In these two commandments, Jesus summarizes his whole message. But how often do we really live by it?
What do we answer to questions such as the following: Am I really doing my best to practice non-judgment and forgiveness in all situations? In most? At least towards those closest to me? How do I view those that are different from me? That think differently from me? How do I view people that have the “wrong” opinions? If a brother came to me in sincere repentance and confessed his sins, would I be able to meet him/her in unconditional love no matter what he/she confessed? Would my capacity for unconditional love be affected by whether what he/she confessed affected me personally or not?
When I’m being honest with myself, I’m forced to admit that I’m often unable to follow even the most basic teachings of Jesus and the Bible. And yet I’m often off into all kinds of more or less advanced speculations about right and wrong. I try to figure out what logically must follow from this and that, while ignoring how much I lack when it comes to following that which is written in clear language. Not only written in clear language, but put at the centre of everything that the central figure of the Bible taught. Things that even a five year old can understand.
St. Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, says: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:1).
In light of this quote from st. Paul, I often feel like nothing. I’ve felt the love I’m capable of. If I look back at those moments, when I’ve been overwhelmed by love not just for those around me, but for the whole of humanity, the world and life itself, I wasn’t aware of this at the time. But I believe that these have been moments when my ego has stepped aside to freely allow God to love through me.
In my day to day life however, I often feel numb, disconnected and uncaring. This in a time when we need to love, care for and forgive one another more than ever. In a time when we need unity more than ever. I know that I can still choose to act in a loving manner, no matter how I feel. And in these colder moments, perhaps it’s the best that we can do. If it is, it has to be enough until we can do better. But when life runs on autopilot, which it often does, and negative emotions sneak up on us, it’s not always easy to remember to be our best. And more times than I would like to admit, I willingly act against against better judgment. Even though I, at the time, manage to convince myself that I’m not.
Here I would like to interject, that the more I've processed the negative emotions that I've suppressed and allowed to fester inside my body, the more I've been able to let God's love shine through me. Suppressed emotions, I believe, is one of the main reasons why we feel numb and unloving.
Furthermore, there seems to be layers to this. It probably comes to no one’s surprise, that temptations are harder to resist some times than others. But there seems to be more to it. Sometimes the bile just starts flowing, seemingly by itself. Other times, we have a few seconds to stop ourselves, but for one reason or another, we don’t. We may provide more or less muddled justifications for our behavior. But the truth is that we often simply don’t want to stop ourselves. Our ego has been hurt and demands that the world listens to it when it expresses just how hurt it feels, how it wants others to pay for the hurt and how it expects to be compensated. Or that someone else has done or not done something that disqualifies them as good people.
If what characterizes Christians is their love for their fellow people, we fall short of this ideal way too often. I fall short of this ideal way too often. I have learned to say no to the really low emotions, such as hate and contempt. If a contemptuous thought creeps into my mind, I usually catch it and refuse to engage with it. But I feel unjustified anger way too often. Anger that is not about some injustice out in the world, but one that stems from my pride having been wounded or something equally ridiculous.
As you can see, I have a long way to go. But that has to be okay. We all have our baggage. Little habits of thought, speech and action. And if I look at where I was just a couple of years ago, I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m not really such a self-righteous jerk anymore. My baggage is not as heavy anymore. I know that it’s time to put my life completely in God’s hands, no matter what. I know that I owe my whole life to God. Discernment is something that I pray for often. I do my best to understand God’s will. Even if I often fool myself. I want to be able to notice when I speak, act and think in a loveless manner. When I judge and condemn. To bring the light of awareness into the dark corners of my life. And I humbly as God to remove the burden of lovelessness from my shoulders.
The radical love message of Jesus has always been important. But as I said before, I believe that it’s more important than ever today. Because the world is growing colder and darker. It’s easier than ever to get swept away by its ways. What is instead needed, is to stand strong in our faith and make a conscious effort to burn brighter.
In the times ahead we will need each other more than ever. In a few years, we are going to need to come together more than just when we meet at church on Sundays or through the regular church activities. Therefore we need to work actively to strengthen our love for one another. To build up love within ourselves. It’s not always easy. Many of us have, unconsciously, grown cold and numb for many years. If so, it’s time to awaken!
We need each other’s support, care, unconditional love and help through tough situations. Each other’s forgiveness and understanding. And we need to be able to both count on receiving and be able to give this.
