A friend asked himself this question a while back, regarding to changes that he is trying to make in his life. Then he discussed the issue with me. I do believe that I tried to answer to the best of my ability. But the question made me think.
The first answer I can think of is a question: Can’t it be both? We might have a genuine wish to change. But in this wish to change, there might also be a part of us that seeks approval from others. Our wish to change and our need for validation are really two separate issues that intersect. The best thing would be if this wish came purely from ourselves, because the more independent we are from the opinions of others, the stronger we become. But the need for other people’s approval is something that most of us have to varying degree.
The simple question that I believe is the appropriate one is: Do I truly want this change? If the answer is “yes”, go for it! Do everything in your power to make it happen. And don’t worry if you also do it to seek approval from others. Treat them as separate issues. Maybe the change that you seek to make right now is a more pressing matter? Maybe the need for approval is something that is better to work with over a longer period instead?
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