I know that all this brokenness that we find inside, when we choose to really look, may feel overwhelming sometimes. We want to be over there, but we’re over here. And the distance from over here to over there seems infinite. And time just keeps passing by.
But God’s love is alway there. Surrender can happen in an instant. Yes, we have to keep working and struggling. And yet, it’s not about what we do and what we accomplish. God doesn’t love us less because we’re not as virtuous or disciplined as someone else. God’s love is unconditional. When we feel it, I believe that it should make us want to do our best. But my best might not be the same as your best.
My best might be to work every day on being more present and aware. But it might also mean to accept that I sometimes have days when I’m not there at all and where I’m just angry with everything. It might mean to work out and take care of my body. But it might also mean to say f**** it, I can’t take this health crap right now, and spend a weekend eating junk food and watch mindless entertainment. It might even mean to sometimes make excuses for my bad behavior. But it also means being honest with myself once I become aware of my behavior, or the fact that I’m making excuses. It means not staying down longer that I have to when I fall. But only I know how long that is. Sometimes the voice inside that tells me to just drop everything a little while longer is just too strong. Maybe I even need to deceive myself today, so that I can bear my problems.
God loves me no matter what though.
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