Bad habits on bad days

Have you noticed that bad habits tend to rear their ugly face whey you have a bad day? Of course you have. Everyone has. The last part you maybe didn’t know though. Because since many are dead set on looking perfect, they rarely talk about such things. 

This is similar to what in psychological terms is called the “what the hell effect”. The “what the hell effect” comes into play when you feel like you’ve already indulged in something, so you might as well do it some more. Here it’s more like: “I’m already in a bad place right now, so who cares if I make it even worse.” Combined with the craving for some instant gratification to escape one’s problems of course. Because when we escape into our senses, we get a temporary relief from our painful thoughts and emotions.

Even if I don’t plan on giving up when I indulge on bad days, it is as if something is pulling me towards doing just that. As soon as my balance is upset, it is as if something tries to use this fact to pull me even deeper into unconsciousness. Deeper into unconscious behavior. If this is subconscious neurosis, Vadim Zeland’s pendulums, archons, demons or the actual devil, I don’t know. All I know is that as soon as I’m feeling weak, I feel this pull towards making bad decisions that goes beyond just wanting to escape my pain. 

This is quite difficult to spot. We explain, make excuses for, rationalize etcetera. But the fact is, at least in my case, that when I feel weak and out of balance, I tend to have thoughts in my head that I normally would dismiss. I tend to act on those thoughts and I tend to slip into patterns of behavior that I under any normal circumstances would recognize as undesirable, saying something akin to: “Ah, what the hell!?”