Those of us that have dark pasts...

I’ve done more “bad” things than most people in my past than most people. I’m not going to get into detail about this here. Not at this point. Perhaps in the future, if I feel called to do so.

Jesus said that he came not to "call the righteous, but sinners" (Luke 5:32). This, I believe, is very relevant today. Even if the second coming isn't happening as visibly as most have expected, but instead is more like a gentle tap on the shoulder. And even if the second coming might not be reserved exclusively for Christians or even Bible believers.

Now, I don’t believe in eternal damnation. But I believe that we can mess up pretty bad and I honestly have no idea what, if any, the consequences of that might be. But I believe that we always can turn around. I also believe that turning around makes us unequivocally happier, even if turning around also entails lots of pain. 

One thing that I’ve also noticed, is that it’s not as easy as just deciding to turn around. I'm stating the obvious here. But it's not just our weak wills that prevent us from leaving our destructive behaviors behind. What I've come to realize, is that every little dark action leaves its mark. Even every little dark word or thought, at least if they are related to our attitudes or behaviors, leave their marks.

Some thing begin when we are too young to be able to make the decisions that lead us into darkness. But often, the unconscious decisions that we make when we are young follow us throughout adulthood. Not seldom to our graves. 

And when we decide to turn our backs on a particular habit or behavior, it will eventually try to come back into our lives. It does so through our thoughts. The thoughts start to find justifications. The justifications can take many forms. Sometimes they tell us that what we know to be bad really is okay. Other times they say “it’s not so bad”. And yet other times, they tell us “yeah, it’s bad, but I suffer so much right now that I simply do not care, so to hell with my good intentions”. 

As soon as we, often unconsciously, start looking for those justifications, we are sure to find them. And if we’re not vigilant of what is going on inside our heads, we might end up believing these thoughts without questioning.