Opening my heart and accepting everything

I can feel that a radical shift is happening within me. It’s been going on for quite some time now. But I still have a lot that I need to let go of. Because this is what it’s about: letting go. Letting go of wanting other people to change. Letting go of wanting reality to be something other than what it is. Letting go of vindictiveness, resentment, judgment, victim mentality and in general all of my lower emotions. 

I’ve realized just how much I’ve weighed myself down with all of the mental and emotional junk that I’m carrying around. 

So, what is at the core of the inability to let go? It’s attachment. Attachment to the need for things to be a certain way. Attachment to certain outcomes. I fall back into this attachment over and over again. I know that shouting at the world will not help one bit. And yet I’m there, over and over again. But I feel that I’m letting go more and more. I think that the best way of going about this, is to, as much as possible, accept where I am and not judge what I have not yet been able to let go of. Accept and bring as much awareness into it as possible. Because when I resist my issues they persist. When I feel the most connected with God, I only get the feeling that everything is okay. That I am where I’m supposed to be. 

This does not mean that my choices don’t matter. And definitely not that I shouldn't take action when it's appropriate. It's more or less the opposite. It's about taking exactly the choices and actions that I deem appropriate, regardless of the results that they may or may not lead to.

Einstein and the beggar

Einstein was no more valuable than any simple beggar. We are all eternal souls, equal in the eyes of God. It’s just our egos and their erroneous judgments that say differently. In the end, we hurt ourselves the most by believing these falsities, since they ALL contribute to making us blind to the truth of what actually is. That we are all one, all beloved children of God and that we are all equally loved by God. Separation hurts all. But the one it hurts the most, is the one that keeps it up by judging.

Smile

    Ramana Maharshi                                                    Ram Dass

I’ve noticed that many spiritual teachers have this peculiar way of smiling. It’s a smile that not just shows, but radiates peace, joy, contentment, liberation and a love for life. I’m talking of for example Ramana Maharshi and Ram Dass.

You may scoff at these people, saying that all they have accomplished, is to turn a blind eye to the harshness, coldness and meaninglessness of reality. 

I believe that the truth is just the opposite. That these people have seen through the suffering that, on the surface, seems to be an inevitable part of the human condition, if not today, then tomorrow. I believe that the key here, is to see that there is a difference between pain and suffering.

Ram Dass spent the last twenty years of his life with the right side of his body paralyzed and his speech impaired after a stroke. And yet, he seemed happier than ever. Because the life that he had lived prior to the stroke, had taught him to separate the actual situation from his reaction/response to it. To him, the stroke was just another reason not to identify with the body and mind. 

I usually don’t smile the way that these people smiled. If I became partially paralyzed, I would probably be devastated. Because I am not able to see life with nearly as much clarity as Maharshi or Ram Dass. But I’ve had my moments when I’ve felt this same smile in my face. This would, without exception, be the short moments when I’ve felt really close to God. At these moments, I’ve enjoyed every breath with gratitude for just being alive. I’ve felt unconditional love for everyone that I’ve interacted with and for humanity and the whole of creation. 

At these moments, I’ve felt first that I would always stay in that same state. Because it would be insane to want to go back to where I was before. Then I’ve started to fear losing what I’ve found. Then the grasping and holding on have followed. And inevitably, I’ve found myself back in my “normal” reality with its petty worries, concerns and annoyances. 

But just knowing that there is another state available, one that is independent of my every-day experiences, infinitely more real than the physical reality, takes the edge off of my pain. It seems a little less real every day. Even if I still get caught up in my negative emotions frequently, there is more distance to them. When the storms come, there is a part of me that just observes them. They become less and less intense. They last shorter and shorter periods. Over time, I become less and less attached to my external circumstances. I smile in joy, peace and gratitude for the wonderful gift that life is a little more often.

Are we just smart animals?

I’ve pondered the significance of the teachings of Jesus a bit lately. I think that most would recognize that Jesus has had a huge impact on mainly the Western civilization. But it is an impact that has stretched far beyond it. But how huge this impact really was and still is, took some reading to realize.

One thing that struck me just now, is that Jesus’ radical love message in a sense calls us to leave our animal nature behind. The animal world is governed by survival of the fittest, dominance, ruthlessness and gratification of urges. In short: it is governed by instincts. The majority culture of the society that Jesus lived and taught in was governed by such values.

I think that most could also agree, that if everyone at least attempted to live as Jesus taught, no matter how faulty they were in this pursuit, the world would probably be a paradise. Even if all of us were miserable creatures, with extremely low self-control, we could still create paradise on earth, if everyone made a sincere effort to follow Jesus.

So, what Jesus taught was something that run contrary to our nature, but that has the potential of creating a world that we actually want to live in. Something that actually struck a chord with so many people, that he shaped our civilization more than any other historical figure. In spite of it going against our animal nature.

I think that is worth thinking about.

It seems to me, that if we follow our animal nature, we do what comes natural. But we end up creating chaos for ourselves and others on a personal level. And the more people that act like animals, the worse our societies become.

I think that this also is worth thinking about.

A breaking point

I’ve touched upon the experience that I’m about to describe many times before. But then it has scared me. It felt as if I was going to dissolve. Or that something else was going to happen. But this time, I decided to let go of the fear, trust and embrace.

What I felt was the unity that I share with God and all of his creation. All is one and all is love. And yet, this is not a oneness that threatens our individuality. It is impossible to adequately put this into words, but I am going to try. It was as if everything fell into place in this one single moment. As if the whole world had led me to this somehow. That every little detail of the event was planned beforehand. The love and unity that I experienced was beyond thoughts and identity. Beyond the body. Without beginning or end. And yet, I was very much still in my body. I was very much me. Just so much more. It was an experience of so much love, that I just couldn’t take it. I wanted so badly to stay in that love. But I couldn't. It was over in a matter of seconds and then I was back to normal.

In other words, I’ve reached a breaking point on my journey. I’ve written a couple of blog posts that have a bit of fear in them. I won’t delete them, because my blogging has in many ways been a way for me to document my journey. And it’s not as if these posts are untrue. They are just written from a limited perspective.

But truly, I know now that there is nothing to fear. All will be well. God is love and God loves us infinitely and forever. God will never truly force anything upon us, even though from our finite perspectives, we cannot see how this can be so. But when we spend eternity with God and those that we love, not limited by what is currently holding us back in this finite existence, we will know that it is so. All will be well. Now that I’m starting to come out of my darkness for real, I know this. All will be well. This is what I am here to do. To tell as many as possible that all will be well. 

All will be well

Lately I’ve been experiencing strange and wonderful things. I have touched upon the oneness and unity that I share with God and all of his creation. Afterwards, the same words that were revealed to the mystic Julian of Norwich kept echoing in my mind: “All will be well.” I shiver in delight just thinking of these words. All will be well.

Here is what I know when I don’t let my own, personal fears distort my experience: There is nothing to fear. We are all beloved children of God. Even those that do terrible things. Our only purpose is to love, be loved and express love. All will be well.

Inner peace is always possible here and now. We can always walk with God in peace, by bringing presence and awareness to our experience in this moment and allow God to permeate it, and by letting go of everything within ourselves that is based on fear. It is really as simple as a choice between love and fear. The difficulty lies not in the choice itself, but in seeing through all of the insanity that the world has taught us is normal.

If we observe our speech and behaviors carefully, we can see that they all stem from either love or fear. We already walk with God in every precious moment. Most of us without knowing it. It’s possible to feel God’s presence and turn life into an intimate communication with him. It is just a matter of what we pay attention to. The scary things that go on on the outside, or his loving embrace on the inside. If we choose to walk with God, we can create heaven on earth right here and now. We choose how dark it gets before the dawn. But the metaphorical dawn is coming, just as certainly as the one that comes every morning. All will be well. 

The Calling. Part 12

The world is slowly opening up again. So soon we will be back to normal, right? 

Now, I’m no economist. But if you have an already unstable world economy and you introduce a situation, where you shut down the whole of society so that one in five businesses have to declare bankruptcy as a direct consequence of it, take measures that deteriorate people’s mental health, thereby making them less productive and more prone to behavior that costs money for society, pay enormous sums of money to corporations that are going to “save” us and take all kinds of costly measures to handle the situation, make the biggest wealth transfer in history, from everyone else to the richest people on the planet, wouldn’t that have rather serious consequences? And shouldn't those that govern us know this, considering that they have access to all the best experts in all relevant fields? In light of this, do you really think that the actions of our leaders are simply due to fear and incompetence?

And an equally important question: When the consequences come, are you going to trust the people that made the decisions that created the mess, together with the only people that benefitted from the mess, to come up with the solution? 

As I’ve said in another post, I don’t know what I can say about this without being censored. But go to YouTube and search for “world” and “reset” if you want to know more about what I’m talking about. Russell Brand has made great videos about this.

This is not meant to spread fear. Everything is in God's hands and you are infinitely and eternally loved by God. But it's time to start thinking about who to put our faith and trust in. 

The Calling. Part 12

It feels weird to say this out loud. But this awakening stuff, whatever it is, is definitely happening. The biggest event in the planet’s history is about to happen and it’s not just some elite club that is part of it. What is happening inside of many people, including myself, right now, is so huge that it will alter the course of history. Unless those that want to stop it manages to do so. And then they will be the ones altering the course of history instead.

I don’t know if the outcome of this is already predetermined or if our choices ultimately matter in the grander scheme of things. Some believe that they have the answers to these questions. I don’t. But now that I do know that, whatever else may be true, these spiritual awakenings are definitely happening, I also understand that it’s something very extraordinary that I and many others have the privilege of experiencing. Something that, as I asid, will alter the course of history.

I want you to pause for a second to reflect on what this actually means. If you are like me, your ego is probably still partially denying that this is happening. It might not feel as real as the maybe not so real reality that you have grown up to regard as the only reality. But this is absolutely real. And if it’s real, and there are people in the world that want it to go in another direction, they would want to stop it.

So, if you’re not going through an awakening yourself, please just ponder the idea that this awakening is actually happening. Couldn’t what is happening in the world right now, where our rights are rapidly being taken away. Where those that have awakened are also the same people that see dangers with the solution to Voldemort (the one that cannot be named), refuse to take it and therefore systematically separated from the rest of society.

The Calling. Part 11

While, as I said in the last post, I believe Christianity holds the key to this reality, I don’t believe that it should exclude learning from other religions. I know for example that the Chakra system of Hinduism is real. I also know that the Buddha said something important, when he said that the root causes of suffering are attachment and aversion. God built these things into our experience of reality. 

There is in general a whole energy system inside, that we can access just by paying attention to it. How could this be wrong? What I’ve come to realize, is that if the Bible gives a clear no no to something, we should listen to it. But the idea that we should try to discern prohibitions that aren’t explicit in the Biblical texts I believe are erroneous. If it, for one reason or another, is important that we don’t do something, I think this will be very explicit in the Bible and if we look at its effect on our lives, it should be pretty clear why as well.

The Calling. Part 10

So, why Christianity and not other religions? I think that the answer is to be found in the person Jesus. His life and example. I believe that he provided a blueprint for how to live in this world. 

At the same time, I’m starting to suspect that there is truth to the statement that we live in multiple dimensions simultaneously. And in other dimensions we might interact with reality in a different way, even if everything is connected. But the best way of interacting with this dimension was exemplified by Jesus.

The Calling. Part 9

It is as if a puzzle is being laid now. That is the best way of explaining it. Many different people get their piece of the truth. Maybe some people get the same piece and maybe all of those people are not going to reach the public with what they are finding out. I don’t know. Maybe, for one reason or another, the pieces of truth are not coming through without interference. Maybe they are distorted somehow. I don’t know.

The Calling. Part 8

WARNING: This is my intellect trying to understand something that it probably cannot understand.

Let’s look at the situation in the world without using any trigger words that may overstep the boundaries of what the new form of free speech that has grown out of our situation ;) allows. And I’m going to start by playing the devil’s advocate for a bit. It’s possible that the situation is more dangerous than we are lead to believe. That would explain the extreme measures that are being taken. But I don’t think that this is very likely, since anything that induces more fear would make people more prone to go for the proposed solution. But if there is some foul-play at work, why doesn’t the propaganda machine say that it’s worse than it is? I’ve thought about this for a while and there seems to be a logical reason. Namely that if the lies were too obvious, someone that knew what he or she was talking about would react to it. And if that happened, the rest might come down as well.

The Calling. Part 7

I know about all the crazy religious talk out there. And I’m seriously not interested in joining the choir that sings about satanic armies of transgender super soldiers. The truth is that I know very little. I only wish to speak of things that I can’t deny and not allow my mind to fly into a bunch of paranoid speculations.

At the same time, I do see that there must be an agenda behind what is happening with all the craziness in the world. In one way or another, the situation in the world is not the way we are told.

The Calling. Part 6

I’m still in a ton of doubt about this myself. But when I look at my own, rather extreme experiences, and what is going on in the world, it seems to ad up. I constantly ask myself if me and my wife are going crazy. If we’ve been caught up by some romantic idea of a post-apocalypse life or the need for feeling special. Or the ego-boost of having access to information or insights that most people don’t. Because both me and my wife are human. And as such, we share many human weaknesses that other people carry. But I know what I’ve experienced. And I’m seeing more and more people that are saying that things are not what they seem with the things that are happening right now. And in a little over a week, I’ve heard four people, independent of each other, talking about the end times and The Book of Revelations. And it’s not because I hang around with people that do nothing but talk about the Bible the whole day. I don’t know any such people. I suspect that I probably should though.

The Calling. Part 5.

I’ve been stalling long enough. So, here we go:

What came to me, was that we are really living in the end times. End time prophecies are being fulfilled right this moment. The prophecies of The Book of Revelation are coming true right now, in our time. 

What might seem paradoxical in this context, is that what also has come to me several times, is that all is well. We’re not here to be judged, but to be healed. Some healing might be painful though, as some of our wounds are severely infected. But we’re all in the end returning to our relationship with God, the way God intends for it to be.

The Calling. Part 4

I’m one of those people going through a spiritual awakening. There are really crazy things happening inside me and with my perception of reality. And I seem to get messages from God in different ways. Crazy, right? If I didn’t have my wife and other people around me to confirm that this is actually happening, plus the testimony from various other people that I have never met, I would be the first one to call the psychiatric clinic and have me committed.

The Calling. Part 3.

On the other hand - look at the world. Does everything seem right to you? Does it seem as if you are getting the whole story? Does the measures taken to stop Voldemort (the one that cannot be named), with the coercion, constraints, censorship and so on seem proportional to what we know about the situation? And isn’t it strange that this happens just when many people are starting to report that they are going through spiritual awakenings that turn their whole lives upside down? Awakenings that make us see ourselves completely differently, and see glimpses of the power within us that we can access when we connect with God on the inside?

The Calling. Part 2.

I am truly afraid of talking about this. Because I know how crazy it sounds and that most people that talk about this are labelled as religious nuts. And I believe that I’m for the most part a fairly open minded person, with an above average capacity for critical thinking and introspection. And I do have my doubts about this, I must confess. But as time goes, I seem to get more and more signs that I’m supposed to write what I’m about to write. So, I might be caught up in strange fantasies. I might even be going crazy. Then again, if it is so, then a lot of other people are going crazy right now as well.

The Calling. Part 1.

I had a strange experience on Saturday the 4^th in December 2021. I was laying in bed next to my wife when my thoughts wandered to all the non-Christians that are talking about their spiritual awakenings, when it struck me that we don’t have to be Christians to be called to Jesus. That all those that go through this are being called directly by God. Most of them just don’t understand this yet (This will probably anger both Christians and New Agers ;)).

As these thoughts entered my mind, I experienced something that I best can describe as fear of God and being shaken to the core of my soul. It was a very physical feeling, as if a storm went through my whole body. I also experienced several conflicting emotions at once and I’m going to try to give an account of them that is as accurate and honest as possible, while knowing that words cannot convey what it was even close to full extent. I might even be labelling the emotions wrongly, because I only have access to my erroneous memory. But the emotions, as far as I can remember them, were deep joy and grief at the same time, with tears flowing from both. It was a feeling of being utterly terrified and safe and held at the same time. I felt that I was completely at the mercy of God. A god that could end my life and do anything he pleased with me. And yet, I knew that this god loved me more than I could ever imagine.

All of this lasted for less than a minute, but it shook me to my core. Afterwards I was in shock and awe and insights that I cannot deny, at the same time as I don’t fully dare to believe them, came over me.

Letting go and choosing love

We are not our thoughts. Our thoughts are not reality. Our thoughts are not right. 

But what does this really mean? Well, basically that we can step back and choose what makes us most happy and what we care about. We don’t need to be attached to anything in the world. We can choose to be attached if we want to. And I’m not sure that it’s always a bad thing, as long as we remember that we can let go of the attachment any time that we want to. Maybe most of the meanings that we give to things are just illusory. Maybe we are just love and have the possibility of always choose love. Love for ourselves and for each other. What would it mean to always choose love, unconditionally, for ourselves and each other? Can we really imagine such a thing? If we tried, what actions would we take? How would we treat others? What would we say? Both when it comes to how we talk to others, and how we talk to ourselves. Because we do talk to ourselves. What would it really feel like to always choose love? What would we, to the best of our ability, think of other people? Of ourselves? What would our lives look like?

In short, what would it mean if we let go of all the thoughts that doesn’t serve love? If we did our best to not believe in them. What would it mean to take the question of always choosing love seriously?