure out how to follow him in our own lives, within our individual circumstances.

However, as with so many words, these little words: “simple”, “humble”, “accepting” and “God-loving” call for some contemplation. Because over the years, I’ve come to realise that we often do not engage in any deeper thinking about the words that we use. Consequently, we know their meanings very loosely and on top of that, we always mean different things with the words that we use. And some words are truly worth considering, because what meanings and importance we give to them, are closely related to our character. So, what do these words mean to you?

I know that while I cannot know the truth about events that I was not around to witness, I can know how I relate to concepts that I deem important. I can contemplate what I need to improve with regard to them. I can, in a sense, find moral truths if I look for them in my heart. I can do what I can to see the truth about myself as clearly as possible. Even if I don’t like what I find.