Could God be both personal and impersonal?

And could this be so without one aspect being higher than the other?

Among many Eastern mystics, it seems as for many of them, the personal relationship with God is used as a stepping stone on our way towards an impersonal union, where everything is just love. But what if both are equally important? As far as I can tell, the Christian mystics seem to agree on this. If you look at for example John of the Cross, it is pretty clear that he talks about ecstatic experiences of love that transcend words. But it is equally clear that he sees his relationship with God as an intimately personal one. 

This is also what my own experiences tell me. I’ve had one experience which only lasted for a couple of seconds, of absolute, wordless love. But in prayer, I’ve also had a few, in some sense equally significant experiences, when I have had a knowing that far surpassed an intellectual one, that God listened to- and cared for what I said. These experiences have been equally filled with love, awe and tears. Sadly it was a while since I felt this in prayer and I miss it. But I keep on praying anyway.

And then I have the feeling that God is with me and communicates with me through my experiences throughout the day. These are by far my most common experiences. I might see and hear something that seems to not be just a coincidence. Maybe a thought pops up in my head and then I see or hear something that relates to that thought a moment later. Sometimes this is accompanied by the feeling that something shifts. Now that I think of it, the feeling reminds me a bit of when someone turns towards me, speaks to me with all his attention focused on me. 

As said in the beginning, when you read many Eastern mystics, it seems as if this personal relationship is less than this impersonal one. That it, in some sense, isn’t really real. But what if these are two sides of the same coin. One intimate, particular and personal and one limitless and universal. There seems to be an infinite aspect to both these types of relationship. In both, God is in a sense infinitely close to us, but in oposite ways. Maybe this can actually be seen in relation to the microcosmos and the macrocosmos. The universe is, at least according to many scientist, bot infinitely big and infinitely dividable. 

One common interpretation of the phrase: “as above, so below”, supposedly coined by the mystic Hermes Trismegistus, is that everything is connected with everything else, in the sense that you can learn the nature of all by studying the nature of one thing. And that two opposite poles share an intimate connection with each other. 

Opening my heart and accepting everything

I can feel that a radical shift is happening within me. It’s been going on for quite some time now. But I still have a lot that I need to let go of. Because this is what it’s about: letting go. Letting go of wanting other people to change. Letting go of wanting reality to be something other than what it is. Letting go of vindictiveness, resentment, judgment, victim mentality and in general all of my lower emotions. 

I’ve realized just how much I’ve weighed myself down with all of the mental and emotional junk that I’m carrying around. 

So, what is at the core of the inability to let go? It’s attachment. Attachment to the need for things to be a certain way. Attachment to certain outcomes. I fall back into this attachment over and over again. I know that shouting at the world will not help one bit. And yet I’m there, over and over again. But I feel that I’m letting go more and more. I think that the best way of going about this, is to, as much as possible, accept where I am and not judge what I have not yet been able to let go of. Accept and bring as much awareness into it as possible. Because when I resist my issues they persist. When I feel the most connected with God, I only get the feeling that everything is okay. That I am where I’m supposed to be. 

This does not mean that my choices don’t matter. And definitely not that I shouldn't take action when it's appropriate. It's more or less the opposite. It's about taking exactly the choices and actions that I deem appropriate, regardless of the results that they may or may not lead to.

The creator of the universe actually listens when we speak to him

That’s the little secret of prayer. To remember who you are talking to. And that he actually listens. 

A while back I noticed that when I consciously directed my prayer towards God something happened. Something very significant. Namely that I understood this on a level that far exceeded an intellectual understanding. I understood it at the core of my being, at the deepest emotional level possible. I could actually feel God listening to me.

My creator, the eternal, omnipotent, omnipresent creator of everything, in whose hands everything rests and who loves me infinitely and knows me infinitely more deeply than I know myself, actually listens to me when I pray. 

After this my prayers changed for a while. They became more meaningful. More real.

But since then, I’ve gotten caught up in daily life again. I’ve stressed through prayers and they have often turned into words without substance. I think that I actually in a sense forgot that God is with me. Not on an intellectual level of course. I can never fully forget what I’ve experienced. My experiences have been so strong and undeniable, that I can’t ever give in fully to doubt. 

But there is another forgetfulness here. One that I cannot really put my finger on. It has something to do with the temporal vs the eternal. Where I simply get caught up in my ego and forget what is really important. 

This blog post became something completely different from what I had planned. But I just realized that this has been coming back to me over and over again. I think that this is what is meant by “being in the world, but not of it”. We do have a physical experience. But really we are always walking with God for eternity, here and now. And life is meant to be a continual prayer and interaction with God. Adam really walked with God, but as we fell deeper and deeper into our intellects, God became more and more distant. But it’s not going to be like that forever.

Einstein and the beggar

Einstein was no more valuable than any simple beggar. We are all eternal souls, equal in the eyes of God. It’s just our egos and their erroneous judgments that say differently. In the end, we hurt ourselves the most by believing these falsities, since they ALL contribute to making us blind to the truth of what actually is. That we are all one, all beloved children of God and that we are all equally loved by God. Separation hurts all. But the one it hurts the most, is the one that keeps it up by judging.

Smile

    Ramana Maharshi                                                    Ram Dass

I’ve noticed that many spiritual teachers have this peculiar way of smiling. It’s a smile that not just shows, but radiates peace, joy, contentment, liberation and a love for life. I’m talking of for example Ramana Maharshi and Ram Dass.

You may scoff at these people, saying that all they have accomplished, is to turn a blind eye to the harshness, coldness and meaninglessness of reality. 

I believe that the truth is just the opposite. That these people have seen through the suffering that, on the surface, seems to be an inevitable part of the human condition, if not today, then tomorrow. I believe that the key here, is to see that there is a difference between pain and suffering.

Ram Dass spent the last twenty years of his life with the right side of his body paralyzed and his speech impaired after a stroke. And yet, he seemed happier than ever. Because the life that he had lived prior to the stroke, had taught him to separate the actual situation from his reaction/response to it. To him, the stroke was just another reason not to identify with the body and mind. 

I usually don’t smile the way that these people smiled. If I became partially paralyzed, I would probably be devastated. Because I am not able to see life with nearly as much clarity as Maharshi or Ram Dass. But I’ve had my moments when I’ve felt this same smile in my face. This would, without exception, be the short moments when I’ve felt really close to God. At these moments, I’ve enjoyed every breath with gratitude for just being alive. I’ve felt unconditional love for everyone that I’ve interacted with and for humanity and the whole of creation. 

At these moments, I’ve felt first that I would always stay in that same state. Because it would be insane to want to go back to where I was before. Then I’ve started to fear losing what I’ve found. Then the grasping and holding on have followed. And inevitably, I’ve found myself back in my “normal” reality with its petty worries, concerns and annoyances. 

But just knowing that there is another state available, one that is independent of my every-day experiences, infinitely more real than the physical reality, takes the edge off of my pain. It seems a little less real every day. Even if I still get caught up in my negative emotions frequently, there is more distance to them. When the storms come, there is a part of me that just observes them. They become less and less intense. They last shorter and shorter periods. Over time, I become less and less attached to my external circumstances. I smile in joy, peace and gratitude for the wonderful gift that life is a little more often.

Are we just smart animals?

I’ve pondered the significance of the teachings of Jesus a bit lately. I think that most would recognize that Jesus has had a huge impact on mainly the Western civilization. But it is an impact that has stretched far beyond it. But how huge this impact really was and still is, took some reading to realize.

One thing that struck me just now, is that Jesus’ radical love message in a sense calls us to leave our animal nature behind. The animal world is governed by survival of the fittest, dominance, ruthlessness and gratification of urges. In short: it is governed by instincts. The majority culture of the society that Jesus lived and taught in was governed by such values.

I think that most could also agree, that if everyone at least attempted to live as Jesus taught, no matter how faulty they were in this pursuit, the world would probably be a paradise. Even if all of us were miserable creatures, with extremely low self-control, we could still create paradise on earth, if everyone made a sincere effort to follow Jesus.

So, what Jesus taught was something that run contrary to our nature, but that has the potential of creating a world that we actually want to live in. Something that actually struck a chord with so many people, that he shaped our civilization more than any other historical figure. In spite of it going against our animal nature.

I think that is worth thinking about.

It seems to me, that if we follow our animal nature, we do what comes natural. But we end up creating chaos for ourselves and others on a personal level. And the more people that act like animals, the worse our societies become.

I think that this also is worth thinking about.

EVERYTHING is a dialogue with God

This IS the final step on the journey. And it's a huge leap that takes time. 

If God is everything that has ever been and ever will be, how could it be otherwise? God is speaking to you in every single moment. In every single NOW that you experience. We can misunderstand the communication, but this is the truth. Our destination is to know that we always walk with God, the way Adam (metaphorically) did in the Garden of Eden. The fruit of knowledge of good and evil, I believe, is a metaphor for how we allow our own distorted intellect come between us and God. We can live with God in the Garden of Eden here and now, if we recognize that we are already walking with God and adjust our inner state accordingly. Ultimately, every thought should be part of an ongoing, inner prayer, or the voice of God, that comes to us through discernment and our openness to hearing it in the midst of our minds’ constant chattering and the noise of the world, with its demands and twisted ideas about what’s important and what is going to make us happy. The more we cultivate present moment awareness and keep God in our minds, the stronger this discernment grows.

Learning to listen to ourselves part 2

The confusion between the job of our different faculties mentioned in the previous post, is one of the major reasons why we constantly seem to do things that are not in our best interests, but seem right at the time. What would happen if we started asking ourselves what we truly want and need? What would happen if we stopped caring so much whether what we eat will add a few extra millimeters to our waist or whether it will contribute to an overall caloric deficit?

I’ve noticed that when I am in contact with my body and my emotions instead of using my intellect, I will soon get a message about what I need. It all seems to come down to this over and over again. Paying attention to what is going in inside and around us. When I don’t, I hand my power over to a combination of unconscious forces within me and constant bombardment of messages from the world, about what is important and what I should pay attention to.

I touched upon this in tha last post, but I think it is part of something bigger that I’m beginning to realize. Namely that we have gotten used to function in a very limited way, by using our thoughts to determine almost everything and thereby failing to pay attention to what the rest of us is trying to tell us. I’m suspecting that the more I break free from the invisible prison created by my thoughts, the more I will know things that I’m today only making qualified guesses about, often based on the often conflicting information from various authorities. Or even worse - I might simply be doing things out of habit because I’m in too much of a rush to stop and bring awareness to the present moment.

I want to conclude this post by repeating this: Pay attention to what is going on, within and without. As yourself: What is your experience trying to tell you? Make it a habit of asking this question as often as possible. When someone else is directing your attention, you are by definition not free. 

This is about being in touch with ourselves and our own values, instead of being lost in thoughts that are often not even our own, while trying to do what those same thoughts tell us that we ought to. 

Learning to listen to ourselves part 1

I realized this when I woke up in the weekend the other day: I’ve not cultivated the habit of listening to myself properly. Of listening to what I need. To what my body needs. What my soul needs. In many instances I’ve just considered what my mind thinks about something.

What happened was that I couldn’t sleep, but I felt that I needed to stay in bed. But a part of me wanted to rush up. This time I listened to the part that wanted to stay in bed. When I laid there, tensions started to dissolve and eventually I fell asleep, waking up a little less than an hour later, feeling well rested.

Had I gotten up the first time, chances are that I would have been tired, in a bad moon and more or less spoiled my day. This is something that has happened before. My thoughts usually go something like this: I can’t lay here wasting time when it’s impossible to fall asleep again anyway.

Recently I’ve noticed that there is something magical about asking ourselves questions. It’s almost as if it’s programmed into us to know what we really want and need. We’ve just learned to only ask our thoughts. And our thoughts will come up with all kinds of rational arguments for why one thing is better than the other. Even though they are totally unreliable when it comes to so many things, since they take such a limited amount of factors into consideration. 

In this case, my mind only saw some practical factors, such as that I will get more hours out of my day, while not thinking about how my body felt about it, that I by not listening to I will be less effective and less happy during the day and that I might fall asleep in front of the movie in the evening, thereby wasting a movie experience.

Food is another good example. I might think about what will be nice to eat in the evening and thereby buying some snacks or something. Or the opposite: I might think that I should choose some healthy but boring alternative, when I really want some snacks. 

In the first case, I may end up with some empty enjoyment that wouldn’t be better than a healthy alternative. And in the second case, I might end up unsatisfied, going to the store again or buying something even “worse” the next time.

The way I see it, the problem runs deep. We have not properly learned to discern the different parts of ourselves. We often confuse the job of our thoughts, our body or our emotions. We just allow the first faculty that makes its presence known to guide us.

A breaking point

I’ve touched upon the experience that I’m about to describe many times before. But then it has scared me. It felt as if I was going to dissolve. Or that something else was going to happen. But this time, I decided to let go of the fear, trust and embrace.

What I felt was the unity that I share with God and all of his creation. All is one and all is love. And yet, this is not a oneness that threatens our individuality. It is impossible to adequately put this into words, but I am going to try. It was as if everything fell into place in this one single moment. As if the whole world had led me to this somehow. That every little detail of the event was planned beforehand. The love and unity that I experienced was beyond thoughts and identity. Beyond the body. Without beginning or end. And yet, I was very much still in my body. I was very much me. Just so much more. It was an experience of so much love, that I just couldn’t take it. I wanted so badly to stay in that love. But I couldn't. It was over in a matter of seconds and then I was back to normal.

In other words, I’ve reached a breaking point on my journey. I’ve written a couple of blog posts that have a bit of fear in them. I won’t delete them, because my blogging has in many ways been a way for me to document my journey. And it’s not as if these posts are untrue. They are just written from a limited perspective.

But truly, I know now that there is nothing to fear. All will be well. God is love and God loves us infinitely and forever. God will never truly force anything upon us, even though from our finite perspectives, we cannot see how this can be so. But when we spend eternity with God and those that we love, not limited by what is currently holding us back in this finite existence, we will know that it is so. All will be well. Now that I’m starting to come out of my darkness for real, I know this. All will be well. This is what I am here to do. To tell as many as possible that all will be well. 

All will be well

Lately I’ve been experiencing strange and wonderful things. I have touched upon the oneness and unity that I share with God and all of his creation. Afterwards, the same words that were revealed to the mystic Julian of Norwich kept echoing in my mind: “All will be well.” I shiver in delight just thinking of these words. All will be well.

Here is what I know when I don’t let my own, personal fears distort my experience: There is nothing to fear. We are all beloved children of God. Even those that do terrible things. Our only purpose is to love, be loved and express love. All will be well.

Inner peace is always possible here and now. We can always walk with God in peace, by bringing presence and awareness to our experience in this moment and allow God to permeate it, and by letting go of everything within ourselves that is based on fear. It is really as simple as a choice between love and fear. The difficulty lies not in the choice itself, but in seeing through all of the insanity that the world has taught us is normal.

If we observe our speech and behaviors carefully, we can see that they all stem from either love or fear. We already walk with God in every precious moment. Most of us without knowing it. It’s possible to feel God’s presence and turn life into an intimate communication with him. It is just a matter of what we pay attention to. The scary things that go on on the outside, or his loving embrace on the inside. If we choose to walk with God, we can create heaven on earth right here and now. We choose how dark it gets before the dawn. But the metaphorical dawn is coming, just as certainly as the one that comes every morning. All will be well. 

The devil is in the details

Pay attention! We miss so much because our attention is elsewhere. Attention is the key to everything. But because we have our attention with us all of the time we take it for granted. We never consider what we can do with it. The world is full of wonders that we miss because we don’t expect them to happen. We don’t believe that they are possible and therefore our focus becomes so narrow that it’s almost non-existent, in comparison to what is possible.

God speaks in the inner silence

When you can honestly say that you receive your thoughts, rather than produce them with your ego? There is a very clear distinction here. But it’s difficult to recognize it, even efter you’ve done it once.

What I’ve found, is that the mind first has to be stilled to the point where there is a break in the thought activity for at least a few seconds. This, again, is difficult to recognize, because it is unawareness that makes us start thinking again, so we are generally not aware of having started thinking, until a few thoughts have passed through the mind. But even when thought activity seizes for just a few seconds, I notice that everything seems to fade away and I move closer to a state of just being if my eyes are closed. And if they are open, everything seems to flow effortlessly, to the same degree as I manage to be present in the here and now and still my mind. 

I believe that this state might put us in direct connection with God. Maybe OUR thoughts are what separates us from God? It would actually fit pretty neatly into the myth of the fall. Since our thoughts give us knowledge and we got separated from God and paradise through eating from the Tree of Knowledge. 

But that’s sort of a little sidenote that I thought was fitting.

Continuing: I’ve noticed that if I remain still and present for a while, my mind still starts talking again. And if I lose focus then, I’m back to the usual pointless chatter. But if I remain still and present, what comes through is completely different. It rings true and gives me insights that are either practical or will lead to more happiness and less suffering, for both me and others. As for the latter, it also often tells me things that I don’t want to hear. 

Another thing that I wonder, is whether our connection with God in the now has to be limited to words. Probably not. I wonder this because I’ve also found that when I am in a flow state, I feel closer to God in other ways as well. It’s as if God slowly takes over my life, the more I manage to be present. It’s as if it’s still me doing the thinking and moving, but yet it is not me. It’s strange, wonderful and difficult to explain.

God is God

You don’t make an effort to do, think and say the right things and avoid the wrong because you are afraid of God’s punishment or because you want a reward from God. You do it because God is God. You know who God is. But do you really consider what this means? Do you really feel deep in your heart what it means to have the omnipotent, omnipresent, eternal creator of the universe with you all the time, in all that you do, say and think?

Letting go and choosing love

We are not our thoughts. Our thoughts are not reality. Our thoughts are not right. 

But what does this really mean? Well, basically that we can step back and choose what makes us most happy and what we care about. We don’t need to be attached to anything in the world. We can choose to be attached if we want to. And I’m not sure that it’s always a bad thing, as long as we remember that we can let go of the attachment any time that we want to. Maybe most of the meanings that we give to things are just illusory. Maybe we are just love and have the possibility of always choose love. Love for ourselves and for each other. What would it mean to always choose love, unconditionally, for ourselves and each other? Can we really imagine such a thing? If we tried, what actions would we take? How would we treat others? What would we say? Both when it comes to how we talk to others, and how we talk to ourselves. Because we do talk to ourselves. What would it really feel like to always choose love? What would we, to the best of our ability, think of other people? Of ourselves? What would our lives look like?

In short, what would it mean if we let go of all the thoughts that doesn’t serve love? If we did our best to not believe in them. What would it mean to take the question of always choosing love seriously?

About the Blog

We want to help people that live every-day lives to live and grow together with God, every second of their lives, 24-hours per day.

This presentation will soon be changed to include David's wife and twin-flame Jessica, who is now also blogging with me. However, much that can be said about David can also be said about Jessica.

About David:

A few years ago, I realized that I was an absolute mess inside. In spite of having been engaged in loads of spiritual activities and self-searching, my thoughts were chaotic and uncontrolled, and I was to a large extent governed by my emotions. And I was still to a large extent a stranger to myself. The motifs behind my actions and words weren’t what I thought they were and my behavior was to a large degree unconscious. I even felt as if most of who I was, wasn’t really me and that a lot of what came out of my mouth lacked substance.

And the more I saw this mess inside myself, the more I started seeing it in other people. We are all God’s children. But we are broken. And I was more broken than most. In some ways, I still am. I also believe that my brokenness has a meaning. Because by nothing but unearned grace of God, I’ve been allowed to see my brokenness much more clearly than most people.

Because of this, I’ve decided that I want to do everything that I can to become whole again and help others do the same. My journey to become whole, so that none of my confusion, pride and self-deceit will stand between me and the love of my creator, and the insights that I gain along the way, is what I wish to offer. This is also a declaration of intent.

So, this is a blog about living in harmony with God’s creation. This means being our true selves. And this in turn means living in accordance with God’s will. By our own free will. Because we know intellectually, emotionally and spiritually that this is what we want. Not because of fear of punishment or the hope of rewards, but because God is perfect and the ultimate cause and meaning of life. And therefore there exists no better, more joyful life.

Finally, I believe that the only thing that stands between us and knowing God's will is our egos. Without the ego, we wouldn't need to read a single line to know God's will. But hopefully this blog can offer some food for thought, while you struggle with yours.