One of the things that I discovered when I started looking at myself, was that I kept people at a distance. Furthermore that I pushed people away. This was not something that I did consciously. It just happened and I don’t know exactly why, even though it obviously had to do with traumatic experiences during my teenage years. And by putting up this wall around me, I got further and further away from myself as well.
Everyone’s wall doesn’t look the same. Mine was one of toughness, intellectualism and rebelliousness. Someone else’s might be of, for example, beauty, success and a glamorous social life.
What I’ve realized is that when we are too occupied with our surfaces we become superficial. The more we polish our facades, the more we identify with these facades. And the less we look at our real selves. And consequently, the more we try to hide our shadows, the more we also hide them from ourselves. But they are still there.
I want to live in a world where we are not afraid of each other. Where we can be vulnerable and share shameful secrets without fear of judgment. And if I want this change, I have to be part of that change. I have to dare to be vulnerable. I have to stop fearing judgment and I have to become aware when my impulse to judge kicks in, so that I can choose not to engage with it.
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