Badmouthing part 3

I have also noticed that when I’ve said something bad about someone, I feel uncomfortable in their presence. I feel like a phony when I sit there and pretend that there is nothing wrong. I didn’t use to feel this way. Probably because I saw no problem with badmouthing people and therefore pushed down any discomfort that I experienced in their presence. A question that naturally arises is: Was the discomfort always there, but I just didn’t see it? Or did it arise when I changed my perspective? I’ve started to realize that there are so many things going on inside, that I’m not consciously aware of.

Badmouthing part 2

I also wish to take this one step further. You see, I don’t just walk around badmouthing people randomly. There are certain things that trigger me. Two that I can think of right now, since I have fresh examples of them, is laziness and decisions with no regard for the consequences. When it comes to these decisions, it’s especially true when I have to help cleaning up the mess. I think that this has something to do with the fact that I used to be lazy and make such decisions, which has caused the problems that I currently have. So, as usual, my negativity can be traced back to me. 

Badmouthing part 1

I’ve caught myself badmouthing people a couple of times lately. Not in any severe way, not about something that wasn’t true, not about something that doesn’t affect me and not without the hope of things changing. And it happens less and less frequently. But still… I wish to live a life of love, acceptance and free of judgment. So this habit (I would still call it a habit, since it happens now and then and I’m not in full control of it) has to go.