The more I let go, the better my life seems to work

Life is full of distractions. Have you noticed that? The world is full of things that occupy our minds. Things that we attach importance to. And the more we hold on to those things, the more messy things get. I feel that I’ve gone through some sort of shift with this lately. But be that as it may, tomorrow I may very well be caught up in all of the little petty problems of life again. 

And that is what they are. Petty problems. Petty concerns. Petty needs. Petty wants. This is what we all so easily get caught up in. Things have to be a certain way for us to be happy. And we worry about a tomorrow that we know nothing about. 

What should I eat? What should I drink? Will I be able to pay my bills? Will I be able to put food on the table? 

And these are real concerns for many people. From a global perspective, it’s real concerns for most people. But is it for me? Is it for you? Would it really have to be for anyone, if each and every one of us took responsibility for getting our priorities straightened out? I'm obviously not talking about being perfect at this. Just about bringing some consciousness into such matters.

This is the world that we are creating together. And uneven distribution seems to be built into the way that life itself functions. Because more or less everywhere, both in the human and animal world, resources seem to be unevenly distributed. And there seems to be no political solutions to this. The only difference between left and right seems to be how the inequality arises. In liberal, capitalist systems we get an uneven distribution through the market. In socialist systems the political class, and/or those that have so much money that they can pay their way out of any regulations, get the biggest share.

And we often seem to make things worse with loads of mindless doing. Mindless doing that is intended to solve our problems. But that instead push things in the opposite direction from what we say that we want.

Why am I talking about this? Because there is a place where we haven’t looked for solutions yet. At least not on a larger scale. This might also be the place that truly separates us from the rest of the creation.

This place is within. What good could that possibly do? Well, we’ve tried everything else and the world is still in chaos. More so than ever. At least during the past few years. Even though, materially speaking, life is better than ever. 

There seems to be a false and a true personality inside of us. The false one is more or less what is usually referred to as the ego. This false personality is governed by instincts. And it has all these requirements that it needs to have fulfilled in order for life to be good. Those requirements are not something that we have chosen consciously. We have just more or less randomly reacted to the external world. 

Maybe if we take a step back and start to figure ourselves out a bit, instead of running around frantically trying to solve everything that we perceive as wrong, we might actually be able to do something good. If we start separating what is false from what is true inside ourselves. Because maybe there is some truth to the statement: “As within, so without”. 

And to make it clear, we are part of something so much grander that our little thoughts cannot begin to comprehend it. And yet we are so caught up with our thinking. I don’t know exactly what is happening in the world. Only that it’s big. Really big. 

And even if I did find all of the answers that I’m seeking, I’m more or less certain that I could not describe it in words. I know that life and the world are so much more than we can comprehend with the five senses. I know that whatever it is, we are going through some sort of shift on the planet right now. I also know that it has something to do with the Bible and Biblical prophecies. But I also know that I and everyone else only have begun to scratch the surface of things. 

Something that I’ve learned through experience, is that we are all connected through some sort of energy field that runs through us all. And the more I say yes to my experience and stop resisting what is happening in the present moment, the more I can feel it. In other words, the more I let go, the better things get. The more I stop demanding that the world gives me what I want, the more blessing I receive freely. 

So maybe it’s time to stop worrying and start trusting. I’m saying this as much to myself as to everyone else. If we truly believe in God, that God is who he says he is and that everything is in God’s hands, maybe we also need to adopt an attitude that matches this belief. This goes for both our personal issues, as well as the global problems that we are facing today. Maybe if we start looking within and just stop doing the things that we know we should stop doing, this will be enough. Maybe solutions to what seems to be out of our control will present themselves effortlessly. Without the need for a tyranny and forced compliance. 

Maybe what we need is not more force, but more letting go. More focus on the essential, while we ignore what is unimportant or out of our control. And I don’t know about you, but when I look at my days I find so much junk that occupies my awareness. Where would I be today, if I had determined to not allow these things to distract me? Where would you be? Where can we be in a year, if we decide this right now? In ten years?

Radical love and awareness

Jesus didn’t just show us what we could be. He also taught that it is our natural state. He showed us this natural state through his character and actions. He showed us what unconditional love looks like. 

Now, we may get confused about what unconditional love means. To love unconditionally is to love no matter what. But a person that loves unconditionally can still demand things of others. Just not as a condition for love. Jesus demanded things of people. He said: “This is what you need to do to follow me” and “This is what you need to do if you want to be free and happy”. The world is what it is and it comes with its conditions. And no matter how much Jesus loves, as long as we live in a fallen world, he can’t help us out of our bondage unless we do what he says that we need to do in order to be free. 

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to meet that person with love and openness. This is our natural state. But from the day we were born, we have been programmed to respond otherwise. Therefore, what should come natural is hard for most of us. What should come natural is met with resistance. I am no exception to this. This is not something that I have conquered within myself. And this is where it has to begin: within ourselves. Actions and words that on the surface are identical, can have opposite meanings depending on what inner state that they stem from.

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to think loving thoughts about the person. We can choose what qualities to focus on. And every time we make such a choice, our hearts open or close a little bit. Love is a feeling that exists in infinite abundance, we can choose it any time and it is always possible to cultivate more of it.

Jesus said: “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemies”. He also told us over and over again to look at our own shortcomings, instead of finding faults in others. These are very clear instructions. There is very little room for misunderstanding here.

So why don’t we always cultivate love. For me, at least part of the reason was that no one told me that I had a choice. At least not in a way that got through to me. And here is where the programming comes in. We learn so many things without questioning them. From movies, music, the news, people around us and other channels, we learn that we live in a hostile world full of selfish people. We learn that power struggles is a necessary part of life, that we live in scarcity and that we need to take what we can and guard ourselves against others. We learn that material possessions and status are important for a happy life. We learn that self esteem comes from putting others in their place and taking revenge. We learn that we should feel offended when we think that someone has wronged us. Just to name a few ways of functioning in the world, that have nothing to do with love, that many of us learn without questioning. 

It is very much a question of awareness whether we make a conscious choice about these matters or not. We may for example feel justified in our anger towards someone. Maybe the person has intentionally wronged us in some way. But if we manage to take a step back and observe what is going on, we can consider what course of action is most beneficial to all concerned parties. Hint: It’s usually not to go off on a slanderous rant as we vent our hurt feelings to a mutual friend. In fact, if we can stop ourselves at the level of our thoughts, this is usually the best way of approaching the issue. If we can keep calm and remember that our thoughts do not represent reality. 

The problem is that we are seldom fully aware of what is going on inside of our own heads. We often assume that we are. But upon closer inspection, we notice all kinds of nonsense in our minds. We notice that there is a constant chatter in our minds whether we like it or not, that we believe many thoughts without sufficient reason and that we often confuse thoughts and feelings. For example. 

We also notice something else, which is very relevant here. Namely that once a negative emotion gets hold of us, we lose our conscious awareness. Then the emotion starts to color our thoughts and perceptions, it becomes much easier to mistake our distorted perception of reality for reality and to start engaging in behavior that has no clear purpose. Such as saying something that we may regret later, to- or about another person. Such as acting in a way that is not loving.

But we often do have a few seconds where we remember, for example, a commitment not to judge. But then comes the justifications: “He or she did this or that to me”. Or we simply pretend that we didn’t hear the little reminder of our commitment at all. Our inner life is interesting in that way, in a rather frightening manner. We often know, on some level, that we have the choice of stopping ourselves. But another side of us doesn’t want to. And when this side wins we let go. And when we let go we go unconscious and words seem to flow more or less automatically out of our mouths. 

We may come to our senses after a while, much depending on our level of maturity. But not before having given ourselves another reason not to trust ourselves. For what reason? Why do we do such things? The only honest answer is: “I don’t know”. As with many, if not most, of our behaviors, we may think up an explanation for them. But if we are being honest with ourselves, it is just that - something that we have thought up. 

The good news is that the more awareness we bring into the present moment, the easier it becomes to make different choices. The easier it becomes to catch ourselves before we think, act and speak in an unloving manner. The easier it becomes to choose love. And the more we choose love, the closer we get to our rebirth in the image of God. In Christ likeness. Which is the goal of every human, whether we recognize it or not.

Letting go of what's unimportant

There are really only three truly important things in life. Our relationship with God and all that it entails, our relationship with others and our relationship with ourselves. If you believe that these two sentences hold some truth, it becomes obvious that it’s our relationships that are important. I would even stretch it so far as to say that there is something divine about our relationships. So why are we having such a hard time taking proper care of our relationships? Here are some some factors in my life: stress, fears, worries, disappointments, financial issues, trust-issues. Just to name a few. 

Many of us carry around lots of baggage that affects how we act towards those around us. Act in ways that we neither see nor understand. As with so many difficulties in life, the first step to healing is awareness. We need to be present with ourselves. Observe ourselves. Try to see and understand what is happening when it happens.

Some spiritual teachings tell us that we have to let go of everything in this world, including the attachments that we have to the ones that we love. I believe that this is wrong. Plain and simple. We’re supposed to care for those around us. And when something happens to them we’re supposed to care. When someone that we love dies, we’re supposed to grieve. And since I know God exists, that we go on living after we die and that the Bible is right about those things that I can confirm through my own experience, I take comfort in the idea that I will see those that I love that have passed away again. You may find this a bit childish, but I even hope that this includes pets. Because why not?

You see, I’m beginning to see that the Christian faith has room for not just one type of faith and relationship with God. It does have room for the child-like faith that I just described, where God embraces us after we die, wipes our tears and tells us that absolutely everything is okay. And it also has room for a relationship with a God that is the infinite, all-powerful ruler of heaven and earth, whose love and glory is so magnificent, that we cannot even begin to comprehend it. The God that calls us to grow out of our petty egos and into ruthless self-examinations, so that we can die from all that is immature, selfish and wicked. 

How far most of us have strayed from this type of relationship with God. How far I have strayed from it. Comfort has silently taken over us. Made many of us weak and numb. And when the conveniences that we’ve gotten used to get taken away or don’t work properly it causes frustration. At least it does for me. How easy it is for our attention to get drawn away from what’s important to that which is unimportant. 

There are in general so many irrelevant things in my life that take up energy and attention. When all I really want to do is live the kind of godly life that I just spoke about. A life where God is always at the centre. A life where my thoughts are always occupied with God and where God colors all of my actions, words and even thoughts. This might sound like the goal of a fanatic. But if we truly believe in God and that he is who the Bible says he is, how could things be any other way? And to be clear, I have no wish to ever force anything on anyone. I don’t believe that anything good ever can come from coercion and I’m firmly against any expression of religion that relies on it. Only falseness can come from it. I only wish for others to see for themselves what I today know to be true. Not because I need to be right or need others to agree with me, but because I know that God exists and that true meaningfulness can only come from having him in our lives. How could I not want this for others?

In my day to day life and my spiritual practices, I’ve in different ways caught glimpses of a world beyond this one. Of what a life where I fully walk with God would be like. Felt the love that our creator has for us. I don’t expect anyone to take my word for it. I don’t believe that anyone should take anyone’s word for anything. This is not about mere belief. I cannot say how long it will take, but I believe that whoever knocks on the proverbial door will see it open eventually.

Since I’ve felt some of what I believe to be the eternity that the Bible promises, I know that whatever this world offers pales in comparison. And yet, I’m often sucked into the worries and feelings of lack that for most of us is a necessary component of this life: “I want this. I don’t have that. This doesn’t work the way it should. How am I going to get through this? Why can’t things be different from what they are? Are things ever going to be different?” Etcetera. 

I’ve noticed that my memory works pretty strange when it comes to this. Because it seems as if I can’t be caught up in this world and remember all of the signs that point to a better world at the same time. When I’m caught up in the worries of this life, it seems as if this life is all there is. When this happens, all of the little temporal, passing things of this life and this world, suddenly seem terribly important. Even though I, on some level, know that most of them will have passed away in a month or a year. This while God’s kingdom is forever.

I personally have a fair balance between joy and suffering in my life. Many people suffer more, while other suffer less. But a fact of life is that even those that don’t suffer much today, will in all likelihood suffer more some time during their lives. And suffering is still suffering no matter what. But it’s much easier to bear when we have the solid ground of faith beneath our feet. Not a faith of wishful thinking, but one whose truth is firmly planted in our hearts.

Whether I, in the situations that I face throughout my day, can remember what’s important, seems to have a lot to do with awareness. Can I be conscious enough to notice that I’m slipping before it’s too late? 

Are you beginning to see why cultivating more present moment awareness is so important? This is something that we can do always. Just get into the habit of consciously noticing what is going on as often as possible throughout the day. Being really present with our senses. Noticing both what is going on in the external world and what we’re thinking, feeling and what is going on inside the body. That is all that it takes really. We can read tons of books about mindfulness. I have. But this is all that is really needed. And here comes a little hint: Much more is going on inside the body than we usually are aware of. Just try for yourself and put more focus on what sensations pass through it and see what happens.

Die to live

Before we can simply let go and be reborn, there are so many things that we cling on to, that we have to let go of. We cling on to our social status, career, different pleasures, political opinions, aspirations and so on. These are some of the most common things that we cling to, but the list could be almost endless. 

A funny paradox in all of this, is that it seems like that in order for us to begin to let go, we first need to fully accept that these things are in our lives and not judge ourselves for it. It's not about being hard on ourselves or disliking ourselves, but about seeing what is there and being honest with what it does to us. Remember that we're all sinners.

While there is much in the world that we need to let go of if we want to live dignified lives, God created the world and saw that it was good. This does not change just because sin and corruption has entered the picture. So to just look at it as a garbage dump full of misery that we should strive to remove ourselves from, does not seem like a wise thing to do. I believe something like this: We need to learn to live in the world the way God intends for us to live in it and not in the way that our culture tells us to. To enjoy life and the pleasures of God’s creation in the way that God intended. To focus on what’s essential instead of getting caught up in what doesn’t really matter. Instead of getting caught up in trivialities. Ultimately, to learn to view life from a God-centered eternity-perspective. Because if we truly believe in God and that life will continue after death, to strive for this perspective ought to follow logically.

Jesus says: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The Bible is full of verses about dying to self so that one can live. So that one can become renewed. There is an old self that has to die, so that another, more real self can live. If we follow this line of reasoning, there is a very simple conclusion, which is staring us right in the face when we read the Bible: There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we conduct ourselves in our day-to-day lives. There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we treat other people and ourselves. There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we eat, drink and conduct ourselves. I would even argue that there is a right and a wrong way when it comes to our posture, how we breathe and how we treat our attention. Do we pay attention consciously or do we let chance dictate what we pay attention to?

This last bit, about our attention, is important here. Because something happens when we pay conscious attention to something. If we for example pay attention to our breathing, it becomes more calm and natural all by itself, if we don’t try to do anything with it. There is also a warning implied here. Because attention matters gravely. Think about it. How much what you pay attention to dictates your life. Really think about it. And now think about our society, where there is constantly something ot someone that tries to grab our attention, as loudly as possible. Think about what such a society may do to us if we don’t consciously choose to take control of our attention. Give it some thought. What role does you attention play in your life? And are you consciously trying to control your attention?

We may have very different beliefs about what is going on in the world right now. About the crisises that we are facing. About their origins, severity, what is most dangerous, which people and what information we can trust. But no matter what, I believe that everyone, right in this moment, is called to a renewal in Christ. We may have different views when it comes to many theological issues. But when it comes to the basics of how to conduct ourselves in our day-to-day lives the Bible is very clear. And if we don’t take things out of their context, the truth of what the Bible teaches about this is easy to recognize. Even more so when it is applied. Jesus sets the example that we need to follow, no matter how many times we mess up when we try to do so. We should love, forgive, turn the other cheek, practice non-judgment, do everything with moderation, put our own lives under scrutiny instead of trying to find faults in other people, pray in earnest for our enemies, and so on. 

If we shift our focus a bit, we can in all likelihood find things in our lives that we can change, that do not take any real effort. Do we, for example, really have to take our political opinions so seriously, that we condemn others for having opinions that we find disagreeable? Do we have to speak ill of other people’s lifestyle choices for no good reason? When it might really be our culture, that encourages people to make unsound choices, that we need to criticize? The point is that we do so many things, that do not contribute to who we want to be without even thinking about it. Often without thinking about that we have a choice. 

It might be time to ask ourselves some tough questions: Do I want to become a person that lives up to what it means to be made in the image of God? Do I believe that this is something that I may want to prioritize? Put some time, energy and effort into? Or do I feel that I have other, more important, priorities in my life? If so, why? What is more important than God and to strive be and live the way God intended?

Let me emphasize that I’m not speaking from any high horses here. I don’t look at myself as a particularly good person. How I do see myself however, is as someone that has something to communicate. As someone who is in many ways weak, broken, full of shortcomings and moral failures. But also as someone that sincerely tries to become better. As someone who has been asked by God to do something, even though I don’t know exactly what. Only that it may have something to do with this very striving to become a better, more Christ-like person.

I see myself as someone who has done nothing to deserve this calling, but on the contrary has committed many unworthy acts. All the way from unnecessary and slightly harmful, to seriously shameful and destructive. The only thing that I’ve done to deserve this, is to say yes to the calling, no matter what it may entail. But I’ve also moaned and complained a lot about my everyday struggles. I've often had a hard time keeping up my trust in God. So I guess that I haven’t said yes completely to the whole package. But I at least think that I’m making some progress. That I’m beginning to accept more and more of my hardships as parts of my journey.

There seems to be no other way than to clean house completely, no matter how long it takes. We need to look not just at our habits, but the way we speak and what thoughts we fill our heads with. Yes, our whole personalities. And it cannot be just something that we decide on doing. We need to observe ourselves and consciously decide to break our behavioral patterns. Over and over again. Till we’re completely renewed. From inside out. Does it sound overwhelming? The good news is that it can be practiced all the time, whatever we are doing. And no one is expecting us to be perfect. It doesn’t matter how good or bad we are at this. It’s not that kind of game. Contrary to the games of the world, this is not a competition and what matters here is truly that we try our best. We’re not expected to reach or even hope for perfection. At least not in this life. But, also contrary to the games of the world, there is no way that we can cheat or fool anyone in this game. 

Being okay with who we are

I’m beginning to think that I’ve missed something crucial. Or rather overlooked and misunderstood. Namely being okay with who I am, where I am. To look at my life and say: “this is what I’ve got to work with”, be grateful for it and do my best to make the best out of it.

I’ve read a bunch of the New Age “love yourself” lovey-dovey crap. That is not what I’m talking about. Positive affirmations have never worked for me. I feel exactly nothing when I stand in front of the mirror and say “I love you” to myself. Because itäs just words, coming out of my mouth. I think that real, non-narcissistic self-love is a rather complex process.

Ultimately I think that this is an issue of trusting God. Of believing that even though God has allowed me to mess up so many things, he still has a purpose for everything. Of believing that he can take my brokenness and turn it into something good. Of being content with not knowing what this good is or when it will happen. 

I’ve never felt entirely comfortable in my own skin. And I’m often not okay with being me. I beat myself up for past mistakes. Most of all, I’m mad at myself for the mess that my past self has left for my present self to clean up.

It feels strange to know quite a lot about psychology and spirituality and yet feel that I have so little control over myself and my life. I can see more or less exactly where my problems lie, but I seem unable to do much about them. 

Then I see all of these spiritual teachers that seem to have everything figured out. But I’m truly starting to think that it’s just surface. Marketing strategy. Because people are messy and complicated. It seems to be part of what it means to be human. And when some spiritual teacher displays his or her perfect life and tells me how easy it is to build such a life, it does not inspire me. It makes me feel inadequate. Because when I’ve tried these supposedly easy solutions to life’s problems, I’ve failed over and over again. I do feel that I’ve grown a lot as a person the last few years. And I’ve cleaned up my act quite a bit. It’s true that we do have a fair bit of control when it comes to how we treat ourselves and everyone and everything that are in our lives. 

But I’m I also still struggling on many levels. And there are only a handful of all of the teachings that I feel have actually contributed to my growth. This while many instead have made me more confused. 

One of the people that has had most positive impact on me is Jordan Peterson. He most definitely doesn’t talk about how easy everything it supposed to be. Instead he talks about how life is hard and full of tragedy, but also that we have much more capacity inside ourselves to handle the human condition than we think. That how well we handle life’s storms depends on what kind of character we’ve built. This message, coupled with some truly useful advise, is one that I can get behind.

What I want to say with this, is that many teachings seem to give us unrealistic expectations in life. Instead of being happy with whatever God lays in our path, we instead wonder why things aren’t better. And we feel bad because things don’t flow as smoothly as promised. We feel that there must be something wrong with us. 

What you should know is that if you’re not living the dream, as the YouTubers that you are following, that’s okay. Most of us don’t. Most of us can’t earn a living doing what we’re passionate about. And many struggle to make our everyday lives work. And that has to be okay. God loves us and has a plan for us anyway. 

And here’s the thing: The best people among us, those that do much more than just talk, don’t seem to be problem free people. There is only one perfect person in the whole Bible. Everyone else are different degrees of broken. And I’m beginning to think that those that present themselves as perfect are selling us a lie.

On the other hand, a wise person recently told me that the fruits of the spirit have the quality of fruits. Which means that they have to be watered, nourished and be given time to grow and ripen. So I guess that there might be a point down the line where I feel more confident and put together. But when a bunch of twenty-somethings come out and say that they more or less have figured life out, I believe that it should be viewed with suspicion. And I think that anyone that makes similar claims should display the utmost humility and love in everything they say and do. Because if there is something that I strongly believe, is that the degree to which we’ve figured things out, is directly proportional to the size of our egos. 

What I want to get to with this rather lengthy discussion, is the simple idea that one of the most important things we have to learn, is to work with what we’ve got. Learn to stop wishing for things to be different. Or wait till life is different, makes more sense and we have our acts together before we can live and do what we feel called to do. We have to do so even if we have to stumble around in darkness, no matter how long it has to take. 

Because God is calling right now. Not when we feel ready, but when God says that it’s time. And all that we can do is trust. Through the insecurities, doubts, struggles and feelings of hopelessness, God tells us to trust. Even though we feel broken, lost, confused and friends fail us, God reaches out his hand and tells us to trust. Promises us to use even our brokenness for good. Promises that there is a meaning to everything, even if we can’t see it. And the journey must begin with saying yes to life as it is, right here and now. No matter how hard it seems.

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Love one another!

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength […] Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30-31). 

In these two commandments, Jesus summarizes his whole message. But how often do we really live by it?

What do we answer to questions such as the following: Am I really doing my best to practice non-judgment and forgiveness in all situations? In most? At least towards those closest to me? How do I view those that are different from me? That think differently from me? How do I view people that have the “wrong” opinions? If a brother came to me in sincere repentance and confessed his sins, would I be able to meet him/her in unconditional love no matter what he/she confessed? Would my capacity for unconditional love be affected by whether what he/she confessed affected me personally or not?

When I’m being honest with myself, I’m forced to admit that I’m often unable to follow even the most basic teachings of Jesus and the Bible. And yet I’m often off into all kinds of more or less advanced speculations about right and wrong. I try to figure out what logically must follow from this and that, while ignoring how much I lack when it comes to following that which is written in clear language. Not only written in clear language, but put at the centre of everything that the central figure of the Bible taught. Things that even a five year old can understand.

St. Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, says: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:1). 

In light of this quote from st. Paul, I often feel like nothing. I’ve felt the love I’m capable of. If I look back at those moments, when I’ve been overwhelmed by love not just for those around me, but for the whole of humanity, the world and life itself, I wasn’t aware of this at the time. But I believe that these have been moments when my ego has stepped aside to freely allow God to love through me. 

In my day to day life however, I often feel numb, disconnected and uncaring. This in a time when we need to love, care for and forgive one another more than ever. In a time when we need unity more than ever. I know that I can still choose to act in a loving manner, no matter how I feel. And in these colder moments, perhaps it’s the best that we can do. If it is, it has to be enough until we can do better. But when life runs on autopilot, which it often does, and negative emotions sneak up on us, it’s not always easy to remember to be our best. And more times than I would like to admit, I willingly act against against better judgment. Even though I, at the time, manage to convince myself that I’m not. 

Here I would like to interject, that the more I've processed the negative emotions that I've suppressed and allowed to fester inside my body, the more I've been able to let God's love shine through me. Suppressed emotions, I believe, is one of the main reasons why we feel numb and unloving.

Furthermore, there seems to be layers to this. It probably comes to no one’s surprise, that temptations are harder to resist some times than others. But there seems to be more to it. Sometimes the bile just starts flowing, seemingly by itself. Other times, we have a few seconds to stop ourselves, but for one reason or another, we don’t. We may provide more or less muddled justifications for our behavior. But the truth is that we often simply don’t want to stop ourselves. Our ego has been hurt and demands that the world listens to it when it expresses just how hurt it feels, how it wants others to pay for the hurt and how it expects to be compensated. Or that someone else has done or not done something that disqualifies them as good people. 

If what characterizes Christians is their love for their fellow people, we fall short of this ideal way too often. I fall short of this ideal way too often. I have learned to say no to the really low emotions, such as hate and contempt. If a contemptuous thought creeps into my mind, I usually catch it and refuse to engage with it. But I feel unjustified anger way too often. Anger that is not about some injustice out in the world, but one that stems from my pride having been wounded or something equally ridiculous. 

As you can see, I have a long way to go. But that has to be okay. We all have our baggage. Little habits of thought, speech and action. And if I look at where I was just a couple of years ago, I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m not really such a self-righteous jerk anymore. My baggage is not as heavy anymore. I know that it’s time to put my life completely in God’s hands, no matter what. I know that I owe my whole life to God. Discernment is something that I pray for often. I do my best to understand God’s will. Even if I often fool myself. I want to be able to notice when I speak, act and think in a loveless manner. When I judge and condemn. To bring the light of awareness into the dark corners of my life. And I humbly as God to remove the burden of lovelessness from my shoulders.

The radical love message of Jesus has always been important. But as I said before, I believe that it’s more important than ever today. Because the world is growing colder and darker. It’s easier than ever to get swept away by its ways. What is instead needed, is to stand strong in our faith and make a conscious effort to burn brighter.

In the times ahead we will need each other more than ever. In a few years, we are going to need to come together more than just when we meet at church on Sundays or through the regular church activities. Therefore we need to work actively to strengthen our love for one another. To build up love within ourselves. It’s not always easy. Many of us have, unconsciously, grown cold and numb for many years. If so, it’s time to awaken!

We need each other’s support, care, unconditional love and help through tough situations. Each other’s forgiveness and understanding. And we need to be able to both count on receiving and be able to give this.

Breaking free from the PRISON of COMFORT

We were never meant to live like this. What has happened to us? Life should not consist of relaxation, comfort, pleasure, consumption and safety. Maybe when God said to Adam: “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground” (Genesis 3:19) it was not just meant just as a burden laid upon our shoulders. Maybe in a fallen world it’s not desirable to live any other way. Maybe life loses its meaning when we don’t have to work hard for anything anymore.

Let me ask you this: Do people that make safety and comfort their primary goals seem happy? I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but I’m pretty sure that there is a correlation between the use of anti-depressants and people’s level of comfort. I’m pretty sure that there is a correlation between depression and how many hours are spent on the sofa eating junk food. 

The world makes it easier than ever to be lazy, comfortable and engage in instant gratification. Today we have access to every item of convenience imaginable. We have endless access to entertainment and other distractions, fast food so we don’t have to cook, anti-depressants and sedatives so we don’t have to deal with our emotional problems, cars so we don’t have to walk, medications so we don’t have to take care of our bodies and wellfare so we don’t have to work. And since it becomes harder and harder to find work, while inflation eats up more and more of our salaries, there is less and less incentive to work. 

To top it all off, we can gratify every low desire imaginable like never before. At the store, in front of the computer, on our streaming services and on our smartphones. Shameful consumption that twenty years ago required an effort and to actually look another person in the eyes when we paid for it, can today be done entirely in secret. 

Until a few years ago I didn’t see these things as clearly as I do now. So I have my own demons to fight when it comes to the sad state that we’ve slowly been conditioned into. But I have let go of much since I started to see the troubled state of the world with clear eyes. And when I saw it, I knew that I had no choice. I can hide most things from other people. I can even fool myself that this is enough. But deep inside I know that it isn’t. My choices and actions will mercilessly shape who I am. I can never truly hide my behavior from myself. And I can certainly not hide it from God, who sees everything, knows every single thought that passes through my head and knows me infinitely better than I know myself. 

I’m not free from sloth and gluttony. But I refuse to give in to them and let them rule my life. I engage in overeating from time to time. Now and then I skip going to the gym. And I know that I cannot always trust myself to do the things that I’ve set out to do. Life often feels like an uphill battle. But whatever comes out of my struggles in the end, even if it’s nothing at all, it’s still better than resignation. 

Luckily we’re not alone in this. Just as God has a will for us and cares about our actions, he also understands us. Understands what we’re going through. Understands the world that we are living in. Walks with us in our struggles. Forgives our missteps and failures. 

This does not imply taking the position of infants, where we just assume that God will do everything for us, with no effort on our part. God does expect that we try our best. That we don’t just let go and give in. That we don’t start making excuses. And it’s so easy to start making excuses. I know. Because I’ve struggled with many sins throughout my life. And these struggles have entailed loads of excuses for letting go and giving in. Loads of justifications for why sin isn’t really sin, even though I know in my heart that it is. Justifications for instant gratification so that I don’t have to deal with the suffering and frustration that resisting desire often causes. Justifications that often sound insane when I look back at them. 

It’s easier than ever to just let ourselves go. At the same time, it’s harder and harder to make a different choice. If we want to feel powerful, free and alive the world will work against us. We will often have a baggage from having lived an unconscious life. Bad habits and debts to pay off are examples from my and my wife’s life. And if we want to build a business to stand on our own, regulations and tax burdens make things harder than ever. Regulations and tax burdens that big corporations easily can pay their way out of.

And temptations are everywhere. Which in itself is another challenge. Because it takes time and energy to resist them. It would be so easy to just let go, stop caring and let the government take care of us. Unhealthy food is the cheapest food, so we could easily stick to that, let our bodies decay, get comfortable and numb. Entertainment and distractions are cheap and often free. We only need a trip to the doctor and the pharmacy to escape our emotions. 

I know that I want to get out of this invisible prison that I unknowingly have allowed myself to get trapped in. To me it’s not even a choice. I’d rather live a life of struggle, frustration and disappointment every single day and die disappointed and struggling, than giving in to a meaningless life of comfort, pleasure and instant gratification. Because to me, this type of life isn’t living at all. This type of life is the equivalent of being a walking dead. You don’t live. You just exist.

When I look at what our culture tries to turn us into, I see disconnection from ourselves and disconnection from others. I see numbness. This is not what I want for me or anyone else. I want to feel alive and free even if it’s painful and frustrating. And I’m willing to endure anything to escape our invisible prison. I want to be fully human, the way God intended me to be. And I refuse to become the willless animal that the world wants to turn me into. 

Free will is one of God’s most precious and vital gifts. Let’s not waste it.

Why Christianity?

Should we put our faith in God and put our lives in his hands? Or should we learn about the conditions that we live under to the best of our ability. Learn so that we can defend ourselves against those that want to hurt us through their knowledge about our psyches and how the world functions? 

I believe that this choice is an illusion. I believe that if we choose one and neglect the other, we will risk getting swept away by the storm that is coming. Because a storm is coming. And we’ve just felt the first tiny winds the past few years. But I believe that it’s a storm that brings with it lots of reasons to be hopeful. And hopefulness is really what this post is about. Because we can rest assured that God will carry us through whatever comes our way, in one way or another. It will probably not be the way we expect it. And for most of us, it will most certainly not be without hardships. But we are carried and when this life ends, we will be welcomed back into our heavenly father’s loving arms. 

At the same time, some of us feel called to learn more about ourselves, the world and how we are being manipulated by those that want to control us for their own selfish aims. I believe that the best foundation, if we want to stand strong, is to be found in the Bible. I know that many feel an instinctive resistance towards this idea. If you do, I want you to ask yourself why. Maybe Christianity conjures up images of dry, narrow-minded people that have left their intellects behind to “just believe”. This is the caricature that we are being fed. These types of people are the ones that we for the most part see in movies, on TV and in general everywhere mainstream. 

Before moving forward, I wish to interject that I think that there is much that we have yet to learn about Christianity. I think that Jesus taught many esoteric things and that understood correctly, Christianity is the most exciting spiritual belief out there. If you want an example, you can ponder the meaning of the following statement by Jesus: “The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light” (Matthew 6:22, King James version).

Here is the thing: we are being fed a certain worldview through the mainstream, whether is’s through Hollywood, the music industry or the papers that we read. We are being taught to believe certain things. And the smarter we think that we are, the more susceptible we are to this. Because fundamentally we are not rational beings. Our minds don’t work the way we think that they do. Unless we consciously take a step back and question the information that is being presented to us, we tend to believe it unless it conflicts too much with our current beliefs. So if the shift takes place gradually towards a new belief, we won’t notice it. This is what a normalization process looks like. Things that would have been considered unthinkable a a few decades ago pass by unnoticed today. 

So, why the Bible? Because it tells us the truth about us and our relationship with God and the world. It tells us that God is a loving, personal God that cares for- and has a will for us. It gives us an ideal to follow in Jesus. Someone that both in his words and actions shows us who we should strive to be. It tells us who the Holy Spirit is, so that we can seek his guidance, which is an indispensable help when we try to find our way through this difficult life. He is also a really good friend. One that is always by our side, never lets us down and gives us a window into how it would feel to fully walk with God.

The Bible also clearly tells us about all of the traps that we can fall into and how to avoid them. Because the traps are the same today as 2000 years ago. Even though they are amplified and packaged differently. Nothing new under the sun.

Knowledge about these traps is in other words more needed than ever. Because the world is telling us that in order to be free, we need lots of sensory gratification. And it’s telling us this like never before. 

We need partying, things, sex and tasty food. We are free when we indulge in these things. We are shown that those that are happy, fun and joyful are those that follow their impulses. Those are the heroes of movies today. And those that don't are presented as boring and inhibited by outdated values.

Everywhere we are bombarded with calls to do just that. To give in and follow our impulses. Music and movies that a few decades ago would have been considered too extreme for anyone but a few, are today considered mainstream and is even consumed by children. And if you truly think that these things have no effect on us whatsoever, I don’t think that you have examined it carefully enough. We’ve been conditioned gradually to accept more and more things as normal.

To put it bluntly, the truly exciting things are happening on a spiritual plane. In our relationship with God. On the inside. And in the meeting with other people that are also on a spiritual/religious path. In the conversations we have and what we discover together. So we may abstain from partying and certain types of entertainment. But on the inside, a whole new world might be opening up instead. It is for me. And I know or know of many others that are experiencing the same thing. If friends leave us because we don’t want to take part in their self-destruction anymore, we’re probably better off without them. 

I would say that the bare minimum for making it through life, especially in these troubled times, is a belief in a personal God and an understanding of the basic morals of the Bible. If we have this, we have a solid foundation to stand on. Whatever else we decide to learn besides this will differ from person to person. It’s between us and God. 

I myself have chosen to try and learn as much as possible about religion, spirituality and human psychology. Because I want to be free from the invisible prison of the world. And I want to help others to free themselves. But no matter what I do when it comes to this, I know that I never have to stand alone. That whatever happens, everything is in God’s hands.

To me the leap of faith that I will conclude this post with, came as a necessary consequence of believing what the Bible teaches me about myself and the world. As I hope that I’ve shown, I’m not talking about the historical claims. I’m talking about the impossibility that the Bible could have come about as a result of the efforts of human minds alone.

For me, accepting Jesus as my lord and savior and to actually believe that he died on the cross to atone for my sins is the necessary consequence that I’m talking about. It has neither been proven to me, nor experienced on a personal level. At least not directly, even though you could say that I’ve received what could be called inner confirmations. Confirmations through sensations and shifts on the inside. But not until after I took the leap of faith. 

The leap of faith, as I’ve already stated, came as a result of seeing that what the Bible tells me about myself and how the world operates is absolutely true. And for it to be so, in this way, the hand of God must have been involved. And the more I’ve studied the Bible, the more I’ve seen this hand of God. Seen it through how everything fits together, in spite of so many writers. Seen it through how the symbolism works on so many levels. How prophecies have come true throughout the time span that the Bible was written. And how prophecies are coming true today one after another. How the prophecies fit together. And how they all fit into a greater narrative. Just to name a few things

The life, death and resurrection of Jesus stands at the centre of everything. Without this, everything else falls apart. I’ve been convinced about the truth of everything that I find relevant about the Bible. In such a way that I believe that God must have inspired it. And therefore I find no other choice than to also accept that Jesus Christ is exactly who he said that he is. And that he did exactly what the Bible says that he did.