Defending negative behavior to avoid feeling bad

This keeps us trapped in negative behavioral patterns. I think that this has something to do with us erroneously and unconsciously assume that we choose the negative behavior. And therefore we think that it is something that we have to defend. Because it is almost as if it is a part of who we are. So we come up with all kinds of excuses and justifications.

What can we do instead? The first thing is to realize that we are okay the way we are. This may sound paradoxical, but hear me out. Negative behaviors do not make us bad. At the core, we are all beloved children of God. There is nothing shameful in having acquired some baggage along the way.

And here comes another paradox: It is more or less never a good idea to point out someone else’s flaws. Because 99% of the time, this will only lead to a defensive reaction. But if we can take a step back, let go of the defensive impulse and actually consider what is being said, when someone criticizes us, we have a lot to gain from it. We might come to the conclusion that what is being said is totally unfounded. But our gut reaction is often to dismiss the criticism off hand, without first taking it into consideration. 

I want to conclude this post by talking a little more about the baggage that we cling to. It’s even okay to not want to let go of it. Or to not be ready to let go of it yet. We don’t need to explain or justify. In fact, we don’t need to do anything at all. But if there comes a time when we realize that the pain of holding on to it, outweighs the pain of letting go, why not let it go, if we feel that we can do what it takes to do so? It’s much easier to do this if we don’t have leads of stories attached to it, that tell us why we can’t.