What is "self-talk"? Part 3

In relation to a certain situation recently, I caught myself saying to myself that I was basically a selfish, immoral idiot, with a behavior that was utterly transparent to anyone but myself. But then I realized that I knew nothing of what other people saw in my behavior, that if I wasn’t transparent to myself, it’s not certain that I am to other, that I didn’t take the issue at hand lightly and that I, admittedly hesitating, had actually chosen something good. 

If you look carefully at the former paragraph, you will see that not only are there two completely different perspectives in it. But they are also equally true, apart from the part of what others perceive and think. And what others perceive and think I can know nothing about unless I ask them. But if I stick with only the first perspective, while ignoring the second, it is very likely that it will make me like myself less. 

What is "self-talk"? Part 2

I believe all people are more or less conscious of their self-talk all of their lives. But it was not until I got the aha-moment that lead to this blog post, that I started thinking of what it actually is, and how to separate it from the other thoughts that go on inside my head. 

Basically, the thoughts that place a value judgment on what I do and who I am can be labelled “self-talk”. At its most basic form, self-talk is about judging what I do, say and who I am as good or bad. It entails whether I show compassion or condemnation when I make mistakes. And whether I let successes boost my authentic confidence or whether I let them blow up my ego. 

What is "self-talk"? Part 1

This is a post about that little monologue that goes on constantly in our heads and how there are different aspect of it. One of these aspects is the way we talk to ourselves.

I’ve been familiar with the term “self-talk” for quite some time. I can’t really remember if I first heard it two or twenty years ago though. As with so many other terms, it does mean something that is worth reflecting on, because it can enrich our lives. But until now, I haven’t done so.

Will this benefit me? Part 3

This can also be applied to other areas of my life. Wanting to get things done, I keep bashing my head against the wall, even if I’m worn out. This leads to me doing things ineffective and sooner or later I crash. What if I instead of doing this, simply rest when I need to rest and take care of the stuff that I need to do when I’m well rested and can do them effectively?

Will this benefit me? Part 2

I think that some clarification is in order. What I don’t mean by this, is that I should just force myself to comply with a rigid life where I only do things that are good for me. Anyone can come up with such a plan, but few will be able to follow it. What I’m talking about is to arrange my life consciously, so that I have a plan that works and that I want to follow. 

Will this benefit me? Part 1

Here comes three little posts about how to make life easier. 

I’m a big movie fan. But besides watching movies because I like them, I also use them to relax. But now and then, quite frequently actually, things end up taking more time than I’ve planned. But when the evening comes, I’m dead set on watching the movie that I’ve planned seeing, even if I know that I need to go to bed, because I have to get up early the next day. So I watch the movie anyway, sleep too little and end up causing more stress, instead of relieving stress, which is one of the primary purposes of watching the movie. So, what if I, instead of doing this, save the movie for later? It could even be a nice, unplanned treat that I give to myself some other day, instead of doing some boring chore that I’ve scheduled, as long as it’s a chore that I can postpone.

When God answers and we keep on asking

A while back I asked God about a private matter. I received a pretty clear answer and yet I kept on asking. I honestly didn’t consciously forget about the answer. But since I wasn’t pleased with it, I was probably not that keen on remembering either. 

Now I’m going to do my best to remember God’s answer and live by it till God gives me a reason to do otherwise. Unless I forget the answer again.

I tend to lose the original question when I talk sometimes

I guess this happens from time to time for everyone and that next to no one is unaware of it. But I think that it deserves some conscious thought. I think that this goes for all things that everyone does in communication for that by the way. And the thing is, that the last time it happened, I sort of went into a lecture about things that I knew and my thoughts about it, rather than what the people I was speaking to actually wanted to know. Luckily, it was a pretty interesting subject that I happen to know a few things about. So I don’t think that I bored them or anything. But still…

Wanting to be someone in the eyes of others

I’ve been a very confused person throughout my life. I think most people are pretty confused. I’m still pretty confused when it comes to many things. But I’m starting to see through at least some of my confusion.

So here comes a funny example of my past confusion. I used to care about no one except myself. I was proud of this. And at the same time, I didn’t care who I was either. I only cared who I was in the eyes of others. This was, on the other hand, not something that I was particularly proud of. In fact, I was so not proud of it, that I didn’t even admit it to myself. As a matter of fact, I often stated that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, because it mattered a great deal to me that everyone knew that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. 

The truth is that I wanted to create an image of myself in the eyes of others. I often caught myself fantasizing about what other people thought of me. I still do sometimes. But not as often and I usually become aware of those thoughts nowadays, name them and banish them (could demons be metaphors for unwanted thoughts? They sure seem to work in very similar ways).

I think that this way of functioning points towards low self-esteem. Another thing that I didn’t give much thought until later in life, only to, when I finally started looking at it, discover that I had almost none of. In fact, it’s first now, that I’m nearing 40, that I’m starting to feel capable. That I can somewhat rely on myself and my abilities. I did however make some moves towards not feeling completely worthless when I got my drivers licence at 23, and when I started working out and went to the university at 26. 

But I’ve still, to a large degree, been more pre-occupied with who others think that I am, than with who I actually am. When I became aware of it, I knew it had to stop. But my twisted reasoning, which I think is quite common, went something like this: If I can just convince others that I am a certain way, I become this.

What I’ve come to realize, is that there is great freedom in not caring what other people think. But it’s a freedom that is not easily acquired. I’m still not free from it. But I’m more free than I was when I claimed that I didn’t care at all. And today I attach much more significance to how I view myself and who I actually am, than I did back then, when my main goal was to impress others.

Taking steps in the right direction

I just realized that there are these little steps, that are not that difficult to take, that we can take every day, that are so small, that I fail to recognize them as steps. When I try to do everything at once, I inevitably fail, because the burden becomes to heavy. In many areas, I’ve been standing still for many years, trying to bang my head against the wall, punishing myself into “better” behavior and beating myself up because I’m not able to live up to my own standards. 

What I could have done instead, is take micro steps in my day to day life. If I would have done so, my growth would have probably involved much less pain, and I would in all likelihood have gotten much further, since I wouldn’t have had constant failures to deal with.

If I can choose sweets with less sugar and more nutrition, that’s a step in the right direction. If I can eat popcorn, or even just snacks with a little more protein in them, instead of potato chips, it’s a step in the right direction. If I can watch a movie that will give me a new perspective, or even just one that makes me happy, instead of just offering mindless entertainment, it’s a step in the right direction. 

I think that I’m going to give the concept of “baby-steps” a serious go!