Just because I found meaning didn’t mean that my old patterns were gone of course. And among other things, I had developed the habit of lying to myself and others. Even though I wanted to be a force for good in the world, I was excellent at making myself believe my justifications for bad, destructive behaviour. But even then, I started to remove the worst stuff from my life.
I went back and forth for a bit, basically between living quite clean and partying quite hard. I tried some yoga and picked up a meditation practice. I don’t remember the exact times for everything. But somewhere around 26 I stopped smoking, started working out and went to the university.
It’s interesting to look back at these things now. To see where I’ve made major decisions that have affected my life in a positive manner. And you can say what you want about the university (you learn a lot of nonsense there), but my time there taught me how to think in a different manner, to understand texts better and to sharpen my speech. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to get into the debt that I am in to get these skills. But I had fun and it changed me quite a lot in a positive way. It was an experience that both boosted my confidence and humbled me. It boosted my confidence to see that I did quite well in an academic setting and humbled me because I was constantly around loads of people that were smarter than me. And again it boosted my confidence, because I got to see how these same smart people could come to really stupid conclusions, when these conclusions were too shaped by their opinions.
A little further down the road, I realized that my own opinions often skewed my perceptions of the world. It’s always easier to see these things in others than in oneself.
An important lesson here, is that accurate thinking is very dependent on one’s ability to free oneself from one’s subjective opinions and views of the world.
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