Radical love and awareness

Jesus didn’t just show us what we could be. He also taught that it is our natural state. He showed us this natural state through his character and actions. He showed us what unconditional love looks like. 

Now, we may get confused about what unconditional love means. To love unconditionally is to love no matter what. But a person that loves unconditionally can still demand things of others. Just not as a condition for love. Jesus demanded things of people. He said: “This is what you need to do to follow me” and “This is what you need to do if you want to be free and happy”. The world is what it is and it comes with its conditions. And no matter how much Jesus loves, as long as we live in a fallen world, he can’t help us out of our bondage unless we do what he says that we need to do in order to be free. 

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to meet that person with love and openness. This is our natural state. But from the day we were born, we have been programmed to respond otherwise. Therefore, what should come natural is hard for most of us. What should come natural is met with resistance. I am no exception to this. This is not something that I have conquered within myself. And this is where it has to begin: within ourselves. Actions and words that on the surface are identical, can have opposite meanings depending on what inner state that they stem from.

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to think loving thoughts about the person. We can choose what qualities to focus on. And every time we make such a choice, our hearts open or close a little bit. Love is a feeling that exists in infinite abundance, we can choose it any time and it is always possible to cultivate more of it.

Jesus said: “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemies”. He also told us over and over again to look at our own shortcomings, instead of finding faults in others. These are very clear instructions. There is very little room for misunderstanding here.

So why don’t we always cultivate love. For me, at least part of the reason was that no one told me that I had a choice. At least not in a way that got through to me. And here is where the programming comes in. We learn so many things without questioning them. From movies, music, the news, people around us and other channels, we learn that we live in a hostile world full of selfish people. We learn that power struggles is a necessary part of life, that we live in scarcity and that we need to take what we can and guard ourselves against others. We learn that material possessions and status are important for a happy life. We learn that self esteem comes from putting others in their place and taking revenge. We learn that we should feel offended when we think that someone has wronged us. Just to name a few ways of functioning in the world, that have nothing to do with love, that many of us learn without questioning. 

It is very much a question of awareness whether we make a conscious choice about these matters or not. We may for example feel justified in our anger towards someone. Maybe the person has intentionally wronged us in some way. But if we manage to take a step back and observe what is going on, we can consider what course of action is most beneficial to all concerned parties. Hint: It’s usually not to go off on a slanderous rant as we vent our hurt feelings to a mutual friend. In fact, if we can stop ourselves at the level of our thoughts, this is usually the best way of approaching the issue. If we can keep calm and remember that our thoughts do not represent reality. 

The problem is that we are seldom fully aware of what is going on inside of our own heads. We often assume that we are. But upon closer inspection, we notice all kinds of nonsense in our minds. We notice that there is a constant chatter in our minds whether we like it or not, that we believe many thoughts without sufficient reason and that we often confuse thoughts and feelings. For example. 

We also notice something else, which is very relevant here. Namely that once a negative emotion gets hold of us, we lose our conscious awareness. Then the emotion starts to color our thoughts and perceptions, it becomes much easier to mistake our distorted perception of reality for reality and to start engaging in behavior that has no clear purpose. Such as saying something that we may regret later, to- or about another person. Such as acting in a way that is not loving.

But we often do have a few seconds where we remember, for example, a commitment not to judge. But then comes the justifications: “He or she did this or that to me”. Or we simply pretend that we didn’t hear the little reminder of our commitment at all. Our inner life is interesting in that way, in a rather frightening manner. We often know, on some level, that we have the choice of stopping ourselves. But another side of us doesn’t want to. And when this side wins we let go. And when we let go we go unconscious and words seem to flow more or less automatically out of our mouths. 

We may come to our senses after a while, much depending on our level of maturity. But not before having given ourselves another reason not to trust ourselves. For what reason? Why do we do such things? The only honest answer is: “I don’t know”. As with many, if not most, of our behaviors, we may think up an explanation for them. But if we are being honest with ourselves, it is just that - something that we have thought up. 

The good news is that the more awareness we bring into the present moment, the easier it becomes to make different choices. The easier it becomes to catch ourselves before we think, act and speak in an unloving manner. The easier it becomes to choose love. And the more we choose love, the closer we get to our rebirth in the image of God. In Christ likeness. Which is the goal of every human, whether we recognize it or not.

Die to live

Before we can simply let go and be reborn, there are so many things that we cling on to, that we have to let go of. We cling on to our social status, career, different pleasures, political opinions, aspirations and so on. These are some of the most common things that we cling to, but the list could be almost endless. 

A funny paradox in all of this, is that it seems like that in order for us to begin to let go, we first need to fully accept that these things are in our lives and not judge ourselves for it. It's not about being hard on ourselves or disliking ourselves, but about seeing what is there and being honest with what it does to us. Remember that we're all sinners.

While there is much in the world that we need to let go of if we want to live dignified lives, God created the world and saw that it was good. This does not change just because sin and corruption has entered the picture. So to just look at it as a garbage dump full of misery that we should strive to remove ourselves from, does not seem like a wise thing to do. I believe something like this: We need to learn to live in the world the way God intends for us to live in it and not in the way that our culture tells us to. To enjoy life and the pleasures of God’s creation in the way that God intended. To focus on what’s essential instead of getting caught up in what doesn’t really matter. Instead of getting caught up in trivialities. Ultimately, to learn to view life from a God-centered eternity-perspective. Because if we truly believe in God and that life will continue after death, to strive for this perspective ought to follow logically.

Jesus says: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The Bible is full of verses about dying to self so that one can live. So that one can become renewed. There is an old self that has to die, so that another, more real self can live. If we follow this line of reasoning, there is a very simple conclusion, which is staring us right in the face when we read the Bible: There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we conduct ourselves in our day-to-day lives. There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we treat other people and ourselves. There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we eat, drink and conduct ourselves. I would even argue that there is a right and a wrong way when it comes to our posture, how we breathe and how we treat our attention. Do we pay attention consciously or do we let chance dictate what we pay attention to?

This last bit, about our attention, is important here. Because something happens when we pay conscious attention to something. If we for example pay attention to our breathing, it becomes more calm and natural all by itself, if we don’t try to do anything with it. There is also a warning implied here. Because attention matters gravely. Think about it. How much what you pay attention to dictates your life. Really think about it. And now think about our society, where there is constantly something ot someone that tries to grab our attention, as loudly as possible. Think about what such a society may do to us if we don’t consciously choose to take control of our attention. Give it some thought. What role does you attention play in your life? And are you consciously trying to control your attention?

We may have very different beliefs about what is going on in the world right now. About the crisises that we are facing. About their origins, severity, what is most dangerous, which people and what information we can trust. But no matter what, I believe that everyone, right in this moment, is called to a renewal in Christ. We may have different views when it comes to many theological issues. But when it comes to the basics of how to conduct ourselves in our day-to-day lives the Bible is very clear. And if we don’t take things out of their context, the truth of what the Bible teaches about this is easy to recognize. Even more so when it is applied. Jesus sets the example that we need to follow, no matter how many times we mess up when we try to do so. We should love, forgive, turn the other cheek, practice non-judgment, do everything with moderation, put our own lives under scrutiny instead of trying to find faults in other people, pray in earnest for our enemies, and so on. 

If we shift our focus a bit, we can in all likelihood find things in our lives that we can change, that do not take any real effort. Do we, for example, really have to take our political opinions so seriously, that we condemn others for having opinions that we find disagreeable? Do we have to speak ill of other people’s lifestyle choices for no good reason? When it might really be our culture, that encourages people to make unsound choices, that we need to criticize? The point is that we do so many things, that do not contribute to who we want to be without even thinking about it. Often without thinking about that we have a choice. 

It might be time to ask ourselves some tough questions: Do I want to become a person that lives up to what it means to be made in the image of God? Do I believe that this is something that I may want to prioritize? Put some time, energy and effort into? Or do I feel that I have other, more important, priorities in my life? If so, why? What is more important than God and to strive be and live the way God intended?

Let me emphasize that I’m not speaking from any high horses here. I don’t look at myself as a particularly good person. How I do see myself however, is as someone that has something to communicate. As someone who is in many ways weak, broken, full of shortcomings and moral failures. But also as someone that sincerely tries to become better. As someone who has been asked by God to do something, even though I don’t know exactly what. Only that it may have something to do with this very striving to become a better, more Christ-like person.

I see myself as someone who has done nothing to deserve this calling, but on the contrary has committed many unworthy acts. All the way from unnecessary and slightly harmful, to seriously shameful and destructive. The only thing that I’ve done to deserve this, is to say yes to the calling, no matter what it may entail. But I’ve also moaned and complained a lot about my everyday struggles. I've often had a hard time keeping up my trust in God. So I guess that I haven’t said yes completely to the whole package. But I at least think that I’m making some progress. That I’m beginning to accept more and more of my hardships as parts of my journey.

There seems to be no other way than to clean house completely, no matter how long it takes. We need to look not just at our habits, but the way we speak and what thoughts we fill our heads with. Yes, our whole personalities. And it cannot be just something that we decide on doing. We need to observe ourselves and consciously decide to break our behavioral patterns. Over and over again. Till we’re completely renewed. From inside out. Does it sound overwhelming? The good news is that it can be practiced all the time, whatever we are doing. And no one is expecting us to be perfect. It doesn’t matter how good or bad we are at this. It’s not that kind of game. Contrary to the games of the world, this is not a competition and what matters here is truly that we try our best. We’re not expected to reach or even hope for perfection. At least not in this life. But, also contrary to the games of the world, there is no way that we can cheat or fool anyone in this game. 

Breaking free from the PRISON of COMFORT

We were never meant to live like this. What has happened to us? Life should not consist of relaxation, comfort, pleasure, consumption and safety. Maybe when God said to Adam: “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground” (Genesis 3:19) it was not just meant just as a burden laid upon our shoulders. Maybe in a fallen world it’s not desirable to live any other way. Maybe life loses its meaning when we don’t have to work hard for anything anymore.

Let me ask you this: Do people that make safety and comfort their primary goals seem happy? I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but I’m pretty sure that there is a correlation between the use of anti-depressants and people’s level of comfort. I’m pretty sure that there is a correlation between depression and how many hours are spent on the sofa eating junk food. 

The world makes it easier than ever to be lazy, comfortable and engage in instant gratification. Today we have access to every item of convenience imaginable. We have endless access to entertainment and other distractions, fast food so we don’t have to cook, anti-depressants and sedatives so we don’t have to deal with our emotional problems, cars so we don’t have to walk, medications so we don’t have to take care of our bodies and wellfare so we don’t have to work. And since it becomes harder and harder to find work, while inflation eats up more and more of our salaries, there is less and less incentive to work. 

To top it all off, we can gratify every low desire imaginable like never before. At the store, in front of the computer, on our streaming services and on our smartphones. Shameful consumption that twenty years ago required an effort and to actually look another person in the eyes when we paid for it, can today be done entirely in secret. 

Until a few years ago I didn’t see these things as clearly as I do now. So I have my own demons to fight when it comes to the sad state that we’ve slowly been conditioned into. But I have let go of much since I started to see the troubled state of the world with clear eyes. And when I saw it, I knew that I had no choice. I can hide most things from other people. I can even fool myself that this is enough. But deep inside I know that it isn’t. My choices and actions will mercilessly shape who I am. I can never truly hide my behavior from myself. And I can certainly not hide it from God, who sees everything, knows every single thought that passes through my head and knows me infinitely better than I know myself. 

I’m not free from sloth and gluttony. But I refuse to give in to them and let them rule my life. I engage in overeating from time to time. Now and then I skip going to the gym. And I know that I cannot always trust myself to do the things that I’ve set out to do. Life often feels like an uphill battle. But whatever comes out of my struggles in the end, even if it’s nothing at all, it’s still better than resignation. 

Luckily we’re not alone in this. Just as God has a will for us and cares about our actions, he also understands us. Understands what we’re going through. Understands the world that we are living in. Walks with us in our struggles. Forgives our missteps and failures. 

This does not imply taking the position of infants, where we just assume that God will do everything for us, with no effort on our part. God does expect that we try our best. That we don’t just let go and give in. That we don’t start making excuses. And it’s so easy to start making excuses. I know. Because I’ve struggled with many sins throughout my life. And these struggles have entailed loads of excuses for letting go and giving in. Loads of justifications for why sin isn’t really sin, even though I know in my heart that it is. Justifications for instant gratification so that I don’t have to deal with the suffering and frustration that resisting desire often causes. Justifications that often sound insane when I look back at them. 

It’s easier than ever to just let ourselves go. At the same time, it’s harder and harder to make a different choice. If we want to feel powerful, free and alive the world will work against us. We will often have a baggage from having lived an unconscious life. Bad habits and debts to pay off are examples from my and my wife’s life. And if we want to build a business to stand on our own, regulations and tax burdens make things harder than ever. Regulations and tax burdens that big corporations easily can pay their way out of.

And temptations are everywhere. Which in itself is another challenge. Because it takes time and energy to resist them. It would be so easy to just let go, stop caring and let the government take care of us. Unhealthy food is the cheapest food, so we could easily stick to that, let our bodies decay, get comfortable and numb. Entertainment and distractions are cheap and often free. We only need a trip to the doctor and the pharmacy to escape our emotions. 

I know that I want to get out of this invisible prison that I unknowingly have allowed myself to get trapped in. To me it’s not even a choice. I’d rather live a life of struggle, frustration and disappointment every single day and die disappointed and struggling, than giving in to a meaningless life of comfort, pleasure and instant gratification. Because to me, this type of life isn’t living at all. This type of life is the equivalent of being a walking dead. You don’t live. You just exist.

When I look at what our culture tries to turn us into, I see disconnection from ourselves and disconnection from others. I see numbness. This is not what I want for me or anyone else. I want to feel alive and free even if it’s painful and frustrating. And I’m willing to endure anything to escape our invisible prison. I want to be fully human, the way God intended me to be. And I refuse to become the willless animal that the world wants to turn me into. 

Free will is one of God’s most precious and vital gifts. Let’s not waste it.

On pleasure PART 2

I’ve come to feel that often when the same pleasures are repeated over and over again with no variation, they just become empty gratifications of the senses. I think food is a very good example of this. If I eat something that I enjoy, but which I know isn’t healthy for me, over and over again, it doesn’t contribute anything beyond the momentary pleasure that it gives me. 

And it gives me some pain. Because I don’t feel good emotionally if I know that I’ve indulged in something that I know is bad for me. And in the long run my body obviously suffers as well.

Strangely enough, the emotional reaction doesn’t seem to occur if I enjoy something that I only have access to occasionally, or something completely novel. Or maybe it isn’t so strange. Because here one time is more or less no time. If I enjoy an ice cream from a cozy ice cream café with some exotic flavors in the sun a couple of times a year, it won’t affect either my weight or my bank account in any significant way. But if I buy an ice cream at the super market every other day, it will affect both. 

I will also have a harder time to completely enjoy the more refined pleasures, if I have already gratified my senses too much in other ways. Because then I’m adding more to that which is already too much.

Furthermore, this also affects our self-discipline. Because it’s about delaying gratification until I can experience pleasure in a meaningful way. 

If I manage to keep this principle, it will in all likelihood both enrich my life and help me keep my health. I believe that principle should be applied with some moderation. I should not beat myself up if I don’t manage to follow it completely all the time. We set intentions, we aim to follow them to the best of our ability, but we accept that change is hard and that we will fail and fall back into old habits from time to time. This goes for how we approach pleasure, as well as everything else where we wish to see a change in how we handle things.

At least, this is the best approach I can come up with.

Photo by Jeff Siepman on Unsplash

On pleasure PART 1

Photo by Tomáš Petz on Unsplash

I think that anything that is such a significant part of life as pleasure deserves some conscious reflection. After all, God gave us our senses and our ability to feel pleasure by using them. Therefore I think that it’s clear that God wants us to enjoy ourselves. So why shouldn’t pleasure be important?

When I was in my late teens to early twenties, I was a total hedonist. After that, I’ve tried many different approaches to pleasure, without thinking truly consciously about it. As with many other things, I’ve ran into different teachings and ideas, often without thinking about the philosophy behind them, and adopted them as my own. This series of posts is my first attempt at actually reach some clarity on this. 

Basically, as with everything, I believe that just the thing that I’ve been missing for so many years with regards to pleasure: doing things consciously and with intent, is what is most important if we want to sort this out. And “sort this out” is the right way to put it. Because yes, most people, including myself, have made a mess of their relationship with pleasure.

I believe that we need to seriously start asking questions such as: How do I want to feel pleasure? In what ways? What constraints do I need to put on myself? Why? 

Doing this is not a way to make life more boring or less pleasurable. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s about making our ways of feeling pleasure more refined, varying, exciting and better for us in the long run.

The "normal" is insane

Photo by Theo Eilertsen Photography on Unsplash

We pay huge businesses money to poison us with unhealthy foods and justify it by saying: “you have to live a little.” I’m not saying this to judge. I’ve struggled quite a lot with kicking unhealthy foods in my life and justified doing so in all kinds of ways. And until my mid twenties I was quite overweight. And besides, we do so many things out of habit without thinking about it and never question it. I’ve done this too. I probably still do, but since I do it unconsciously out of habit, I don’t know about it. But I try fo think about it, because even if I don’t dismiss everything about our culture, I don’t think that its values will bring us any kind of happiness either.

We accept a financial system where one percent ot the population has more than half the assets. We acquire debt so that we can, again pay huge corporations, to consume their products. Partially because we think that they are going to make us happy. But also partially because we constantly compare ourselves to others. We pay off these debts for years, while those at the top of the pyramid rub their hands together, living off of pushing these products to us, while we consume to chase happiness. And we spend most of our time and energy working so that we can continue being consumers.

We know that the cliché that the best things in life are free is true. Things such as spirituality, love, connection with other people, walks in nature and so on. And yet, if we look at what we prioritize, these show up pretty far down the list. Why, otherwise, would we spend a lifetime in debt so that we can own more stuff?

There is nothing new about these insights. On some level we know that it is so. But we don’t want to break free from it. Because change is difficult. Staying the same is easy, even if we do so at the cost of living with a constant dull, mental pain. 

I’ve just given a few examples here. And none of these examples apply to everyone or to everyone equally. What I want to encourage you to do, is to take a look at what you take for granted. What in your life do you truly value? What do you truly want? And what do you want simply because society and other people have told you that you want it?

Comfort is spiritual DEATH

Relax. Take it easy. Get comfortable. Feel pleasure. Consume. Numb your thoughts with social media and TV-series. Numb your emotions with happy pills. Feel safe. 

Comfort is an invisible prison. Insidiously it has come creeping up on us. This need for life to be easy. To follow the path of least resistance. And the clock keeps on ticking. Life passes by seemingly unnoticeably. One day we might wake up and wonder what the hell we have prioritized.

This has happened to me. Or it was really more of a gradual awakening. But there is one word that keeps coming back when I consider how we spend our time, energy and money. How I’ve often spent my time, energy and money. The word is “madness”. We stuff our faces with processed foods full of additives, unhealthy fats and carbs with a high GI because it tastes good. We save all year so we can spend our vacations laying on a beach drinking umbrella drinks. And we spend the rest of the money on appliances that will help us avoid doing anything that exhausts us more than necessary. 

On our jobs we only work when our boss sees us. Because we see it as a bad thing to make an effort if we’re not rewarded for it or to avoid punishment. Laziness has become an ideal to strive for, even if we don’t like to name it “laziness”. 

Our wallets do not decide our level of freedom either. They only decide what kind of metal our prison bars are made of. If we have little money, we take as much as possible if it’s free or cheap. If we have a lot of money, we buy luxury items. But it’s the same numbing comforts and pleasures, even if the former most of the time kill us physically a little faster. 

I saw this quite long ago. I have seen it more clearly some times than others. But then I come up with these excuses: “Just this once”, “I deserve this”, “It’s been stressful and I need to relax”, “What’s wrong with enjoying life?”

But whatever comes with a literal or metaphorical hangover cannot be okay to indulge in. Not ever. No matter if the hangover comes in the form of feeling like crap or a day or two, or if it’s more of a slow process, where one’s whole life becomes like a drawn out hangover of consequences due to daily choices that numb the spirit and eats up one’s life force. Choices that have stopped being choices and have instead turned to habits and behavioral patterns. 

I believe that in this case anger is quite a healthy response. Not towards ourselves, but towards a culture that preys on our lower natures. You did not do this consciously towards yourself. No one would. Our lives are very much governed by assumptions. And because of the nature of assumptions, until we are made aware of them, they are hidden in plain sight. You did this because your culture told you that it was the right thing to do and no one ever gave you the idea of questioning it. 

Now the question is, do you want to feed your comfortable prison? Or do you want to use your anger to feed the flames of your passion to break free? Do you want to allow distractions and pleasures to lull you even further into sleep? Or do you want to bring conscious awareness into your life, actions and choices and wake up?