Opening my heart and accepting everything

I can feel that a radical shift is happening within me. It’s been going on for quite some time now. But I still have a lot that I need to let go of. Because this is what it’s about: letting go. Letting go of wanting other people to change. Letting go of wanting reality to be something other than what it is. Letting go of vindictiveness, resentment, judgment, victim mentality and in general all of my lower emotions. 

I’ve realized just how much I’ve weighed myself down with all of the mental and emotional junk that I’m carrying around. 

So, what is at the core of the inability to let go? It’s attachment. Attachment to the need for things to be a certain way. Attachment to certain outcomes. I fall back into this attachment over and over again. I know that shouting at the world will not help one bit. And yet I’m there, over and over again. But I feel that I’m letting go more and more. I think that the best way of going about this, is to, as much as possible, accept where I am and not judge what I have not yet been able to let go of. Accept and bring as much awareness into it as possible. Because when I resist my issues they persist. When I feel the most connected with God, I only get the feeling that everything is okay. That I am where I’m supposed to be. 

This does not mean that my choices don’t matter. And definitely not that I shouldn't take action when it's appropriate. It's more or less the opposite. It's about taking exactly the choices and actions that I deem appropriate, regardless of the results that they may or may not lead to.

Light can only be understood with the wisdom of darkness - balance

We hear so much about the importance of light these days. In all spiritual communities we are told that it is necessary to spread our light and to conquer darkness.

I have been giving this a lot of thought lately. What is darkness? What is there to conquer?

Darkness is defined as absence of light, if you check Wikipedia and other sites on the internet. In our dualistic world, how could we ever recognize the light, if we didn’t have the darkness?

Many people refer to darkness as something that is negative, harmful and even evil. Something that we should fear.

God never condemned the darkness, he said that it was equally important to us as the light. We need the darkness in our life. The keyword here is balance. 

It was only when I could acknowledge and embrace the darker parts of myself, that I could transform and begin to share my own light. I discovered that I truly am everything, every opposite and all I see outside of myself is really only me. 

I got this big opportunity a few months ago, when something totally unexpected and heartbreaking occurred in my life. I was in total chock, anger and pain. After a few days of dwelling in this state, I finally surrendered and opened up to God, and that was a truly transforming experience. I could feel his love for me, and was able to see, from a higher point of awareness, why this had happened to me at this time. I could see my own unhealed wounds and how I projected these into the world. It was a real miracle for me, and it helped me to forgive and open up to a love without conditions, expectations and demands.

When we are triggered by people close to us, we can easily recognize what is unhealed within ourselves, our own darkness. We can then illuminate everything that has been hidden and gain a greater understanding of who we are.

I believe that it is only through fully accepting our selves and others with all our dark parts, flaws, imperfections and fears, that we truly can experience and share the light and all-embracing love.

Title quote: KA Chinery

Einstein and the beggar

Einstein was no more valuable than any simple beggar. We are all eternal souls, equal in the eyes of God. It’s just our egos and their erroneous judgments that say differently. In the end, we hurt ourselves the most by believing these falsities, since they ALL contribute to making us blind to the truth of what actually is. That we are all one, all beloved children of God and that we are all equally loved by God. Separation hurts all. But the one it hurts the most, is the one that keeps it up by judging.

Smile

    Ramana Maharshi                                                    Ram Dass

I’ve noticed that many spiritual teachers have this peculiar way of smiling. It’s a smile that not just shows, but radiates peace, joy, contentment, liberation and a love for life. I’m talking of for example Ramana Maharshi and Ram Dass.

You may scoff at these people, saying that all they have accomplished, is to turn a blind eye to the harshness, coldness and meaninglessness of reality. 

I believe that the truth is just the opposite. That these people have seen through the suffering that, on the surface, seems to be an inevitable part of the human condition, if not today, then tomorrow. I believe that the key here, is to see that there is a difference between pain and suffering.

Ram Dass spent the last twenty years of his life with the right side of his body paralyzed and his speech impaired after a stroke. And yet, he seemed happier than ever. Because the life that he had lived prior to the stroke, had taught him to separate the actual situation from his reaction/response to it. To him, the stroke was just another reason not to identify with the body and mind. 

I usually don’t smile the way that these people smiled. If I became partially paralyzed, I would probably be devastated. Because I am not able to see life with nearly as much clarity as Maharshi or Ram Dass. But I’ve had my moments when I’ve felt this same smile in my face. This would, without exception, be the short moments when I’ve felt really close to God. At these moments, I’ve enjoyed every breath with gratitude for just being alive. I’ve felt unconditional love for everyone that I’ve interacted with and for humanity and the whole of creation. 

At these moments, I’ve felt first that I would always stay in that same state. Because it would be insane to want to go back to where I was before. Then I’ve started to fear losing what I’ve found. Then the grasping and holding on have followed. And inevitably, I’ve found myself back in my “normal” reality with its petty worries, concerns and annoyances. 

But just knowing that there is another state available, one that is independent of my every-day experiences, infinitely more real than the physical reality, takes the edge off of my pain. It seems a little less real every day. Even if I still get caught up in my negative emotions frequently, there is more distance to them. When the storms come, there is a part of me that just observes them. They become less and less intense. They last shorter and shorter periods. Over time, I become less and less attached to my external circumstances. I smile in joy, peace and gratitude for the wonderful gift that life is a little more often.

Are we just smart animals?

I’ve pondered the significance of the teachings of Jesus a bit lately. I think that most would recognize that Jesus has had a huge impact on mainly the Western civilization. But it is an impact that has stretched far beyond it. But how huge this impact really was and still is, took some reading to realize.

One thing that struck me just now, is that Jesus’ radical love message in a sense calls us to leave our animal nature behind. The animal world is governed by survival of the fittest, dominance, ruthlessness and gratification of urges. In short: it is governed by instincts. The majority culture of the society that Jesus lived and taught in was governed by such values.

I think that most could also agree, that if everyone at least attempted to live as Jesus taught, no matter how faulty they were in this pursuit, the world would probably be a paradise. Even if all of us were miserable creatures, with extremely low self-control, we could still create paradise on earth, if everyone made a sincere effort to follow Jesus.

So, what Jesus taught was something that run contrary to our nature, but that has the potential of creating a world that we actually want to live in. Something that actually struck a chord with so many people, that he shaped our civilization more than any other historical figure. In spite of it going against our animal nature.

I think that is worth thinking about.

It seems to me, that if we follow our animal nature, we do what comes natural. But we end up creating chaos for ourselves and others on a personal level. And the more people that act like animals, the worse our societies become.

I think that this also is worth thinking about.

A breaking point

I’ve touched upon the experience that I’m about to describe many times before. But then it has scared me. It felt as if I was going to dissolve. Or that something else was going to happen. But this time, I decided to let go of the fear, trust and embrace.

What I felt was the unity that I share with God and all of his creation. All is one and all is love. And yet, this is not a oneness that threatens our individuality. It is impossible to adequately put this into words, but I am going to try. It was as if everything fell into place in this one single moment. As if the whole world had led me to this somehow. That every little detail of the event was planned beforehand. The love and unity that I experienced was beyond thoughts and identity. Beyond the body. Without beginning or end. And yet, I was very much still in my body. I was very much me. Just so much more. It was an experience of so much love, that I just couldn’t take it. I wanted so badly to stay in that love. But I couldn't. It was over in a matter of seconds and then I was back to normal.

In other words, I’ve reached a breaking point on my journey. I’ve written a couple of blog posts that have a bit of fear in them. I won’t delete them, because my blogging has in many ways been a way for me to document my journey. And it’s not as if these posts are untrue. They are just written from a limited perspective.

But truly, I know now that there is nothing to fear. All will be well. God is love and God loves us infinitely and forever. God will never truly force anything upon us, even though from our finite perspectives, we cannot see how this can be so. But when we spend eternity with God and those that we love, not limited by what is currently holding us back in this finite existence, we will know that it is so. All will be well. Now that I’m starting to come out of my darkness for real, I know this. All will be well. This is what I am here to do. To tell as many as possible that all will be well. 

All will be well

Lately I’ve been experiencing strange and wonderful things. I have touched upon the oneness and unity that I share with God and all of his creation. Afterwards, the same words that were revealed to the mystic Julian of Norwich kept echoing in my mind: “All will be well.” I shiver in delight just thinking of these words. All will be well.

Here is what I know when I don’t let my own, personal fears distort my experience: There is nothing to fear. We are all beloved children of God. Even those that do terrible things. Our only purpose is to love, be loved and express love. All will be well.

Inner peace is always possible here and now. We can always walk with God in peace, by bringing presence and awareness to our experience in this moment and allow God to permeate it, and by letting go of everything within ourselves that is based on fear. It is really as simple as a choice between love and fear. The difficulty lies not in the choice itself, but in seeing through all of the insanity that the world has taught us is normal.

If we observe our speech and behaviors carefully, we can see that they all stem from either love or fear. We already walk with God in every precious moment. Most of us without knowing it. It’s possible to feel God’s presence and turn life into an intimate communication with him. It is just a matter of what we pay attention to. The scary things that go on on the outside, or his loving embrace on the inside. If we choose to walk with God, we can create heaven on earth right here and now. We choose how dark it gets before the dawn. But the metaphorical dawn is coming, just as certainly as the one that comes every morning. All will be well. 

Letting go and choosing love

We are not our thoughts. Our thoughts are not reality. Our thoughts are not right. 

But what does this really mean? Well, basically that we can step back and choose what makes us most happy and what we care about. We don’t need to be attached to anything in the world. We can choose to be attached if we want to. And I’m not sure that it’s always a bad thing, as long as we remember that we can let go of the attachment any time that we want to. Maybe most of the meanings that we give to things are just illusory. Maybe we are just love and have the possibility of always choose love. Love for ourselves and for each other. What would it mean to always choose love, unconditionally, for ourselves and each other? Can we really imagine such a thing? If we tried, what actions would we take? How would we treat others? What would we say? Both when it comes to how we talk to others, and how we talk to ourselves. Because we do talk to ourselves. What would it really feel like to always choose love? What would we, to the best of our ability, think of other people? Of ourselves? What would our lives look like?

In short, what would it mean if we let go of all the thoughts that doesn’t serve love? If we did our best to not believe in them. What would it mean to take the question of always choosing love seriously?