What is authenticity? PART 2

A question that I myself asked in another post on the same topic is:  “Are YOU there in the things you say and do?”

What do I mean by this? I have a few embarrassing examples from my past, when someone has sincerely asked me for advice, and I’ve responded with some platitude like: “just be yourself” or “just do it”. I don’t know if this was my exact wording. Probably not (hopefully). But the point is that there was no connection between two people in this interaction. It was just a repetition of worn our phrases that did not really come from me, and which were not really addressed to the person I was talking to, with regard to the specific situation that we were discussing. There was no substance. No forethought and no present moment awareness. I may as well had said: “Grevjush brajafreo medanajal bahalk”. It would have been just as meaningful and helpful. 

I don’t want to make this mistake again. I want real connection between real people. But authenticity is hard. As with so many other things, it comes down to awareness. To be able to take a step back and not just respond with the first thing that comes up. To really see and feel the person that we’re talking to. To allow the heart and the brain to work together in the conversations that we have with other people.

What is authenticity? PART 1

“Am I doing this because I truly want to, or because I want others to see me a certain way?” 

A friend asked himself this question a while back, regarding to changes that he is trying to make in his life. Then he discussed the issue with me. I do believe that I tried to answer to the best of my ability. But the question made me think. 

The first answer I can think of is a question: Can’t it be both? We might have a genuine wish to change. But in this wish to change, there might also be a part of us that seeks approval from others. Our wish to change and our need for validation are really two separate issues that intersect. The best thing would be if this wish came purely from ourselves, because the more independent we are from the opinions of others, the stronger we become. But the need for other people’s approval is something that most of us have to varying degree. 

The simple question that I believe is the appropriate one is: Do I truly want this change? If the answer is “yes”, go for it! Do everything in your power to make it happen. And don’t worry if you also do it to seek approval from others. Treat them as separate issues. Maybe the change that you seek to make right now is a more pressing matter? Maybe the need for approval is something that is better to work with over a longer period instead?

Authenticity part 1

 Are YOU there in the things you say and do?