Radical love and awareness

Jesus didn’t just show us what we could be. He also taught that it is our natural state. He showed us this natural state through his character and actions. He showed us what unconditional love looks like. 

Now, we may get confused about what unconditional love means. To love unconditionally is to love no matter what. But a person that loves unconditionally can still demand things of others. Just not as a condition for love. Jesus demanded things of people. He said: “This is what you need to do to follow me” and “This is what you need to do if you want to be free and happy”. The world is what it is and it comes with its conditions. And no matter how much Jesus loves, as long as we live in a fallen world, he can’t help us out of our bondage unless we do what he says that we need to do in order to be free. 

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to meet that person with love and openness. This is our natural state. But from the day we were born, we have been programmed to respond otherwise. Therefore, what should come natural is hard for most of us. What should come natural is met with resistance. I am no exception to this. This is not something that I have conquered within myself. And this is where it has to begin: within ourselves. Actions and words that on the surface are identical, can have opposite meanings depending on what inner state that they stem from.

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to think loving thoughts about the person. We can choose what qualities to focus on. And every time we make such a choice, our hearts open or close a little bit. Love is a feeling that exists in infinite abundance, we can choose it any time and it is always possible to cultivate more of it.

Jesus said: “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemies”. He also told us over and over again to look at our own shortcomings, instead of finding faults in others. These are very clear instructions. There is very little room for misunderstanding here.

So why don’t we always cultivate love. For me, at least part of the reason was that no one told me that I had a choice. At least not in a way that got through to me. And here is where the programming comes in. We learn so many things without questioning them. From movies, music, the news, people around us and other channels, we learn that we live in a hostile world full of selfish people. We learn that power struggles is a necessary part of life, that we live in scarcity and that we need to take what we can and guard ourselves against others. We learn that material possessions and status are important for a happy life. We learn that self esteem comes from putting others in their place and taking revenge. We learn that we should feel offended when we think that someone has wronged us. Just to name a few ways of functioning in the world, that have nothing to do with love, that many of us learn without questioning. 

It is very much a question of awareness whether we make a conscious choice about these matters or not. We may for example feel justified in our anger towards someone. Maybe the person has intentionally wronged us in some way. But if we manage to take a step back and observe what is going on, we can consider what course of action is most beneficial to all concerned parties. Hint: It’s usually not to go off on a slanderous rant as we vent our hurt feelings to a mutual friend. In fact, if we can stop ourselves at the level of our thoughts, this is usually the best way of approaching the issue. If we can keep calm and remember that our thoughts do not represent reality. 

The problem is that we are seldom fully aware of what is going on inside of our own heads. We often assume that we are. But upon closer inspection, we notice all kinds of nonsense in our minds. We notice that there is a constant chatter in our minds whether we like it or not, that we believe many thoughts without sufficient reason and that we often confuse thoughts and feelings. For example. 

We also notice something else, which is very relevant here. Namely that once a negative emotion gets hold of us, we lose our conscious awareness. Then the emotion starts to color our thoughts and perceptions, it becomes much easier to mistake our distorted perception of reality for reality and to start engaging in behavior that has no clear purpose. Such as saying something that we may regret later, to- or about another person. Such as acting in a way that is not loving.

But we often do have a few seconds where we remember, for example, a commitment not to judge. But then comes the justifications: “He or she did this or that to me”. Or we simply pretend that we didn’t hear the little reminder of our commitment at all. Our inner life is interesting in that way, in a rather frightening manner. We often know, on some level, that we have the choice of stopping ourselves. But another side of us doesn’t want to. And when this side wins we let go. And when we let go we go unconscious and words seem to flow more or less automatically out of our mouths. 

We may come to our senses after a while, much depending on our level of maturity. But not before having given ourselves another reason not to trust ourselves. For what reason? Why do we do such things? The only honest answer is: “I don’t know”. As with many, if not most, of our behaviors, we may think up an explanation for them. But if we are being honest with ourselves, it is just that - something that we have thought up. 

The good news is that the more awareness we bring into the present moment, the easier it becomes to make different choices. The easier it becomes to catch ourselves before we think, act and speak in an unloving manner. The easier it becomes to choose love. And the more we choose love, the closer we get to our rebirth in the image of God. In Christ likeness. Which is the goal of every human, whether we recognize it or not.

Die to live

Before we can simply let go and be reborn, there are so many things that we cling on to, that we have to let go of. We cling on to our social status, career, different pleasures, political opinions, aspirations and so on. These are some of the most common things that we cling to, but the list could be almost endless. 

A funny paradox in all of this, is that it seems like that in order for us to begin to let go, we first need to fully accept that these things are in our lives and not judge ourselves for it. It's not about being hard on ourselves or disliking ourselves, but about seeing what is there and being honest with what it does to us. Remember that we're all sinners.

While there is much in the world that we need to let go of if we want to live dignified lives, God created the world and saw that it was good. This does not change just because sin and corruption has entered the picture. So to just look at it as a garbage dump full of misery that we should strive to remove ourselves from, does not seem like a wise thing to do. I believe something like this: We need to learn to live in the world the way God intends for us to live in it and not in the way that our culture tells us to. To enjoy life and the pleasures of God’s creation in the way that God intended. To focus on what’s essential instead of getting caught up in what doesn’t really matter. Instead of getting caught up in trivialities. Ultimately, to learn to view life from a God-centered eternity-perspective. Because if we truly believe in God and that life will continue after death, to strive for this perspective ought to follow logically.

Jesus says: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The Bible is full of verses about dying to self so that one can live. So that one can become renewed. There is an old self that has to die, so that another, more real self can live. If we follow this line of reasoning, there is a very simple conclusion, which is staring us right in the face when we read the Bible: There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we conduct ourselves in our day-to-day lives. There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we treat other people and ourselves. There is a right and a wrong way when it comes to how we eat, drink and conduct ourselves. I would even argue that there is a right and a wrong way when it comes to our posture, how we breathe and how we treat our attention. Do we pay attention consciously or do we let chance dictate what we pay attention to?

This last bit, about our attention, is important here. Because something happens when we pay conscious attention to something. If we for example pay attention to our breathing, it becomes more calm and natural all by itself, if we don’t try to do anything with it. There is also a warning implied here. Because attention matters gravely. Think about it. How much what you pay attention to dictates your life. Really think about it. And now think about our society, where there is constantly something ot someone that tries to grab our attention, as loudly as possible. Think about what such a society may do to us if we don’t consciously choose to take control of our attention. Give it some thought. What role does you attention play in your life? And are you consciously trying to control your attention?

We may have very different beliefs about what is going on in the world right now. About the crisises that we are facing. About their origins, severity, what is most dangerous, which people and what information we can trust. But no matter what, I believe that everyone, right in this moment, is called to a renewal in Christ. We may have different views when it comes to many theological issues. But when it comes to the basics of how to conduct ourselves in our day-to-day lives the Bible is very clear. And if we don’t take things out of their context, the truth of what the Bible teaches about this is easy to recognize. Even more so when it is applied. Jesus sets the example that we need to follow, no matter how many times we mess up when we try to do so. We should love, forgive, turn the other cheek, practice non-judgment, do everything with moderation, put our own lives under scrutiny instead of trying to find faults in other people, pray in earnest for our enemies, and so on. 

If we shift our focus a bit, we can in all likelihood find things in our lives that we can change, that do not take any real effort. Do we, for example, really have to take our political opinions so seriously, that we condemn others for having opinions that we find disagreeable? Do we have to speak ill of other people’s lifestyle choices for no good reason? When it might really be our culture, that encourages people to make unsound choices, that we need to criticize? The point is that we do so many things, that do not contribute to who we want to be without even thinking about it. Often without thinking about that we have a choice. 

It might be time to ask ourselves some tough questions: Do I want to become a person that lives up to what it means to be made in the image of God? Do I believe that this is something that I may want to prioritize? Put some time, energy and effort into? Or do I feel that I have other, more important, priorities in my life? If so, why? What is more important than God and to strive be and live the way God intended?

Let me emphasize that I’m not speaking from any high horses here. I don’t look at myself as a particularly good person. How I do see myself however, is as someone that has something to communicate. As someone who is in many ways weak, broken, full of shortcomings and moral failures. But also as someone that sincerely tries to become better. As someone who has been asked by God to do something, even though I don’t know exactly what. Only that it may have something to do with this very striving to become a better, more Christ-like person.

I see myself as someone who has done nothing to deserve this calling, but on the contrary has committed many unworthy acts. All the way from unnecessary and slightly harmful, to seriously shameful and destructive. The only thing that I’ve done to deserve this, is to say yes to the calling, no matter what it may entail. But I’ve also moaned and complained a lot about my everyday struggles. I've often had a hard time keeping up my trust in God. So I guess that I haven’t said yes completely to the whole package. But I at least think that I’m making some progress. That I’m beginning to accept more and more of my hardships as parts of my journey.

There seems to be no other way than to clean house completely, no matter how long it takes. We need to look not just at our habits, but the way we speak and what thoughts we fill our heads with. Yes, our whole personalities. And it cannot be just something that we decide on doing. We need to observe ourselves and consciously decide to break our behavioral patterns. Over and over again. Till we’re completely renewed. From inside out. Does it sound overwhelming? The good news is that it can be practiced all the time, whatever we are doing. And no one is expecting us to be perfect. It doesn’t matter how good or bad we are at this. It’s not that kind of game. Contrary to the games of the world, this is not a competition and what matters here is truly that we try our best. We’re not expected to reach or even hope for perfection. At least not in this life. But, also contrary to the games of the world, there is no way that we can cheat or fool anyone in this game.