Guided by God or guided by the ego?

Everything should come natural to us. But we need to be deprogrammed from the world’s programming. We can live with an absolute, intuitive knowing of what to do and how to act.

What I’ve realized through putting myself through a rather harsh self-analysis, is that it is extremely difficult to know what I actually want in many situation. And to do just that. Or what I really think about this or that thing. 

I’ve gotten so used to consider all kinds of irrelevant factors when making decisions rather than my true will, such as what is socially acceptable or in general what other people think. I have also become rather good at hiding this fact, even from myself.

I have gotten so used to believing that the real me won’t be accepted, that I’ve gotten lost in my persona, the social mask that we all put on. But I believe that this is true for most people. Most just don’t realize it. And in my past it might have been more severe in my case than for most people. Because at some point I unconsciously decided to adopt an image. Put on a show. Become a character. Something like that. I wanted to separate myself from other people and show the world that I wasn’t like the rest. And what instead ended up happening, was that instead of becoming more of a unique individual, I became less like myself.

I think that something similar might be happening to many people that try to “express their uniqueness” by attaching all kinds of labels to their identities nowadays. You know what I’m talking about without me having to be too specific. I’m talking about the kind of self-expression that is encouraged by society and our cultural norms. The kind that is often shared on social media.

If you have the kind of attitude that I used to have it’s going to shape you. And in my case not in a good way. At least not directly. But indirectly I believe that it allowed me to see these things more clearly. Come to think of it, it has been like this with many “errors” that I’ve made in my life. They have allowed me to see aspects of the human experience and our being in the world more clearly than I would have without them. 

What I want to get at, is that since I started to become more present and get more into contact with myself and my true feelings, I have also started to more and more clearly discern the still voice inside, that others talk about. It comes in the form of an inner knowing about what to do and what is right or wrong. It’s still very much drowned out by the world. But it is getting stronger as I am being more honest with myself and don’t lie to myself about what it is saying.