Let's talk about SIN and SALVATION PART 2

Today it’s not so popular to talk about sin. For obvious reasons. People don’t like the burden that they feel that it places on their shoulders. They don’t like the thought of being judged. Yet, if we pay attention, can’t we see that reality judges us all the time? Some people get away with sinning, but I would say that most don’t. Some consequences are obvious: Thieves get caught. Liars get exposed. But often the fear of getting caught or exposed is a punishment in itself. And at least from my experience, sexual immorality drains us mentally and damages our relation to other people. But we seldom see such less obvious consequences. Many instead get angry. They think that religion wants to hinder them from enjoying life for no good reason. Actually I understand this. I think that people forcing religious morals on others has done more damage when it comes to this than anything else. 

I’ve gained a gained a clearer perspective on my own past and present sinfulness lately. One that does not excuse, but explains. And this is important. Explanations. Because when we can explain something we can understand it. We can find acceptance and forgive ourselves. We can start thinking constructively about our situation and look for the best ways of handling it. But before we have diagnosed the problem, we are in the dark. Everything seems chaotic, overwhelming and it seems impossible to get a handle on it.

In some strange way, I thought that all of what I was doing back in “the good old days” was somehow justifiable. I think that this is the case for most people, even though I believe that there are some truly evil people in the world as well. And yet, as I said in the first post, somehow I can’t get away from the feeling that we are somehow still responsible for our actions. Even though we can truly say that, at the time, we didn’t know any better. 

This is a moral problem that I think deserves to be taken seriously. Stated clearly, the problem is as follows: “Basically everyone seem to find justifications for their actions inside their heads. This means that everyone seem to believe that what they are doing is right, no matter how wrong it is. And yet, we seem to be morally responsible for our actions.”

In one sense, as I said in the beginning, moral responsibility hits us directly through the consequences of our actions and the characters that we develop through our choices. But there seems to be something that goes beyond this. Maybe it’s something like this: If God exists, which he does, and he seems to have woven some sort of moral into the fabric of reality, going against this moral might also impact our relationship with God somehow. 

Until I started thinking in the terms of moral responsibility, I was blind to all of my problems. Because I just let go and allowed my impulses to rule me, while thinking that I was making a free choice. 

The change in perspective came with my belief in God. And here is the thing that I find interesting. Before I started believing in God and consequently that there was such a thing as right and wrong, I was not aware that I wasn’t really making conscious choices at all. I thought that I was free when I followed my impulses. It was first when I started to resist my impulses that I realized that they were controlling me.

What I wonder about is where we should cut ourselves some slack and say that “we’re only human” or “I didn’t know any better at the time” and when we should be more harsh with ourselves. How guilty should we feel? Until we start taking faith seriously, we are in the grip of the ways of the world. The world tells us that a lot of things are okay that goes against our faith. And if we engage in everything that the world tells us is okay, and even many things that our cultures encourage, we are going to become corrupted. 

The Bible does say that the truth is written into our hearts. And while this may be true, we may go through our whole lives without learning to really listen. How much blame can be put on our shoulders, if we’ve been taught the wrong things our whole lives and never been given any real reasons to question our beliefs? 

Many questions come to mind when I ponder this. Are we allowed to factor in our own needs when we ponder God’s demands? Should we always stay on the safe side when it comes to issues that God, according to some people, may have a problem with? Obviously, if our choices may send us to hell, the most reasonable course of action would be to abstain from anything that may send us there. No matter how far fetched it seems. But what if this is not how God wants us to live our lives? Can we really have a loving relationship with God if we live this way? Is this what a good relationship with a parent would look like? You abstaining from most things that you enjoy out of fear of punishment, even if you yourself can’t find any good reason why?

The world is, for example, full of people that are saying that Christian rock is sinful music. I personally love bands like Skillet, Rebecca st. James, The Letter Black and Éowyn. And I feel that listening to them actually helps me become a better person. The lyrics are uplifting, encouraging and they have gotten me through many tough times.

But if I could actually get tortured for all eternity for listening to them, I might consider listening only to psalms and classical music that came before Beethoven. Because apparently many people at Beethoven’s time were worried what effect his music might have on people. So better not listen to Beethoven, just to be on the safe side. 

To me, this line of reasoning becomes silly. When someone can point to a Bible verse that tells me, in clear language, that I cannot listen to rock music, I’ll stop listening to Christian rock. 

I think that there is an argument to be made for viewing sin as something that corrupts. So if something does not seem to corrupt us, or cause corruption in general, I think chances are low that it actually is sin. And I have yet to find something that the Bible clearly warns against, that doesn’t corrupt us eventually. Ultimately, I believe that this is between us, our conscience and God. No other human can decide for us if something is a sin or not. If something is having a corrupting influence on us or not.

I would here like to offer a small warning from my own life. I used to live a life that was slowly numbing my emotions, while I was slowly becoming weak, cowardly and irresponsible. I lived without realizing this for many years. This is why sin can be so insidious. We don’t see how it affects us until we have an honest look at ourselves.

Consider the small example above, when you examine your own life and what effect your actions and lifestyle have on you and your character. Just because you manage to tell yourself and others that everything is okay it doesn’t mean that it is. And the consequences are there whether you believe in them or not. I believe that you have the absolute right to do whatever you please with your life. But life is full of traps that are allowed and encouraged by society. Traps that are often hard to spot when you don’t see yourself, your actions and their consequences clearly. Which you almost never do. And somewhere down the line you will have to reap what you sow. 

I do however believe that the more we take these questions seriously and the more honest we are with ourselves, the better our chances are. And ultimately, this really is between you, yourself and God. I don’t wish to tell anyone what is right or wrong, except when it comes to the really obvious, such as killing or stealing. I’m still figuring this out myself. 

Neither do I want to claim that I know the ultimate consequences of our actions. I do however want to encourage anyone reading this to take the question of right and wrong seriously. And to not be too hasty with the conclusions that this deliberation leads to. There is so much potential for wishful thinking here. I know. Because I’ve fooled myself countless times and had to deal with the consequences.

TO PART 1

Photos:

Thunder: Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

Church: Souris on Unsplash

Let's talk about SIN and SALVATION PART 1

Some people say that we all do our best from where we’re at. Others say that we’re all sinners, deserving God’s judgment and that everyone that isn’t the right type of Christian will go to hell. 

These are of course two extremes, but people seem to lean quite heavily towards one of the two sides. I find both views to be too simple for such a complex problem as sin. And both are deeply problematic for many other, more or less obvious reasons.

In this post I want to call for an open conversation and some afterthought, without giving any definite answers. Because there are so many opinions on these difficult subjects and so little nuance. 

So let’s get into it.

The first view seems kind and forgiving on the surface. We already live with a lot of shame and guilt in today’s world, so if we can find a solid argument that leads to the conclusion that we are good just the way we are, this seems like a good thing. But it also seems to negate free will and moral responsibility. Taken to its extreme, this view also seems to imply that if I decide to live a life of lying, cheating, stealing and murder it’s not really my fault, because from where I am it’s the best that I can do.

Some are willing to live with these consequences. But I am not. I believe that free will and moral responsibility is what separates us from animals. I also know that no matter if we believe in free will or not, we live as if we have such a will. Our whole existence, from the individual to the whole global collective, relies on us being responsible for our own actions.

On the other hand, the second view seems incredibly harsh. And it seems to add an element of arbitrariness to something as important as the eternal destiny of our souls. To be clear, what we’re talking about here is the possibility of being tortured forever. If this is the truth, we have no other choice than to accept it and do our best to avoid such a fate. And I would not want to be someone that leads people astray with regards to this. Both for other people’s and my own sake. But our beliefs determine both what world we experience and how we perceive God. So I think that this question deserves some rather serious deliberation before we decide on what to believe. 

And now I haven’t even discussed the problem that is solved by the first view. Namely that we often don’t understand what we do when we do it, or that we may be engaged in something morally questionable. Or the corrupting influence that our culture today clearly has on us. 

I will elaborate on this in the second post. For now, it will suffice for me to say that I believe it to be irresponsible and cowardly to blame all our actions on society. But I also think that it’s too harsh to blame ourselves completely, when, as I said, we’re exposed to so much corruption on a daily basis.

The way out of judgment, according to the view that we are discussing, is to accept Jesus as our lord and savior. But who wouldn’t do that, if they understood that this is what is required to be saved? I guess that it’s possible to reject this offer out of pride. But no one in their right mind, knowing fully what they rejected, would make such a decision.

I believe that there has to be a middle way somewhere. I’ve been struggling with some mental issues throughout my life. Issues that I’ve gained a clearer perspective on the past few years. This means that I so well know how difficult self-control can be. 

It’s easier to see how helpless we are in the face of our own psyches when we’re struggling with minds that turn against us. But I believe that this is more or less true for all of us. Illness or not, we all seem to be a little bit sick. If we try to stand on our own and make ourselves the final authority of our lives, we will be victims of forces beyond our control. Forces in the world and inside ourselves. Our animal nature will persuade us of all kinds of things all on its own, while our thoughts provide us with the reasons that give us the illusion of choice. Then we have the world with its morals and temptations. This seems to be the foundation of sin. And seen in this light, sin does seem more like a failure than a free choice.

But there has to be some choice somewhere. As I said before, free will and moral responsibility seem to be woven into what it means to be human and without them we are reduced to thinking animals. So, where does this leave us? 

Let’s look at what I think that the second view gets right. Even if I have free will and am responsible for my actions, I seem unable to do this all on my own. 

I will present the line of reasoning that is soon to follow in a very condensed form here. It has almost twenty years of struggles, experiences and thinking back and forth behind it. A journey that it would take several books to describe. But this is where I’ve landed. 

My line of reasoning is as follows: The Bible expresses a truth about God and reality that cannot be found anywhere else but the Bible. If it is so, then the death and resurrection of Jesus and what it means for us must also be true. Because this is the absolute focal point of the Bible. It cannot be grasped with the intellect. I do think that there is a whole conversation to be had about the validity of the theology that has grown out of the churches since this event. But the Bible is clear about that everything in it points towards the death and resurrection of Jesus and what it means for us. So I cannot believe that the message of the Bible is inspired by God and then reject what Jesus’ death and resurrection means for us. And I cannot allow my petty, faulty, often arrogant intellect get in the way of this, just because it cannot be understood on an intellectual level.

The interesting thing is that the more I ponder this, the more I seem to get confirmations that it’s written into my heart. Just like the Bible says. It feels more and more real. 

So we seem to need Jesus for our salvation and atonement for our sins. We need to cultivate a relationship with the Holy Spirit so that we have a friend that is always with us and guides us. And we of course need to have the correct beliefs about God and cultivate our relationship with him. Because if we don’t know what we are aiming for, we are bound to miss the mark. Without this foundation everything else crumbles, both on an individual and collective level. We exist to love and worship God. All other gifts from God pale in comparison with this relationship.

Finally, we need a moral system to guide us. To me at least, the best system that I’ve found is the Bible. It shows us how to act in a dangerous world so that we don’t get swept away by the usual storms that surround us. And if a big storm comes, which it will, it gives us the best possible conditions to survive it. The Bible requires us to grow up and take responsibility. To abstain from things that are bad for us and do what’s good for us.

The proof is in the pudding. Societies that reject God always crumble sooner or later. It might look good for a while. Everyone seems free, happy etcetera. But left to their own, our animal natures soon takes over and it’s survival of the fittest from then on. The strongest, brightest and most ruthless win while the rest of the world suffers and falls apart. And if this continues long enough, there are no winners left at all.

I will end this post here. But I hope that you will come back and read my next post on Wednesday, where I try to tie this all together. 

TO PART 2

Photos:

Thunder: Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

Church: Souris on Unsplash

Growing through our issues

We often tend to forget that when we deal with a problem, we don’t just solve the problem. We, as people, change as well. 

Basically, the more baggage we have, the more potential for growth we have. Which is good news for me. Provided that I don’t give up. Because just as we grow every time we deal with our problems, every encounter with a problem also provides us with a reason to do just that. To give up. 

Feelings of anger, hopelessness, fear or shame, tensions, bad posture, procrastination, lack of responsibility, overeating, selfishness, difficulty handling money, low self-esteem, addiction, judgment, pride, self-deceit, difficulty staying focused. These are all issues that I either have dealt with or still have in my life. And I have dealt with all of them to some degree.

And most of them have made want to give up and curse my unconscious past, where I either unknowingly created these issues for myself, or they arose due to the circumstances that I found myself in and my inability to cope with them at the time. 

But my refusal to just live with my limitations has also made me grow a lot. Today I know myself pretty well. I’ve become more confident, less judgmental and my ability to understand other people has grown because of it. And maybe the biggest thing is that it is quite a humbling experience to be confronted with all of the dirt one has in one’s life. Even though bursts of pride still flare up in me from time to time. And humility is most definitely one of the most important qualities to grow if one wants to get closer to God. Maybe the most important. 

Seeing all of these things inside me, has also made me understand the fallen state that we are all in. And seeing my ability to handle my difficulties grow, has also given me glimpses of what God intended us to be and what we need to do to start moving in that direction. It has also allowed me to understand many of the deep psychological truths in the Bible and to understand the concept of sin in a different way from most people. Not as something that makes us bad and deserving of condemnation, but as a statement of fact regarding our brokenness and unconsciousness, and their inevitable consequences for our characters and behaviors. In seeing this, I am also trying not to beat myself up too much, as self-acceptance is important and not always easy.

By the way, did you know that sin originally means “missing the mark”?

Badmouthing part 3

I have also noticed that when I’ve said something bad about someone, I feel uncomfortable in their presence. I feel like a phony when I sit there and pretend that there is nothing wrong. I didn’t use to feel this way. Probably because I saw no problem with badmouthing people and therefore pushed down any discomfort that I experienced in their presence. A question that naturally arises is: Was the discomfort always there, but I just didn’t see it? Or did it arise when I changed my perspective? I’ve started to realize that there are so many things going on inside, that I’m not consciously aware of.

Badmouthing part 2

I also wish to take this one step further. You see, I don’t just walk around badmouthing people randomly. There are certain things that trigger me. Two that I can think of right now, since I have fresh examples of them, is laziness and decisions with no regard for the consequences. When it comes to these decisions, it’s especially true when I have to help cleaning up the mess. I think that this has something to do with the fact that I used to be lazy and make such decisions, which has caused the problems that I currently have. So, as usual, my negativity can be traced back to me. 

Badmouthing part 1

I’ve caught myself badmouthing people a couple of times lately. Not in any severe way, not about something that wasn’t true, not about something that doesn’t affect me and not without the hope of things changing. And it happens less and less frequently. But still… I wish to live a life of love, acceptance and free of judgment. So this habit (I would still call it a habit, since it happens now and then and I’m not in full control of it) has to go. 

What is sin?

The concept of sin comes from the greek word “hamartia”, which means “to err” or “miss the mark”. 

Now, I don’t claim to be an authority on sin (I do have a lot of first-hand experience of it though… ;)). So maybe I’m completely wrong here. But I do believe that this original meaning can tell us something that has gotten lost. And I’m not alone in this. Several teachers that go beyond traditional interpretations of the Bible have pointed this out.

Looking at the original meaning, sin seems to imply a failure to do something correctly, rather than an act of evil. And if we look at how life seems to function, I believe this way of looking at sin to be correct.

You see, from my own experience, I’ve come to believe that we always act from a place where we believe that our actions are “right”, in some sense. Even if we don’t believe that there are such things as right, wrong, good or evil, we still in a sense believe that what we do is right. Or, at least not wrong. Since we don’t believe in such a thing as right or wrong. 

Is it possible to downright do something that we know is wrong, without having some justification for our actions? Sure. But those that do it are a very small minority. And they become even fewer when you take away mentally disturbed people. 

So, the complete nihilist might feel somewhere in his or her heart that some actions are wrong. I used to be a nihilist and I can for sure say that I could feel that many of my actions were wrong. But because of my belief-system, I managed to shut my eyes to these feelings. This does not mean that I’m not responsible for my actions. It’s not an excuse. But it is an explanation. An explanation that I believe is sufficient for me not to be considered evil. Corrupt maybe. Nihilism is for sure a corrupt belief-system. Had I persevered in my nihilism, I might even have become so corrupt that I became completely deaf to my conscience. Fortunately, this is something that I will never know.

The more I analyze my actions and other people’s actions, the firmer I become in my belief that most of us are a pretty confused bunch. We don’t really understand why we do what we do, or how it affects us or other people. On top of that, we live in a very confusing world, where we are bombarded with different messages on how to think, feel and act, together with different types of appeals to our lower natures. And let’s not forget that the values (here in the West, that would be Christian values), for good and bad, that we’ve considered as facts for almost two millennia, are being questioned, with no new “truth” about right and wrong to replace them. 

So if you believe in the idea that God hates the sin but not the sinner, how could it make sense that God would judge the sinner? Isn’t sin, logically, a product of wrongful thinking that, logically, cannot be the fault of the sinner? Doesn’t the sinner engage in wrongful thinking because he or she is broken and confused and not because he or she wants to do bad things? 

Can we trust ourselves? Part 2

Maybe we can learn how we can trust ourselves? Maybe if we can clearly see the state that we are in and with God’s help find the tools to transcend it, we can recognize the voice of God without having to rely on external sources, confident that we won’t be led astray by the forces inside and outside ourselves. Maybe Neale Donald Walsh’s books should be read in this way. That is, not as a literal conversation with God, where God’s words are coming through perfectly. But rather as one man’s attempt to discern God’s voice, among all of the other voices that occupies his mind. Maybe, if we’re cautious of our impulse to accept different teachings as gospel (pun intended), we can study different spiritual teachers without fear of being led astray. 

This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. As my spiritual journey progresses and I gain more experience as I go along, the lens through which I view what I read becomes wider, since I can compare it with my personal experience. I don’t think that there is any point for me to take to heart that which I cannot relate to. It doesn’t mean that I have to dismiss it altogether. Sometimes I might sense that there is something with certain teachings, even if I don’t understand them as I’m reading them. I know that this was the case when I first read Eckhart Tolle. I intuitively felt that he had understood something. And now that I am more present in the moment, now that I can see more clearly when I am resisting what is and now that have gotten more in touch with my inner body, I understand what he’s talking about. And I can see myself moving closer to the state of inner peace and silence that he’s talking about.

And what I can also see, is that the more I am in this state, the easier it is for me to have discernment. For one, I pay attention much more, which makes it easier to see what is relevant in any given situation. It also makes it easier to pay attention to the voice of God inside. And maybe the truth is that simple. That when functioning from this calm, present, silent state, discernment becomes easy. Effortless. But, as I said in the beginning of this post, as long we are not on this state constantly, we might need to know as much as possible about the condition that we are in. I believe more and more that Jesus’ teachings are what will come naturally to us, once we function from this state and not via all of the ego-voices that are not really us. This might be why some say that the ego doesn’t really exist. Because what we truly are, is completely natural and effortless. The rest is just constructs in our minds. It is not real. At least, this is what I’ve come to believe. I’ve also come to believe that the more we understand about our condition, the easier it is to see when we’ve gotten off track. Maybe this means that in the end, complexity and simplicity converge naturally and turn out to be two sides of the same coin. As above, so below.

Can we trust ourselves? Part 1

I want to begin this post by asking a second question: Can we trust any authorities? 

These are quite troubling questions for me. On the one hand, I understand enough about self-deception, the unconscious, unconscious motives, manipulative forces in society and a bunch of other stuff that imply that “no” would be the correct answer to the question in the title of the post.

On the other hand, I can’t see how the answer would be to just blindly follow everything in the Bible no matter what. I’ve experienced enough strange and wonderful things, that traditional Christian teachings simply don’t seem like a viable option. 

Let’s get into the absolute beginning of my spiritual journey. I was a Laveyan satanist (basically ago-affirming atheism, at least on the surface), from the age of 17 to the age of 23. I actually started questioning my beliefs a year earlier. But this was when stuff happened that gradually, over a few days or months, shattered my beliefs. I don’t really remember what exactly took place in my mind, but afterwards I’ve just received more and more reasons to strengthen my belief in God and a spiritual reality. 

Since I had vacation to take out, I took a week off from work to think things through. At the time, I lived in Gothenburg and in connection with the vacation, I visited the big shopping mall called Nordstan at the core of the city. I thought that I wanted something to read that could… What? Stimulate my thoughts and help me make sense of things I guess, even though I probably didn’t put it into these exact words in my mind. So I visited a regular bookstore. And as I remember it, the first book my eyes fell on was Neale Donald Walsh’s Tomorrow’s God.

So, I bought the book and read it over the week. And even though I felt a bit uncomfortable with the style of the book, where the author does sort of an interview with God, the book rang true somehow. 

But maybe Satan led me to the book to trick me somehow, just when salvation was within my reach. I’m not kidding here. If Satan is real (something I mostly don’t believe in a litteral sense), wouldn’t this be exactly what could be expected of him, when he sees that he’s about to lose his grip on my soul? The question of the devil deserves to be taken seriously, until we can dismiss it on firm grounds. We are after all talking about the beliefs of hundreds of millions of people, and it is a part of the narrative of 2.5 billion people, even if all of them don’t believe in him. And 200 years ago, the absolute majority of the people in the Western world believed in him.

But I’ll leave that discussion for another post. The point is that we have a tendency to filter the information we take in, keep what we like, discard the rest and view it in a way that supports the “truth” that we prefer. To make matters worse, we don’t always prefer the most favorable truth. Our culture and upbringing shapes what we wish to believe in as well. Plus that we have a bunch of other biases as well. We might have a tendency to believe boring or painful “truths” more, since we might have a tendency to believe more in someone that says something uncomfortable, than someone that just seems to tell us what we want to hear.

So maybe this is the truth. That there are no ultimate truths. And that we therefore are free to do what we want with no spiritual consequences whatsoever. Or maybe we can at least just discard everything that cannot be agreed upon from a religiously neutral stance. This idea seems pretty appealing, doesn’t it? We can just go out, have fun and enjoy life in any way the we please and then we’ll go to heaven when we die. Or reincarnate as a better version of ourselves in another life. I know that I find such thoughts appealing.

But then we come back to the problem of our bias towards believing what we wish to be true.

Start acting as if everyone knew what you are doing

It is probably true that most people are too occupied with themselves to notice how you behave. But don’t we want to be genuine, open and honest? Doesn’t that sound better than false, closed and dishonest? Then maybe if we started to act as if everyone knew what we were up to, we would come closer to the former and further away from the latter.

An interesting observation about worming

In my old life, I often tried to worm myself out of taking responsibility for different things. What I’ve noticed on several occasions, is that I still feel like this is what I’m doing, even when I’m giving an entirely honest explanation. I end up feeling guilty, before I take a step back and realize that, wait a minute. That’s actually exactly what happened and/or my motives were exactly what I said that they were.

The devil is real... part 2

So, whether the Devil is an actual being or not, we still have to do the same battle with him. I’m sure that there is a life after this one, in some way. But maybe we should focus on what we can do in this life, instead of worrying about punishments or rewards in the next. Maybe heaven and hell is a trap, that makes us more focused on what we can get our of the afterlife, instead of how we can improve and help others in this one.

Ask yourself this: if you know that there is a God and an afterlife, that God loves you and is infinitely wiser than you are, do you really need the promise of rewards and punishments to want to do his will? With the question posed this way, I think the answer is pretty simple.

The Devil is real... part 1

…at least in some way. Is the Devil is an actual entity or not? I don’t know. But he definitely lives inside of us in the form of the ego. He is the one that rather has us accuse others, than look at ourselves. The one that has us boasting about our accomplishments, instead of humbly thanking God for giving us strength and guidance. He is the one that makes us angry and frustrated about all the things that we don’t have, instead of being thankful for the things that we do have. And he is the one that makes us doubt that there is more to life than the brief time that we spend here on earth and therefore makes us believe that we need to take as much as possible before we die. 

How wonderful it is to be a sinner

The title of this post is sort of click bait. What I’m talking about here is something akin to the parable quoted in the post-image.

The point is that I’m grateful for my sins, because they make it harder for me to judge others. However, I had to become aware of my sins for this to be the case. In the past, I didn’t see my own sins. Or more specific, I didn’t look at them as sins. As something disgraceful or hurtful, or whichever other label one might give to actions that fit under the label “sin”. So I judged. I still catch myself judging sometimes, I have to admit. In my thoughts, I catch myself doing it quite often, even though I catch myself quicker and quicker and do my best not to believe my judgments. 

Do I judge the pharisee? Let me put it like this: for most of my life I didn’t look properly at myself. So I judged. I could have continued not looking at myself, had it not been for the grace of God. I could have continued being just as bad as the pharisee regarding judgment and I did not get out of this mindset by my own effort. I couldn’t have, since I wasn’t aware of how I was acting. In many other instances, I’m probably still just as “bad”, or “worse” than the pharisee.