Set clear goals!

Not knowing what steps to take has been my number one motivation killer. There is nothing that can make me hate any task faster than feeling insecure about what to do. And there is nothing that can make me end up doing something non-productive than this either.

I’ve of course read about the importance of goal setting countless times. But how much this affects both my productivity and the joy that I feel while creating has alluded me until recently. I’ve literally gotten maybe five times more efficient by just having the steps that I need to take written down, in as clear and specific language as possible. 

I know that this must have something to do with how our brains function, but I’m not really sure how. I think that it probably has something to do with how we waste enormous cognitive resources on having to decide what to do over and over again. This would also be in line with psychological findings about what is called “decision fatigue”, which basically says that we have a finite amount of energy for making decisions during the day. 

I would like to conclude with a reflection. It’s becoming more and more clear to me that there are numerous ways that we can improve our day to day lives to make everything run smoother. And that many of these things are common knowledge if we just go look for it. But most of us don’t. Most of us just keep doing things the way we’ve always done them. And so we keep getting the same results.

It's okay to have bad days

I have a tendency to feel that I’m back at square one when I don’t manage to keep my emotions in check. And I feel that all the work that I’ve done on myself has been for nothing. And it feels like the bad mood is going to go on forever. And because I let this feeling go unchallenged, I probably hold on to my bad mood much longer than I have to.

I think that this is something that needs to be talked about. Because I think that this is a huge stumbling block, as well as a cause of much suffering, for those of us that are committed to change. Because that is what we are, right? The spiritual awakening process necessarily entails confronting loads of baggage that we have inside ourselves. And when you look at most public figures that talk about this, you can easily get the impression that, while they certainly have som bumps in the road, they are more or less living their dreams and manifesting tons of abundance.

I’m not one of those people. I’ve accumulated so much baggage during my almost forty years, that I’m many days totally overwhelmed by it. What keeps me going is that I know what I’ve experienced and that I have my wife by my side. I mean, I’ve received actual proof that God exists and that the world is totally different from what my five senses tell me. How cool is that? And I’ve had my wife with me to confirm that I’m not just going crazy.

When I listen to many self-help gurus and and people in the Law of Attraction sphere (I’ve realized a while back that I’m not a big fan of the Law of Attraction by the way), I almost get the feeling that there is something wrong with me because I don’t manage to be happy, grateful and think happy thoughts all of the time.

But I can hardly be alone in feeling that, yes, I’m on a wonderful, magical journey. But it’s also one that entails a lot of struggles and sometimes downright misery and suffering. Problems that I cannot just see as challenges, face them head on with a smile and say “bring it on”. Problems that I would be happy to miss out on the opportunity for growth that they contain, if I just could be rid of them.

At the same time, I know that I’m the one that has created all of my problems and I know that I have no other option than to try and fix them to the best of my ability. The alternative is to throw away all of the wonderful things in my life because of my emotional and financial difficulties. And that is not really an option when it’s put in its proper perspective. Because somewhere, even in my darkest moments, I know that there is something so much bigger than the world with all its petty problems going on here.

Growing through our issues

We often tend to forget that when we deal with a problem, we don’t just solve the problem. We, as people, change as well. 

Basically, the more baggage we have, the more potential for growth we have. Which is good news for me. Provided that I don’t give up. Because just as we grow every time we deal with our problems, every encounter with a problem also provides us with a reason to do just that. To give up. 

Feelings of anger, hopelessness, fear or shame, tensions, bad posture, procrastination, lack of responsibility, overeating, selfishness, difficulty handling money, low self-esteem, addiction, judgment, pride, self-deceit, difficulty staying focused. These are all issues that I either have dealt with or still have in my life. And I have dealt with all of them to some degree.

And most of them have made want to give up and curse my unconscious past, where I either unknowingly created these issues for myself, or they arose due to the circumstances that I found myself in and my inability to cope with them at the time. 

But my refusal to just live with my limitations has also made me grow a lot. Today I know myself pretty well. I’ve become more confident, less judgmental and my ability to understand other people has grown because of it. And maybe the biggest thing is that it is quite a humbling experience to be confronted with all of the dirt one has in one’s life. Even though bursts of pride still flare up in me from time to time. And humility is most definitely one of the most important qualities to grow if one wants to get closer to God. Maybe the most important. 

Seeing all of these things inside me, has also made me understand the fallen state that we are all in. And seeing my ability to handle my difficulties grow, has also given me glimpses of what God intended us to be and what we need to do to start moving in that direction. It has also allowed me to understand many of the deep psychological truths in the Bible and to understand the concept of sin in a different way from most people. Not as something that makes us bad and deserving of condemnation, but as a statement of fact regarding our brokenness and unconsciousness, and their inevitable consequences for our characters and behaviors. In seeing this, I am also trying not to beat myself up too much, as self-acceptance is important and not always easy.

By the way, did you know that sin originally means “missing the mark”?