I always feel life breathing down my neck part 2

There is another side to this though. Throughout my life I’ve often been quite lazy and inactive. I’ve taken the comfortable route. Maybe not more so than most people, but couple this with some bad decisions, bad prioritising, some refusal to accept reality, avoidance of problems, procrastination and a general inability to organise one’s everyday life, and you have a recipe for a big mess that you have to clean up if you want to live a life that you’re happy with.

Now, I’ve gradually cleaned up this mess more and more. For the most part, it has been life forcing me to reluctantly face reality and do what I have to do to avoid total disaster. This is not how I want to live my life though.

And what I’ve realised, is that, even though it causes a lot of stress for me, I feel best when I’m engaged in stuff. When my life is moving. This is probably not for everyone, but I believe that I’ve been living a life that is very out of line with how I function. I mostly love having a lot to do, as long as the doing doesn’t consist of fixing unforeseen problems. And I feel worst when I’m not moving. When I just sit and chill on the sofa. Except for when chilling on the sofa is a reward I give to myself for having performed a good job.