The EGO's attack on humility and how it hurts our progress

It seems like I get a slap pretty fast these days, when I start thinking that I’ve risen above petty struggles. When I’m not being honest with myself and others about my shortcomings. And this is the thing: there is no point denying reality. I have dealt with some of my problems. I am no longer afraid of challenges. I’ve dealt with my addictions, except food addiction, and I’ve done it “only” with the help of God. I’ve started to live relatively healthy, which means that I work out, meditate daily, work actively to fix my physical problems and eat mainly healthy food, even if I still frequently overeat. 

Lately, because I’ve truly started to see some improvement in my own life, I’ve started to become more of a positive influence in other people’s lives, a part of me has started to want to project an image of infallibility. This is of course false and inauthentic. But as with so many other behaviors that we engage in, it has happened unconsciously, because I haven’t been vigilant towards myself. 

But the truth is that I still have a poor self-control when it comes to quite a few things. I still get angry and frustrated when too many “bad” things happen at once. I still have financial issues, I have my dark thoughts, judgments, hangups and difficulties in social interactions. Just to name a few things. 

What I am thus beginning to notice, is that every time I start projecting this image of perfection, life smacks me in the face pretty hard. I get hit with one problem after the other. If I handle the first with dignity, another one comes along and so on, until I break down and curse my wretched life and existence itself.

There are of course other harsh lessons baked into these lessons. Usually it has to do with money or lack of self-control. But the overall theme is my unwillingness to be vulnerable and to be perceived as flawed.

A funny thing is that when I’ve opened up more about my issues, other people have reacted with nothing but positivity. In at least one case, the person that I have spoken to has even expressed gratitude over the fact that I’m willing to share the struggles that I’m still facing, even though I have my life much more in order now than just a few years ago. Just because I’m human doesn’t mean that I cannot offer important insights to others. It’s probably the opposite. Humans are messy and complicated. If someone seems to have things figured out, we probably don’t know the whole person. And if we are truly going to help someone else, we need connection. Otherwise we are just egos talking to egos. Again, we are not here to be perfect. We are here to be human. And the need to project an image of perfection does not make us more likable. It makes us less so.