Being introduced to ourselves and our egos

One of the most important insights on a spiritual journey, is that we have an ego. To begin understanding what the ego is. That this ego is something absolutely real and paradoxically an illusion at the same time. And that this ego is not our real selves. But also that we have a real self, which is the self that God intended for us to be.

One of the fundamental characteristics of this ego, is its lack of free will. Things happen in the world and the ego reacts to them, while deluding itself that it is making free choices. 

Lately both me and my wife have gone through rather rude awakenings. We’ve both become aware of behaviors that we were unable to see in ourselves, even though they were quite clearly visible. We discovered them in our interactions with each other. But we had to discover them for ourselves. When any one of us pointed things out to the other, it only resulted in defensiveness. Keep this in mind as you read on. Because just as this is true in relationships, it’s also true in other areas of life.

In some ways it was a bit easier for me to see these things, but not because of any flattering reasons. It has something to do with the quote from Jesus that he came not to “call the righteous, but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:32). While my wife has, for the most part, been a kind and well-ordered person, I’ve engaged in actions, words and thoughts that have been blatantly abhorrent. 

The point is that when we don’t stray too far from what is considered socially acceptable behavior, it’s harder to see our errors. Both because we constantly check our behavior against cultural norms and because we receive feedback from the people around us. 

This, by the way, ought to be a cause of concern, when cultural norms start to drift towards full acceptance and even celebration, of destructive behaviors. But we must never make the mistake of pointing fingers towards particular individuals or groups. If anything, we need to criticize our culture and the effects that our cultural values have on people. We always need to do it from a place where we first and foremost look at ourselves and what we are doing to contribute to the current situation. And whether our criticism comes from a genuine place, or from the ego, is not a simple matter.

When observing my and other people’s egos in action, I’ve noticed that it often adopts one of two ways of operating in the world. Either it wants to be totally free to follow whatever whim that currently holds it in its grasp. Thus it becomes a slave to desires and instincts. Which makes it a slave to the world.

Or it adopts a rigid belief system and navigates through the world using this system. Thus it escapes the tyranny of our animalness, but instead becomes a slave to a particular way of thinking and perceiving. 

And the thing is that both of these ways of functioning usually results in us pointing fingers towards others, rather than looking at ourselves. Because our belief systems give us a sense of moral superiority. This often, in turn, leads to a confused mess of wanting others to respect our freedom of expression, while at the same time conforming to our standards of what our egos have deemed as “right”.

To wrap this up, I want to go back to the core of the message of this blog post. Namely that we are usually blind to our own behavior and that we seldom make truly conscious choices. This is so crucial if we wish to understand our condition. We may, on the surface, be good, upstanding people. We may be well-adjusted and get along fairly well with other people. But it doesn’t mean that we are free. There may be all kinds of selfish, or even destructive, motives hiding behind our words and actions. We may be playing out pre-determined scripts , that make us just react to our experiences. 

Why did Jesus say: “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them” (Matthew 5:17)? Because what Jesus did abolish, was blind obedience. Blind obedience that was necessary while humanity was in its infancy. But and obedience that would gradually be replaced by a life lived from a changed inside. A changed inside that transcends words and commands, but which still can be checked against one’s willingness and ability to do what is right. And if we want this inner transformation to take place, we need to take our focus from what other people are doing. Instead we need to shine the light on ourselves. 

This is at the core of what Jesus taught and there is no other way out of our problems. We can kick, scream, protest and feel offended and mistreated. We have the right to do this. And there are for sure things that we need to refuse to cooperate with if we want to avoid tyranny. But when we try to force our wills on the world and other people, rather than looking at ourselves, we only dig ourselves deeper into a hole. This is how it is whether we like it or not. And facts don’t care about feelings or opinions. 

What is the alternative? If we just make everyone think and act a certain way everything will be fine? How has that approach worked so far?

The more I let go, the better my life seems to work

Life is full of distractions. Have you noticed that? The world is full of things that occupy our minds. Things that we attach importance to. And the more we hold on to those things, the more messy things get. I feel that I’ve gone through some sort of shift with this lately. But be that as it may, tomorrow I may very well be caught up in all of the little petty problems of life again. 

And that is what they are. Petty problems. Petty concerns. Petty needs. Petty wants. This is what we all so easily get caught up in. Things have to be a certain way for us to be happy. And we worry about a tomorrow that we know nothing about. 

What should I eat? What should I drink? Will I be able to pay my bills? Will I be able to put food on the table? 

And these are real concerns for many people. From a global perspective, it’s real concerns for most people. But is it for me? Is it for you? Would it really have to be for anyone, if each and every one of us took responsibility for getting our priorities straightened out? I'm obviously not talking about being perfect at this. Just about bringing some consciousness into such matters.

This is the world that we are creating together. And uneven distribution seems to be built into the way that life itself functions. Because more or less everywhere, both in the human and animal world, resources seem to be unevenly distributed. And there seems to be no political solutions to this. The only difference between left and right seems to be how the inequality arises. In liberal, capitalist systems we get an uneven distribution through the market. In socialist systems the political class, and/or those that have so much money that they can pay their way out of any regulations, get the biggest share.

And we often seem to make things worse with loads of mindless doing. Mindless doing that is intended to solve our problems. But that instead push things in the opposite direction from what we say that we want.

Why am I talking about this? Because there is a place where we haven’t looked for solutions yet. At least not on a larger scale. This might also be the place that truly separates us from the rest of the creation.

This place is within. What good could that possibly do? Well, we’ve tried everything else and the world is still in chaos. More so than ever. At least during the past few years. Even though, materially speaking, life is better than ever. 

There seems to be a false and a true personality inside of us. The false one is more or less what is usually referred to as the ego. This false personality is governed by instincts. And it has all these requirements that it needs to have fulfilled in order for life to be good. Those requirements are not something that we have chosen consciously. We have just more or less randomly reacted to the external world. 

Maybe if we take a step back and start to figure ourselves out a bit, instead of running around frantically trying to solve everything that we perceive as wrong, we might actually be able to do something good. If we start separating what is false from what is true inside ourselves. Because maybe there is some truth to the statement: “As within, so without”. 

And to make it clear, we are part of something so much grander that our little thoughts cannot begin to comprehend it. And yet we are so caught up with our thinking. I don’t know exactly what is happening in the world. Only that it’s big. Really big. 

And even if I did find all of the answers that I’m seeking, I’m more or less certain that I could not describe it in words. I know that life and the world are so much more than we can comprehend with the five senses. I know that whatever it is, we are going through some sort of shift on the planet right now. I also know that it has something to do with the Bible and Biblical prophecies. But I also know that I and everyone else only have begun to scratch the surface of things. 

Something that I’ve learned through experience, is that we are all connected through some sort of energy field that runs through us all. And the more I say yes to my experience and stop resisting what is happening in the present moment, the more I can feel it. In other words, the more I let go, the better things get. The more I stop demanding that the world gives me what I want, the more blessing I receive freely. 

So maybe it’s time to stop worrying and start trusting. I’m saying this as much to myself as to everyone else. If we truly believe in God, that God is who he says he is and that everything is in God’s hands, maybe we also need to adopt an attitude that matches this belief. This goes for both our personal issues, as well as the global problems that we are facing today. Maybe if we start looking within and just stop doing the things that we know we should stop doing, this will be enough. Maybe solutions to what seems to be out of our control will present themselves effortlessly. Without the need for a tyranny and forced compliance. 

Maybe what we need is not more force, but more letting go. More focus on the essential, while we ignore what is unimportant or out of our control. And I don’t know about you, but when I look at my days I find so much junk that occupies my awareness. Where would I be today, if I had determined to not allow these things to distract me? Where would you be? Where can we be in a year, if we decide this right now? In ten years?

Being both okay and not okay at the same time

I’ve been thinking about this idea that we have to learn to love ourselves lately. And I want to make some sense of it. Because in one sense we need to be friends with ourselves. We need to face where we are with as much acceptance as possible. If we just keep castigating ourselves over past mistakes the commentator inside our heads will become an enemy and a tyrant. And we don’t need more of those.

But it’s not good to ignore our flaws either. We in all likelihood need to be a bit harsh with ourselves. Because we have in all likelihood become too comfortable. The modern world does that to most of us. Unless we make conscious choices to not allow it. And the situation in the world today demands that we are everything that we can be. 

I believe that the love that we have for ourselves is the only one that, rightly, cannot be unconditional. This may sound a bit harsh, but I think that it’s only logical. At least if we talk about self-love in the true sense, and not the kind of narcissistic self-love that is often promoted in society today. This is because even though we have an endless capacity for self-deception, we still have potential access to everything inside of us. Everything that motivates our actions. And somewhere we know, even if that knowing never reaches the surface of our consciousness. We know when we are lazy. We know when we avoid confronting our problems. We know when we are selfish. We know when we are trying to manipulate others and the world, so that we get what we want without having to work for it. We know when we are making excuses and rationalization. And we know damned well that we, eventually, are the ones that are going to have to pay for it.

Most of us are not victims of circumstances. For the vast majority of us, the situations that we are in are direct consequences of our choices and actions. And our choices and actions are consequences of how we have take care of our inner lives. And our inner lives are greatly affected by our experiences, even though we have quite a lot of room when it comes to how we respond to our experiences. And our experiences are to a large degree determined by our choices and actions and the situations that they put us in. And so it goes. Around and around. And the wheel either takes us up or down. But it will always keep spinning. Less so if we’re in a stabile situation and don’t feel the need for much change. But even then it spins slowly. Because time always makes it spin no matter what. And even then something may happen that changes its direction and/or causes it to spin faster.

Then we have the situation in the world. It is causing many wheels to spin faster. And will do so even more in the future. 

This doesn’t necessarily have to move us downhill. Because when we’re pushed into a corner we have a choice of either lay down and let whatever is pushing us into the corner eat us. Or we can use every ounce of muscle and intelligence that we’ve got to fight. Thus we either perish or become stronger.

Here is where I am right now. I know where my choices have gotten me. I know that a storm is coming, even if I don’t know exactly when or what it will look like.

I also know that God will love me all the way through the storm. That he will love me when I am unable to. And I know that whatever pain comes in my way, it’s nothing compared to eternity with God. But that is not something that I’m likely to remember when tragedy strikes. 

This is actually quite interesting when you think about it. On the one hand, we have God, that loves us unconditionally and whose love we can never earn. And on the other we have ourselves, whose love we must earn. Both are closer to us than any other person or creature. And in between, we have all kinds of relationships with all kinds of conditionality attached to them. God is closer to us than we are to ourselves. And knows us better than we know ourselves. The second closest person in our lives is ourselves. And this is the person that never can love us unconditionally. Not in a true, healthy sense.

So here is what I’ve figured. As with most things in life, we need to take a step back and bring some consciousness into our self-perception. Most of us are not all that we could be. And we have to be cautious when it comes to the impulse to earn salvation. I mean this both in a literal and metaphorical sense. Our self-worth should never be contingent upon our accomplishments and failures. But we must also never sweep our shortcomings under the rug. If we don’t like everything about ourselves there’s probably a reason for it. If this is the case, it’s healthy to remind ourselves that we are worthy just by being part of the crown of God’s creation. But we also need to take a look at the parts that we don’t like about ourselves. 

Two very important questions to ask ourselves in this context, is: Is it my own standards that I don’t live up to? Or is it other people’s, the world’s or God’s?

We need to be as honest about this as possible and realize that these are huge and deep questions. The answers are, for the most part, far from obvious. We need to think deeply about why the standards matter to us.

Ultimately it’s God’s standards that we need to aim for. In other words, our standards should, as far as possible, be the same as God’s. But these are impossible standards and we are not expected to live up to them.

If, on the other hand, our standards are the world’s or other people’s, we can be more or less certain that they will lead us astray. It’s always a good thing to listen to the perspectives of people that have something valuable to teach us. But we should always do this with God’s will and not theirs in mind. 

So, we need to cultivate a healthy, mature and honest relationship with ourselves. If this is something that we find worthwhile, there are two crucial questions that we need to ask ourselves: Are we doing our best to live up to God’s standards? Can we accept and forgive ourselves when we inevitably fail to do so?

Putting things into perspective and letting go of our baggage

Objectively speaking a new year doesn’t mean anything. The meaning of a new year only comes from the meaning we give it, individually and collectively. And yet, the power of a fresh start should not be underestimated.

When I started caring about my life and thus started the journey that I’m still on today I was at the bottom. I was a lazy, immoral emotional wreck that only looked out for number one. Today I still have a mess to clean up because of this. I still have a lot of bad habits and negative attitudes that I need to get rid of. And I have a financial situation that, while not being totally terrible, leaves much to be desired. 

You could say that my life was on auto-pilot, while I was living under the illusion of conscious choices. I think that this is part of the human condition that we are currently in. And even when we start understanding that this is how our lives work, much will still continue in the same manner. Because as soon as we stop truly being aware we fall asleep again. Then that pesky auto-pilot comes on. You just need to observe yourself a bit throughout the day to see that this is the way things work.

This has also, most definitely, been true for humanity as a collective, probably ever since we’ve been able to talk about “humanity as a collective” in any meaningful way. This does not work anymore. And let me say this: I don’t think that we are going to continue on this road for much longer. But if we do, global tyranny will be the result.

Since we’re a collective of individuals, it’s up to each and everyone of us to wake up, become conscious of ourselves and the world around us, and then take on as much responsibility as we can handle. What this means will differ depending on where we are in life. But more or less all of us fall short of what we could be.

So, how could I, a fairly intelligent person, be so blind to what was right in front of me? How could I, instead of looking at myself and my shortcomings, time and time again point out the faults of others?

The truth is that before finding God I didn’t care. Because I saw everything as pointless anyway. But even after I started caring, I kept on acting egoistic even though my intent was the opposite. I kept on making excuses for behaviors that I should have recognized as wrong. Why? 

I think that I hadn’t taken a serious look at myself. And at the same time, I managed to see myself as intellectually superior to others.

I hadn’t put my actions or attitudes under any real scrutiny. I lived in a confused fantasy world with a distorted reality perception. A few ingredients in this soup were: a mixture of wishful thinking, arrogance, pride, an inflated ego that stemmed from a low self-esteem, an unfounded sense of superiority and tons of other garbage. I was also not very good at putting myself in other people’s shoes. This last thing is, by the way, something that I’m still struggling with. And I’m hardly alone in this. A lack of empathy seems to be one of the many social diseases that plague our modern world. Especially when it comes to how our own words and actions affect other people.

What I’ve come to realize is that there are rights and wrongs. Very clearly so. And if we want to learn more about this, I believe that the best source is the New Testament of the Bible.

If we act in a way that seems beneficial to us, but is harmful to others and the world, somewhere it will also hurt us. It may give us wealth and pleasure, but it will inevitably destroy our character. For people with a conscience, it will inevitably also cause anxiety. And it certainly does not give us a sense of meaning. Furthermore, it also damages our relationship with other people and ultimately with God, no matter if we believe in him or not. 

These are all harms that can be hidden fairly well. Both from ourselves and others. But they are most certainly there.

I think that almost all of us have things in our lives that we need to change, even if we’re not overall dissatisfied with out lives. But if you’re dissatisfied with where your life is today, the best thing is probably not to be angry with yourself for allowing things to become that way. You didn’t ask for the world to be what it is. You didn’t know that what the world sold you was a junk pile of lies. “This is how it is”, the world said. “This is what’s important and these are the keys to a happy, fulfilled life.” The world took your survival instinct and turned it into a tool of destruction. And it usually takes some sort of crisis for us to become aware of it.

Maybe you didn’t know what you were doing when you created whatever mess you’re in. But it’s still up to you to clean it up. No one is going to do it for you and all of the anger and complaining in the world won’t change that fact. And life is not going to get any better just because you manage to convince someone that you’re not to blame for your situation.

In one sense, we need to accept that we are never going to be perfect. In this sense, we need to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion when it comes to our shortcomings. Because failure to live up to what we could be is a necessary component of life. Even for the greatest among us. And in the end, whatever we cannot do ourselves we need to lay in the hands of God.

That being said, we must never allow acceptance to turn into resignation. Especially not in these troubled times, with global tyranny being a real threat that looms in the horizon. No matter who and where we are, we need to be able to stand as strong as we are capable of.

When we think of what we want to let go of, I think that it’s worth engaging in some serious thought about who we want to become. Who we are in relation to who we say that that we want to be. And why we want to be who we say that we want to be. 

We probably don’t want to replace everything in our lives. Some have less baggage. Others have more. But no matter what, there is another truer self inside us that is waiting to be born. One that comes through in those sides of us that feel true. That don’t just seem created by our experiences, circumstances and automatic reactions to them. I know that you can feel this true version of yourself. The one that is buried underneath the various layers of falseness that have been created by being both in the world and of it.

I would propose that we need to rethink our ideal if the honest answer to why we want to be who we want to be, is that we want to be admired by others. I would also caution against making any type of “happy” into some sort of end goal.

Now, let me be the first one to admit that I’m not very good at following Jesus. There are still huge remnants inside of me, of the person I no longer wish to be. There are sides of me that are selfish, moody, judgmental and fearful. Just to name a few things.

Yet, I think that the best way of doing this self-inventory, is in light of the ideal of Jesus. Because, even though it’s in practice impossible to live up to such an ideal, why aim for anything less? Jesus knew that the only way to true freedom and happiness, was in the obedience to God and the service to others. This is of course not what the world tells us. But is the ways of the world making us feel free and happy?

A little New Years greeting

2022 has been a terrible year, for the world, for me personally and for my wife. But, for us, it has also been a year of much growth. I feel that it has been a year where many problems have been brought to the surface. In a way where we couldn’t ignore them any more. When this happens, you either give up or deal with them to the best of your ability. The first option has been tempting on many occasions. 

It’s been a rather even distribution of pains that I have caused myself, or we have caused together, and pains that have been beyond my/our control. 

Among the things that have happened, we’ve had a situation that I will not discuss here, we’ve lost a beloved cat, we’ve continued struggling financially and I’ve come face to face with a lot inside myself that I don’t like.

In this context it’s relevant to ask both if things really are beyond one’s control, and how much free will is involved in one’s bad decisions. This could be of particular interest now, as this is the time of the year when we start anew and make resolutions to better ourselves. 

On the one hand, we may feel that many things just happen to us, we are victims of circumstances and so on. But it’s rare that the situations have nothing whatsoever to do with poor decisions. Even if they might not be a direct consequence of them. If, for example, our car breaks down, it’s usually not something that we had no way of foreseeing. Maybe we bought a cheap, used car. Maybe we couldn’t afford a better car because we made poor financial decision in the past. Or we couldn’t afford to have that engine noise checked out, also because of poor financial decisions in the past.

Furthermore, if we have solid ground beneath our feet, we can usually handle what comes our way. But if we don’t, many problems turn into disasters. 

On the other hand, we wouldn’t make bad decisions if we knew that they were bad decision. At least not if we could help ourselves. Furthermore, how clearly we view our behavior and how much willpower we have to change, seems to be determined by factors beyond our control to a large degree. Something usually has to happen, that puts things into a new perspective. 

I could write several books about the problem of free will, so I will leave the discussion with this: I’ve gotten into the habit of observing myself quite a bit and I’ve done a fair bit of self-examination. And I still constantly catch myself lying to myself and act in ways that go against what I’ve intended. I’ve learned that the human capacity for self-deception is endless. This is where I’m at. But many people go through their whole lives without really making conscious choices. Where it’s obvious to anyone but themselves, that the reasons for their actions are entirely different from what they think. 

So, do you truly know why you do what you do? Do your actions have the consequences that you intend? Would you rather be right or have the best possible outcome? How much of your behavior is driven by ego?

As we enter the new year, I wish to be more conscious of the choices that I’m making and why I’m making them. I want to act less from the ego and more in alignment with God’s will. To let go of the lower parts of me while strengthening the higher.

My hopes for humanity are similar to what I personally aim for. I hope that more people start to wake up to the fact that God is the only authority that we need. That more people start taking responsibility for their actions, rather than looking to people in power (whether they are our elected rulers or those that are pulling their strings) for solutions and guidance. 

Handing over power to someone else has never worked before, so why should it now? The world is in crisis and things are not always as they appear. As a matter of fact, I would say that almost nothing is as it appears. But in all of this we still have God and each other. We don’t have to believe the same things or have the same opinions in order for us to come together and start building something better. The idea that we all have to agree to get along is dividing us, when we could face our challenges together.

There are people that want things to be this way. They want this so that we continue feeling powerless. Because if we feel powerless, we are likely to accept their solutions instead. We are likely to hand over our power to them instead. A power that really only belongs to God. 

In this state we are crippled. Instead of trying to force others to change, we can ask God what we need to change in ourselves. And instead of imposing our will on other people, we can do our best to work together with them. To think of how we can be the kinds of people that others would want to cooperate harmoniously with, rather than make others do what we want them to.

So, in spite of everything that has been over the past few years, I do have some hopes for 2023. Because I don’t think that I’m the only one that, during the past year, has become acutely aware of all of the things that don’t work and that I don’t want in my life. 

But it’s up to each and every one of us. Will we take responsibility for our lives, rise above all that is small and petty inside of ourselves, strive for what is truly good and noble and thus take our power back?

Happy New Year!

A little Christmas Greeting

I thought that I’d take a break from my regular blogging this Saturday, since it’s Christmas and most people probably have better things to do than to read blogs. But I thought that I’d just put a small piece together.

I want to begin by saying merry Christmas to all of my family and friends. Thank you for having put up with me throughout the years. You mean more to me than I often show.

Now, it’s easy to get cynical about Christmas these days. Just like it’s easy to get cynical about many things these days. You can take the fun and beauty out of most things if this is what you want.

If you want to, you can choose to look at Christmas as a holiday of drunkenness, gluttony, loneliness and empty bank accounts. You can point out that Jesus was almost certainly not born on the 25^th of December. And so on.

Or you can choose to reflect upon what Christmas represents, no matter when Jesus was born. That Christmas represents not just the birth of Jesus, but the beginning of the rebirth of the whole world and the whole of humanity. 

You look at Christmas as a time when you can allow yourself to take a break from an often hectic life and spend time with your loved ones, without feeling guilty about not being productive.

When pondering the significance of gifts, you can think about the gift of life that God has given you. You may think of the gifts that await you in the future. And you can think of the fact that God is himself the greatest gift of all. You can think of how this is reflected in the giving of gifts between people. Because it is the giver and not the gifts that is of true importance to us. We do well to remember this.

I’m not always good at seeing the best in the world and the people in it. But I want to be better at it. Not in the delusional way, where I tell myself that everything is fine when it really isn’t, while pretending that my problems don’t bother me, even though it’s obvious that they do.

No, I mean to see all the good that is in my life and the world. To not make more than I have to of my problems. To not ruminate on them if I can help it. To not let the joys just fly by while my mind is occupied with the past or the future. To instead take time to appreciate and be thankful for all my blessings.

This is where I want my focus to be. ghggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggn6767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767676767jhnWhat do your eyes see when they view the world?

Merry Christmas!

Have Faith!

Everything is in God’s hands. EVERYTHING is in God’s hands! In these troubled times it’s so easy to forget that. That there is a plan. That no matter how things look on the surface, both on a global and personal level, ultimately everything is going to be okay. This is what the Bible promises. This is what many of the Bible stories point to. For example when Moses parts the sea, when David slays Goliath, when Daniel and his friends walk into the fiery furnace, when Peter walks on the water with Jesus or when Jesus calms the raging storm. No matter what happens, God is always there with us. Even when the apostles were martyred, they knew that they were going home.

With this I don’t mean to trivialize the suffering that is happening in the world. But if we have faith, we know that the suffering does not take place in an ultimately meaningless world. We know that there will be redemption for those who suffer.

We all have our proverbial demons (and maybe some literal ones as well). One of mine is worries about money. I know perfectly well that my worries are very small in comparison to what many people go through. Me and my wife can still pay our bills and put food on the table. And we have a safety net of people around us if something goes seriously wrong.

Yet, when everything gets more expensive I worry. And I’m imagining all kinds of scenarios where we have to freeze and don’t have food, because we don’t have a solid financial ground to stand on. This is not to have faith. Faith is to do one’s best with what one has and leave the rest to God. Faith is to look boldly at the uncertainty of the future and say: “thy will be done”. 

What I have control over, is what I do with my relationship with my creator and the people around me. I have control over what kind of person I become through my daily choices. I can control what kind of character I develop.

Luckily this is where we can find our strongest foundation. Not in material possessions or riches. Our strongest foundation is built on where we stand with God, who we are and the people we surround ourselves with. 

By focusing on my little worries, I both distrust God and display a lack of proper care. 

What do I mean by “lack of proper care”?

Let me give you an example. Right now, billionaires all over the world are building bunkers, that are built to protect and maintain a comfortable lifestyle during a crisis. In other words, in the face of a global disaster, they think primarily of saving themselves and their families. 

But in light of what often runs through my mind at this time, am I so different? Are you? What are the chances that we would do the same if we could? 

Proper care means to focus on the greater picture. What at least I instead often focus on, is how everything affects me personally. How the state of the world interferes with my own goals, plans, dreams, wishes and desires. This while I ought to focus on what God wants with my life.

This leads to some tough questions: Is my life focused around what God wants or what my ego wants? Do my thoughts, words and actions match my answer, if I’m being honest with myself? 

I know that my answers to these questions are far from satisfying. But a serious attempt at being honest with oneself is at least a start.

I believe that faith is crucial here. Faith in that we don’t live in a cold, indifferent world where the future is completely uncertain. Faith in that there is a meaning to everything that is happening. Faith in that everything is in God’s hands. Faith that whatever happens, we can still trust God in the end. Faith that God holds us and preserves us, even in death.

What God asks of us, is to be okay with uncertainty. With not knowing everything in advance. To not let the world fool us into believing that there is no hope beyond politics, economics and science. To trust that whatever comes our way, ultimately it’s for the best. To truly believe in a life and a reality beyond this one, not just with our intellects, but with our whole being. To truly believe in God. That God is a personal God, that cares intimately for us. That he has a plan for everything that is happening right now. That God wants a relationship with us and that, in his time and not ours, he wants to give us everything. To allow these beliefs to shine through our thoughts, words and actions.

Have faith! 

Radical love and awareness

Jesus didn’t just show us what we could be. He also taught that it is our natural state. He showed us this natural state through his character and actions. He showed us what unconditional love looks like. 

Now, we may get confused about what unconditional love means. To love unconditionally is to love no matter what. But a person that loves unconditionally can still demand things of others. Just not as a condition for love. Jesus demanded things of people. He said: “This is what you need to do to follow me” and “This is what you need to do if you want to be free and happy”. The world is what it is and it comes with its conditions. And no matter how much Jesus loves, as long as we live in a fallen world, he can’t help us out of our bondage unless we do what he says that we need to do in order to be free. 

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to meet that person with love and openness. This is our natural state. But from the day we were born, we have been programmed to respond otherwise. Therefore, what should come natural is hard for most of us. What should come natural is met with resistance. I am no exception to this. This is not something that I have conquered within myself. And this is where it has to begin: within ourselves. Actions and words that on the surface are identical, can have opposite meanings depending on what inner state that they stem from.

In any interaction with another person, we can choose to think loving thoughts about the person. We can choose what qualities to focus on. And every time we make such a choice, our hearts open or close a little bit. Love is a feeling that exists in infinite abundance, we can choose it any time and it is always possible to cultivate more of it.

Jesus said: “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemies”. He also told us over and over again to look at our own shortcomings, instead of finding faults in others. These are very clear instructions. There is very little room for misunderstanding here.

So why don’t we always cultivate love. For me, at least part of the reason was that no one told me that I had a choice. At least not in a way that got through to me. And here is where the programming comes in. We learn so many things without questioning them. From movies, music, the news, people around us and other channels, we learn that we live in a hostile world full of selfish people. We learn that power struggles is a necessary part of life, that we live in scarcity and that we need to take what we can and guard ourselves against others. We learn that material possessions and status are important for a happy life. We learn that self esteem comes from putting others in their place and taking revenge. We learn that we should feel offended when we think that someone has wronged us. Just to name a few ways of functioning in the world, that have nothing to do with love, that many of us learn without questioning. 

It is very much a question of awareness whether we make a conscious choice about these matters or not. We may for example feel justified in our anger towards someone. Maybe the person has intentionally wronged us in some way. But if we manage to take a step back and observe what is going on, we can consider what course of action is most beneficial to all concerned parties. Hint: It’s usually not to go off on a slanderous rant as we vent our hurt feelings to a mutual friend. In fact, if we can stop ourselves at the level of our thoughts, this is usually the best way of approaching the issue. If we can keep calm and remember that our thoughts do not represent reality. 

The problem is that we are seldom fully aware of what is going on inside of our own heads. We often assume that we are. But upon closer inspection, we notice all kinds of nonsense in our minds. We notice that there is a constant chatter in our minds whether we like it or not, that we believe many thoughts without sufficient reason and that we often confuse thoughts and feelings. For example. 

We also notice something else, which is very relevant here. Namely that once a negative emotion gets hold of us, we lose our conscious awareness. Then the emotion starts to color our thoughts and perceptions, it becomes much easier to mistake our distorted perception of reality for reality and to start engaging in behavior that has no clear purpose. Such as saying something that we may regret later, to- or about another person. Such as acting in a way that is not loving.

But we often do have a few seconds where we remember, for example, a commitment not to judge. But then comes the justifications: “He or she did this or that to me”. Or we simply pretend that we didn’t hear the little reminder of our commitment at all. Our inner life is interesting in that way, in a rather frightening manner. We often know, on some level, that we have the choice of stopping ourselves. But another side of us doesn’t want to. And when this side wins we let go. And when we let go we go unconscious and words seem to flow more or less automatically out of our mouths. 

We may come to our senses after a while, much depending on our level of maturity. But not before having given ourselves another reason not to trust ourselves. For what reason? Why do we do such things? The only honest answer is: “I don’t know”. As with many, if not most, of our behaviors, we may think up an explanation for them. But if we are being honest with ourselves, it is just that - something that we have thought up. 

The good news is that the more awareness we bring into the present moment, the easier it becomes to make different choices. The easier it becomes to catch ourselves before we think, act and speak in an unloving manner. The easier it becomes to choose love. And the more we choose love, the closer we get to our rebirth in the image of God. In Christ likeness. Which is the goal of every human, whether we recognize it or not.

Letting go of what's unimportant

There are really only three truly important things in life. Our relationship with God and all that it entails, our relationship with others and our relationship with ourselves. If you believe that these two sentences hold some truth, it becomes obvious that it’s our relationships that are important. I would even stretch it so far as to say that there is something divine about our relationships. So why are we having such a hard time taking proper care of our relationships? Here are some some factors in my life: stress, fears, worries, disappointments, financial issues, trust-issues. Just to name a few. 

Many of us carry around lots of baggage that affects how we act towards those around us. Act in ways that we neither see nor understand. As with so many difficulties in life, the first step to healing is awareness. We need to be present with ourselves. Observe ourselves. Try to see and understand what is happening when it happens.

Some spiritual teachings tell us that we have to let go of everything in this world, including the attachments that we have to the ones that we love. I believe that this is wrong. Plain and simple. We’re supposed to care for those around us. And when something happens to them we’re supposed to care. When someone that we love dies, we’re supposed to grieve. And since I know God exists, that we go on living after we die and that the Bible is right about those things that I can confirm through my own experience, I take comfort in the idea that I will see those that I love that have passed away again. You may find this a bit childish, but I even hope that this includes pets. Because why not?

You see, I’m beginning to see that the Christian faith has room for not just one type of faith and relationship with God. It does have room for the child-like faith that I just described, where God embraces us after we die, wipes our tears and tells us that absolutely everything is okay. And it also has room for a relationship with a God that is the infinite, all-powerful ruler of heaven and earth, whose love and glory is so magnificent, that we cannot even begin to comprehend it. The God that calls us to grow out of our petty egos and into ruthless self-examinations, so that we can die from all that is immature, selfish and wicked. 

How far most of us have strayed from this type of relationship with God. How far I have strayed from it. Comfort has silently taken over us. Made many of us weak and numb. And when the conveniences that we’ve gotten used to get taken away or don’t work properly it causes frustration. At least it does for me. How easy it is for our attention to get drawn away from what’s important to that which is unimportant. 

There are in general so many irrelevant things in my life that take up energy and attention. When all I really want to do is live the kind of godly life that I just spoke about. A life where God is always at the centre. A life where my thoughts are always occupied with God and where God colors all of my actions, words and even thoughts. This might sound like the goal of a fanatic. But if we truly believe in God and that he is who the Bible says he is, how could things be any other way? And to be clear, I have no wish to ever force anything on anyone. I don’t believe that anything good ever can come from coercion and I’m firmly against any expression of religion that relies on it. Only falseness can come from it. I only wish for others to see for themselves what I today know to be true. Not because I need to be right or need others to agree with me, but because I know that God exists and that true meaningfulness can only come from having him in our lives. How could I not want this for others?

In my day to day life and my spiritual practices, I’ve in different ways caught glimpses of a world beyond this one. Of what a life where I fully walk with God would be like. Felt the love that our creator has for us. I don’t expect anyone to take my word for it. I don’t believe that anyone should take anyone’s word for anything. This is not about mere belief. I cannot say how long it will take, but I believe that whoever knocks on the proverbial door will see it open eventually.

Since I’ve felt some of what I believe to be the eternity that the Bible promises, I know that whatever this world offers pales in comparison. And yet, I’m often sucked into the worries and feelings of lack that for most of us is a necessary component of this life: “I want this. I don’t have that. This doesn’t work the way it should. How am I going to get through this? Why can’t things be different from what they are? Are things ever going to be different?” Etcetera. 

I’ve noticed that my memory works pretty strange when it comes to this. Because it seems as if I can’t be caught up in this world and remember all of the signs that point to a better world at the same time. When I’m caught up in the worries of this life, it seems as if this life is all there is. When this happens, all of the little temporal, passing things of this life and this world, suddenly seem terribly important. Even though I, on some level, know that most of them will have passed away in a month or a year. This while God’s kingdom is forever.

I personally have a fair balance between joy and suffering in my life. Many people suffer more, while other suffer less. But a fact of life is that even those that don’t suffer much today, will in all likelihood suffer more some time during their lives. And suffering is still suffering no matter what. But it’s much easier to bear when we have the solid ground of faith beneath our feet. Not a faith of wishful thinking, but one whose truth is firmly planted in our hearts.

Whether I, in the situations that I face throughout my day, can remember what’s important, seems to have a lot to do with awareness. Can I be conscious enough to notice that I’m slipping before it’s too late? 

Are you beginning to see why cultivating more present moment awareness is so important? This is something that we can do always. Just get into the habit of consciously noticing what is going on as often as possible throughout the day. Being really present with our senses. Noticing both what is going on in the external world and what we’re thinking, feeling and what is going on inside the body. That is all that it takes really. We can read tons of books about mindfulness. I have. But this is all that is really needed. And here comes a little hint: Much more is going on inside the body than we usually are aware of. Just try for yourself and put more focus on what sensations pass through it and see what happens.