My spiritual awakening part 7

Back to my time at the university. After having tried a few different courses, I decided to major in Religious Studies. I had realized that if all of this spiritual stuff was real, which I absolutely believed, then I wanted to dedicate as much time and energy as possible to it, so if I could dedicate my education to it, this was what I was going to do.

In my spiritual search I had started to become drawn to the the occult (the type that wants to be a force for good), so I decided to specialize in Western Esotericism. For quite a while, I even wanted to become a professor. But towards the end I got disillusioned with the whole academia, plus that a few things happened that made me just want to get away from everything. So instead I sold my apartment and moved to a village called Fåglavik, outside of Herrljunga.  

This was where I went through what you could call a second awakening. I moved in next door to the woman that is now my wife. We met by the mailboxes two weeks after I moved in. I was picking up my mail and she came home from the grocery store. I introduced myself and we ended up talking for, as I recall it, about half an hour. It was a pretty long time anyway. She told me that she had a partner that she was living with and I remember thinking: too bad. She was cute. 

I also picked up on when she told me that she liked the energies in Fåglavik. This made me wonder if she had an interest in spirituality or if it was just a figure of speech. 

Little did I know that this meeting would be the beginning of my real spiritual awakening, or that I through meeting Jessica, would learn just how much other people affect how you evolve as a person.

So much happens on a subconscious level

Maybe you can’t switch from subconscious to instead speak of unconscious. Because the way I understand subconscious, is that it is beneath our direct consciousness, but how deep varies greatly. Some things we can sort of almost know, even if we choose to not listen to our minds when they try to tell us about them. A reason for this can often be found among those that distort how we evaluate the motives behind our behaviors. For example that our true motives are too big of a threat to our self-image. 

Pawns in a game?

This blog is to a large degree about asking questions. The question here is: Are we pawns in a game of demonic entities? I listened to a lecture yesterday together with a group of awakened people. The lecturer told me that we are pawns in a game of demonic entities that basically bet money on how we are going to react to them influencing our lives. And today I stumbled upon this movie. What are the odds?

Different layers of reality and attention

Everything is the same energy. We just decode it on different levels. The higher levels are just as real that this physical level and can be perceived as such. We have just focused exclusively on the five sense, physical reality our whole lives, which is why we mainly or completely perceive it as real. The more we focus on other levels, the more we will perceive them. What you focus on grows. You can, for example, start focusing more on what goes on in the body. When you feel the energies that run through it constantly, focus more on them. You will see how they are connected to the the outer reality and how there is no sharp distinction between you and everything else. What you focus on grows.

The devil is in the details

Pay attention! We miss so much because our attention is elsewhere. Attention is the key to everything. But because we have our attention with us all of the time we take it for granted. We never consider what we can do with it. The world is full of wonders that we miss because we don’t expect them to happen. We don’t believe that they are possible and therefore our focus becomes so narrow that it’s almost non-existent, in comparison to what is possible.

All is one

I’m going to try and make sense of this in some way. I had an experience the other day where I was still in my body. And yet, I couldn’t tell where I began and ended. This has sort of lingered with me. When I meditate, my sense of boundaries fades pretty fast. Just if I close my eyes and stay focused, so that I don’t drift away into thoughts about the past or future, I feel this. The funny thing is that I’m not at all afraid of losing my identity, the way I was when I heard about this type of state. I’m still me. But I’m also one with everything else. 

My spiritual awakening part 6

When I first went from atheist/Laveyean satanist, to a believer in God, I was pretty alone with this. I started buying books on religion and spirituality. Any books on these themes really, since I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for. So I started ploughing through anything from purely academic books to books written by Eastern mystics.

I had been living in a very deep unconsciousness when I started to wake up. As I said in an earlier post, I was still partying pretty hard. And I was also largely hanging around with the same friends.

I also had tons of other patterns and other issues that stemmed from this unconsciousness. Actually, I believe that a part of my life’s journey, is to learn how to deal with all of the problems that one causes for oneself. 

One major thing that I did, that I didn’t realize quite recently, was that I pushed down my emotions to the point where I felt kind of shut off and probably acquired some kind of world record in bodily tensions, which in turn messed up my back. I think that this started when my mother, whom I was living with and was very close to, died when I was 13. This messed me up pretty bad. The adults around me at the time did the best they could from where they were, but they honestly didn’t handle the situation very good. Basically they wanted to change a lot of thing in my life, where I still to this day believe that it would have been better, if they would have as much as possible allowed me to continue living as I did with my mother.

A teenager cannot be expected to get a grip on things and start making conscious choices in the face of a tragedy. But honestly, I allowed it, together with the bullying that I also went through in my teens, to continue affecting me through my adult life. I turn 40 this year and I still haven’t let go of the pain. I know it’s a bit of a cliché, but I can feel it as a lump in my chest. Like a heavy, physical lump, pulling me downwards. 

I’ve noticed that a disproportionally large amount of people that are waking up, carry different kinds of traumas from the past. Often from their childhoods and teens. And even though it wasn’t our faults, it’s our responsibility to fix it. Fair or not, no one else is going to do it for us. And the ones that will suffer the most if we refuse are we.

Enlightenment is to truly see the ego for what it is, part 2

In the end, I’m alone with myself and God. I can fool others and I can use their perception of me to fool myself that I am something that I am not. But I still am what I am and God knows all of it. God sees everything with total clarity. This has to be understood deeply and not just with the intellect. It cannot just be thought up by the intellect. The understanding of it has to be worked into the core of our being.

Enlightenment is to truly see the ego for what it is, part 1

I’m not there. But I know that this is what enlightenment is. How could it be otherwise? As long as little me manages to sneak in its little needs for praise and approval, I don’t see clearly. As long as little me distorts my vision with its petty desires and wishes, I don’t see clearly. As long as I lie to myself about the inner workings of little me, I don’t see clearly. When we see the ego clearly, we can finally truly make room for God.

EVERYTHING is an interaction with God

EVERYTHING! How could it be otherwise? If God is omnipotent, omnipresent and eternal, how could it be otherwise? God speaks to us in every little minute detail of our lives. There are no coincidences.