What does it mean to trust God?

Yesterday, I made a post about how lying ultimately comes down to not trusting God. But isn’t this true with other behaviour as well? If we steal or scam people, isn’t this a sign that we don’t trust God to provide for us? When we attack, isn’t this because we don’t trust God’s judgment? And God’s judgment might very well be total forgiveness and mercy for everyone and if so, isn’t the rightness of this what we ought to put our trust in?

If we want to be happy and heal our brokenness, maybe it begins with this trust. Maybe we need to truly take the thought that God knows what’s best for us seriously.

Sorting out spiritual priorities part 2

Now, if I keep my focus on God, God’s love and God’s will, can I trust that life will take me where God wants me to be? I think that this is a fairly important question, so I suggest that you read it again. Go ahead! If you do, you can skip the last four sentences of this paragraph and skip to the next one. It will only take a couple of seconds. And you’ve already wasted a couple of seconds reading my nagging about the opening sentence. So why not waste a few more? And unlike these last four sentences, which are just a bunch of nonsense, the first sentence actually communicates something that at least I deem important.

So, why is this question important? Because many people seem to answer it with a big “no”. And because it has to do with our ability to trust God.

Maybe in the end it all comes down to what I out my time and energy into. 

All of this is so difficult. There are so many questions. For example: What beliefs do I hold for other reasons than because those are the ones that I have the best reasons to hold? What beliefs do I hold because they are part of a self-image that I don’t want to let go of? What beliefs do I hold because they are safe? How far can I trust my own experiences? My own memory of my experiences? How much, in general, do my fears and wishes govern my beliefs?

Just now, I realised that maybe I just haven’t found my place entirely in God’s plan.I know that I’m neither the monk nor the blue-collar family man, that I used as examples in part 1. And even though I wouldn’t mind being one, I’m no rock star either. 

What I do know is that I love books, creativity, meditation and that I’m very interested in how I and other people function. Maybe I should run with that and peel away other stuff from my life and see what happens.

But I was also almost missing something. This something is nothing that I have not thought of before. But since I’m trying to get my priorities straight here, this has to go into it. It wasn’t as if I didn’t touch upon this in the first post either, but some more clarity seems vital. The real question asked here after all, would be: What do all people that aspire to live with God need to have and/or develop in their lives?

Something that the monk, the blue-collar family man, the rock star and anyone else that wants to live with God have in common. We need to develop character and do our best to remove those things from our lives, that keep us from God. All of this means of course that we need grow in the kindness and compassion that we show for other people. There is in all this also a call to transcend our lower desires, egoistic wishes and wants. 

It can all probably be boiled down to “follow Jesus’ example”.

And in all of this, maybe I don’t need to make such an issue about certain things. And maybe if a certain idea or way of looking at reality helps me to be a better person and live a better life, I can at least explore it and use it, until I find something concrete that tells me that it’s not a to do so. Of course with as much discernment as I can muster up. I must be vigilant and not close my eyes to how different things make me feel inside. 

The question is: Does this bring me closer to- or further away from God?

Slipping and slipping and slipping

While publishing a series of posts about humility, I could easily conclude that … well … I’m there again. And again, I didn’t notice. I’ve started to feel pride for working hard. For understanding things. I’ve started to say “me, me, me”. And even if I say that I trust God, I don’t show that trust through my words and my actions. I want to surrender to God. I feel that it should be easy, because God only demands humility. Why is it so hard for me to be humble? Why, after all I’ve experienced, is it so hard to just relax and let go? 

Sorting out spiritual priorities part 1

This is not the first time I talk about how easy it is to get lost in life. Especially in the spiritual life. My quest for God for example, has led me down so many roads throughout my life. At many times, I found myself just walking a road, while having lost sight of my original intent. 

What is important, I believe, is to live for God. I don’t believe that this is the same for all people. For some, it might mean to become a monk and life in a monastery. Someone else might live an ordinary family life, working a blue-collar job and just trying his or her best to build a strong character, be there for others and humbly accept everything that life throws at him or her. Yet another might become a rock star that really makes an effort to be a good role model for his or her fans. 

Whatever one is put on earth to do though, God has to be in all of it. God has to come first. I’ve not always been good at letting God come first. I’ve done some really crappy things, even after I started believing in God. Even after my belief turned into a knowing. If you read some of my other blog posts, you will get an idea of what I mean, even if I haven’t shared the worst yet. Far from it. Maybe some day. If God wants me to.

But I’m not writing this post to talk about how bad I was in the past. This post is mainly about our craving for firm beliefs. A lot of weird stuff has happened in my life. A lot of weird stuff is happening in the world right now. And somehow, the weird stuff in my life, is connected to what is going on in the world. And I want so badly to jump to conclusions as to what it all means. 

Some things point to things that go way outside of common biblical interpretation. And other things point straight to the Bible. 

But what I need to keep focus on is God. Specifically my personal relationship with God, to grow in love of God and to do my best to understand and surrender to God’s will. This must be my focus.

Apart from this, I guess that I have to be content with not knowing. Not knowing my place in the world. Not knowing why I have the experiences that I have or what they mean. Ultimately, not knowing if I’m right with God or not. I have only felt love, forgiveness and undeserved grace from God. And yet, I’m afraid. Yet, I doubt that God can ever accept me. I see my meanness, pettiness, egoism etcetera. Clearer and clearer each day. Sometimes I’m even afraid that I’m just going to find out one terrible truth after another about myself. One terrible truth after another, until it is finally clear beyond any doubt, that I deserve condemnation. 

Then I realise that my thoughts probably have turned sort of neurotic. I don't really believe what I said in the last paragraph. But sometimes I catch my thoughts speculating about stuff like that. I bet some other people do as well. Did I just put negative thoughts into someone's head by my writing? Or did I make someone else feel less alone? I guess I'll probably never know.

And I can see the good in me as well. I want to want what’s good for its own sake. For God’s sake. For other people’s sake and for the world’s sake. And I do want what’s good for its own etcetera sake. As long as life is meaningful, that’s all I need to care. And life is meaningful.

This post didn’t exactly turn out the way I planned it. I think that there will be a part two soon.