Non-resistance

Every time that we bring awareness to the present moment and what is going on in it things change. This is a choice that we can make in every moment. And when we choose awareness, life starts to open up to us and we become less prone to get caught up in thoughts and emotions.

I have noticed that in every given moment, we can choose our mindset. Most of us, myself included, have learned to resist and/or force things depending on what situation it is that we are facing. We try to force and control. Sometimes we do have some power to control the situation and sometimes we don’t. But we always want something other than what is. 

It takes some time to notice this and how it functions. But the more we observe ourselves, the more we will start to see all kinds of things that were previously hidden to us. 

There are several signs that we have gone into resistance. We start to get angry and frustrated. We sigh. Thoughts of the type Why can’t it just…? enter our heads. Our actions start to feel compulsive instead of like real choices. If we speak to someone else, we can easily detect how our voice changes. How it becomes more sharp and a complaining tone comes into it. We also may start to overtly complain about the situation at hand.

The resistance can even be felt physically. We tense up in different areas of our bodies and if we are really observant, we can feel how this resistance starts at the centre of our heads. We try to make reality different inside our heads. 

This is about learning to function from a different mindset. One where we allow the things that we cannot control to be as they are. One where we don’t attach labels such as “good” or “bad” to what is happening in the moment. We just allow things to be what they are, bring as much awareness as we are capable of to what is going on, without forcing it, and calmly choose the actions that present themselves. When we are here and now and observe what is going on, instead of being caught up in wishing for things to be different, the best actions usually present themselves effortlessly. 

It does take a lot of practice though. I myself am very far from perfection when it comes to this. And the thing is that it is another type of practice than we are used to. This is not about acquiring a skill in the usual sense. It’s not about exerting an effort. It’s about learning to let things flow on their own accord. Without effort. To let go and trust.

Badmouthing part 3

I have also noticed that when I’ve said something bad about someone, I feel uncomfortable in their presence. I feel like a phony when I sit there and pretend that there is nothing wrong. I didn’t use to feel this way. Probably because I saw no problem with badmouthing people and therefore pushed down any discomfort that I experienced in their presence. A question that naturally arises is: Was the discomfort always there, but I just didn’t see it? Or did it arise when I changed my perspective? I’ve started to realize that there are so many things going on inside, that I’m not consciously aware of.

Badmouthing part 2

I also wish to take this one step further. You see, I don’t just walk around badmouthing people randomly. There are certain things that trigger me. Two that I can think of right now, since I have fresh examples of them, is laziness and decisions with no regard for the consequences. When it comes to these decisions, it’s especially true when I have to help cleaning up the mess. I think that this has something to do with the fact that I used to be lazy and make such decisions, which has caused the problems that I currently have. So, as usual, my negativity can be traced back to me. 

Badmouthing part 1

I’ve caught myself badmouthing people a couple of times lately. Not in any severe way, not about something that wasn’t true, not about something that doesn’t affect me and not without the hope of things changing. And it happens less and less frequently. But still… I wish to live a life of love, acceptance and free of judgment. So this habit (I would still call it a habit, since it happens now and then and I’m not in full control of it) has to go. 

How pride messes up our lives part 2

Lately, I’ve become more and more aware of how much easier my life would be if I in different situations had chosen to “love my enemies”, “turned the other cheek” or “done unto others what I would have had them do unto me”. It takes some contemplation to realise how different the probable outcome of many situations would have been, had I followed Jesus’ example. If I would have tried to see the other person’s perspective, apologised and admitted my part in what transpired or forgave instead of judged. What kept me from doing so? Pride is what kept me from doing so.

How pride messes up our lives part 1

I’ve thought a lot about how there seems to be a divine structure behind everything. And how, if we’re truly humble, it will be more or less self-evident what to do in any given situation, where there is a right and wrong conduct. We might make ourselves believe otherwise. And we might tell ourselves that we didn’t know better or that everything is relative or whatever. But somewhere we know what is right and wrong. But our pride keeps us from admitting this both to ourselves and others. Our pride keeps us from asking for forgiveness.

Refusing cynicism

It’s very easy to become cynical in the world. It’s easy to think that everyone is just out to serve themselves and that authenticity drowns in the hunt for profit. It’s especially easy to think this of public figures. But what do we really know? Sure, sometimes we do know. But when we, if we're being truly honest with ourselves about what we can know for sure, conclude that we truly don't know, isn’t it better to assume good, honest, authentic intentions, when we really have nothing to base our judgment on? Isn’t this ultimately a question about whether we believe the world and other people to be fundamentally good or bad? And isn’t this ultimately a question about what we truly believe about ourselves? Maybe it is even a question of what we believe about God.

When what we say and do don't match

I’m a little bit angry today. I can’t get into detail about what sparked this anger. But as with much of the anger that we experience, only a tiny bit comes from the experience or situation that triggered it. And, again as with much of our anger, at the core, I’m mostly angry with myself. 

I’m angry with myself for pretending that I don’t care about things that I do care about. I’m angry with myself for talking about my intentions, but doing something completely different from what I say. I’m angry with myself for saying that I want one thing, but acting as if I want another thing.

In other words, I’m angry for lying to myself and others. I’m angry because I distort reality and create confusion for myself. I’m angry with others for doing the same. And a part of me wishes that I could neither see this in myself, nor in others. Mainly, I wish that I couldn’t see it in others. Because it only causes frustration. The obvious response is to ignore it in others and just work on fixing it in my own life. But it’s hard. God, please help me!