Getting stuck in one approach

This has been coming up a lot lately. All of the examples are pretty boring, so I’ll just pick one. If you just want to point, you can skip to the last paragraph. 

Basically I’ve been doing stuff where I've gotten stuck in one approach to them. And I’ve felt pretty stupid when I’ve realized that I could do them another way. 

So, here comes the boring example: At my job, I was assigned to glue a smaller thing to a bigger. For some reason, the thought entered into my mind, that I had to put the glue on the bigger thing, which meant a lot more work and so on. Long story short, it would have been a lot more work. When I told a co-worker this, I was informed that I could just put the glue on the smaller piece. 

As I said, I’ve been finding myself in many similar situations lately. And I wonder how many more there are in my life, where I waste time and energy because I form a mental picture of how it has to be done and therefore exclude all of the other options.

Another thing that separates different types of creativity

I’ve already spoken about passion. But another thing is whether the creativity is personal or not. Do I come out (no matter how imperfect I am) in that which I create? Do I express what is authentically inside of me? Only the creator of a piece can answer this question. In the end, I believe that the only true creative expression, is the one that is guided, in different degree, by the hand of God.

The devil is real... part 2

So, whether the Devil is an actual being or not, we still have to do the same battle with him. I’m sure that there is a life after this one, in some way. But maybe we should focus on what we can do in this life, instead of worrying about punishments or rewards in the next. Maybe heaven and hell is a trap, that makes us more focused on what we can get our of the afterlife, instead of how we can improve and help others in this one.

Ask yourself this: if you know that there is a God and an afterlife, that God loves you and is infinitely wiser than you are, do you really need the promise of rewards and punishments to want to do his will? With the question posed this way, I think the answer is pretty simple.

The Devil is real... part 1

…at least in some way. Is the Devil is an actual entity or not? I don’t know. But he definitely lives inside of us in the form of the ego. He is the one that rather has us accuse others, than look at ourselves. The one that has us boasting about our accomplishments, instead of humbly thanking God for giving us strength and guidance. He is the one that makes us angry and frustrated about all the things that we don’t have, instead of being thankful for the things that we do have. And he is the one that makes us doubt that there is more to life than the brief time that we spend here on earth and therefore makes us believe that we need to take as much as possible before we die. 

My slow insights

There is something strange going on in the world. I see it out there and in my life. And for some, everything seems to fall into place fast. For me, it has been a very slow ride. Partially, it’s because I’m very cautious about believing things that I don’t have sufficient reasons to believe. I don’t know if this is always a good thing. Because I believe that it often gets in my way of letting go and just trust. 

Another, definitely more negative reason, is that I’ve been dragging my heels when it comes to my self development. I’ve been slipping back into old habits, procrastinated and made excuses for it. 

But maybe this is how it should be. You see, I’m going through some sort of spiritual process. Within Spiritual / New Age circles, there is talk about the Ascension Process, which is supposed to be a global shift in consciousness. I’ve been studying this a lot, because there is something big happening. But it could also be the apocalypse. The one in the Book of Revelations. It could be both (this is what I’m leaning towards), because it is by no means certain that the darker aspects of the Book of Revelations are to be taken literally. Apocalypse means something akin to unveiling or disclosure (the literal translation is “from cover”, which makes little sense unless you know the intended meaning).

The most common scholarly approach, is that it was written in a cryptic way to pass under the radar of oppressive Roman authorities. This I believe to be at least partially wrong, but I won’t get into detail about it. I just believe that it’s worth bearing in mind when our speculations start to move towards some violent end of everything.

So, why did I suddenly fly off into this area? Well, because I want to document, as truthfully as possible, the process that I’m going through. Because something is definitely happening with me. And with other people. And the world. And maybe things in my process are just the way they should be. Maybe they are slow, so that I really have time to see what is going on and analyse it. So that I can truly see all the pitfalls that I fall into, why I fall into them, what they mean and how they affect me. 

And maybe I won’t be able to speak to people that find the more esoteric stuff hard to swallow, unless I’m truly one of those people. Just a thought.

Energy management

Quite a few people that I listen to talk about that money problems essentially comes down to a problem in energy management. I figured that there might be something to it but haven’t given it much thought beyond that. But if I suspect that this might be at the core of one of my biggest stumbling blocks, I should probably give it some thought. 

Another idea that comes up frequently, is that how you do one thing, is how you do everything. And what I’ve realized is that I often don’t work smart. If I’m in the gym, I lift as heavy as possible and till fail in every set. When I need to get something done fast, I simply push through without thinking of what I’m doing. This usually result in a couple of things. What I’m doing ends up taking longer time because I didn’t think of the most efficient way of doing it. I get stuck because I run into some difficult problem and have already wasted my mental energy. And afterwards, I have to deal with a bunch of problems because I’ve done a sloppy work. 

When it comes to eating, I’m usually rather strict. But now and then I binge out on junk food and candy. 

So, I’m thinking that if I balance out my energy a little bit, I will be able to both have a more consistent energy level, enjoy life more and resist urges. I can enjoy some chocolate now and then, without adding significantly to my weight, feeling lethargic because of over-eating or feel guilty because I know I’m doing something to my body that I shouldn’t.

So, therefore I believe that energy management comes down to treating both the energy that goes into the body and the one that goes out of it in a smarter way. I need to work smarter and adjust the type of work that I do to where I currently am. When I fore example get home from work, I should probably focus on easier tasks and leave the more difficult ones to when I’m not worn-out. 

When it comes to what is going in to the body, I need a good balance between treating food as fuel and pleasure. I maybe shouldn’t eat the most unhealthy stuff. But some chocolate and nuts in moredate amounts once or twice per week might not be that bad. It was a long time ago that I believed in asketism, but sometimes I think that I have some residue from that period of my life left in me.

What it all comes down to, I guess, is to be conscious of what I’m doing, not rush things and do things in a thought-through manner. I also need to negotiate a bit with my ego and throw it a bone now and then, preferably according to a fixed schedule and in fixed amounts. In this context, it means to eat candy moderately and on fixed days. But it can of course be applied to alcohol, movies, TV-series etc. There should probably also be some room for completely letting go if I truly and honestly feel like it some time. But NOT ON A REGULAR BASIS. 

If I take the stance just described towards pleasure, I will also probably be able to enjoy my pleasures more, without feeling guilty about it. Let’s see how all of this works.

Improving a little every day

I’m going to go ahead and begin this post by quoting my father: “I’m an expert at stating the obvious.” But if this is so obvious, why don’t we do it?

I believe strongly that, no matter where we are, if we do a little something every day to improve ourselves and our lives, something amazing will eventually happen. It doesn’t have to be much. It certainly doesn’t have to be more than we can handle, or even be comfortable with. The will to make those bigger changes will come gradually. And there are so many things to do this. We can improve our habits, our environment, how we treat other people etcetera. And the improvement can be as little as always smiling and adding a little feeling when we wish the clerk at the store a nice day. Try it! It works!

Obsessive thoughts

I

I’ve noticed that my thoughts get obsessive over certain things. These thoughts have a peculiar character. Because it is as if I come under a spell. They seem undeniably true and I find numerous signs that confirm them. While I’m under their spell, my mind keeps coming back to them over and over again, I become absent-minded and they fill me with a strange, anxious, restless energy. 

Yet, what often happens is that something happens that breaks their spell and suddenly they seem no more real than any other thought. 

I wonder what other such things go on in my mind that I haven’t really put my finger on.

I'm not here to be perfect part 3

Knowing what I know about God’s existence is a joy, infinitely more powerful than any grief that could potentially strike me. God exists, I’m loved by God and I’m going to live forever, in all likelihood with everyone I’ve ever cared for and perhaps a bunch of other interesting people that I’ve never met. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get to meet C.S Lewis, Carl Jung, St. Augustine, P.D Ouspensky and of course Jesus. And my other heroes. And as far as I understand it, I don’t have to do anything to deserve it. In fact, I can’t do anything to deserve it. Because I am a sinner and I live in a fallen state. I’m weak, confused, full of self-deception and if it came down to actions, I would be lost. Potential rewards and punishments don’t have any place in this equation. Once I’m certain that God exists, that he loves me, that he, contrary to me, sees everything with absolute clarity and wisdom, anything other than doing my best to align my will with his will, would be totally illogical, unreasonable and insane.

I'm not here to be perfect part 2

You see, somewhere I know that I’m here to be loved by God for who I am. God’s approval is the only approval that really matters. Yet, it is so easy for me to fall back into wanting people to see me a certain way. I think it has something to do with that I haven’t really grasped that I now know for a fact that God exists. It’s like the opposite of when a horrible tragedy strikes. You grasp what has happened intellectually. You know that it’s all true and real. And yet, you are unable to take it in. It’s too big. Too overwhelming. Too unfathomable. 

I'm not here to be perfect part 1

I believe that imperfections actually can be a strength. I can beat myself up for my moral failings. Or I can humbly ask God for forgiveness and for their removal. I can use them in my stumbling attempts at becoming more humble. I can let my shortcomings defeat me. Or I can struggle with them and become stronger. I can look away from these shortcomings. Or I can courageously face them. I can make hopeless attempt at crawling out of my own skin. Or I can ask God to help me become comfortable in it. 

Hang in there

I’m saying this as much to myself as anyone else that might need to hear this.

I know that all this brokenness that we find inside, when we choose to really look, may feel overwhelming sometimes. We want to be over there, but we’re over here. And the distance from over here to over there seems infinite. And time just keeps passing by. 

But God’s love is alway there. Surrender can happen in an instant. Yes, we have to keep working and struggling. And yet, it’s not about what we do and what we accomplish. God doesn’t love us less because we’re not as virtuous or disciplined as someone else. God’s love is unconditional. When we feel it, I believe that it should make us want to do our best. But my best might not be the same as your best.

My best might be to work every day on being more present and aware. But it might also mean to accept that I sometimes have days when I’m not there at all and where I’m just angry with everything. It might mean to work out and take care of my body. But it might also mean to say f**** it, I can’t take this health crap right now, and spend a weekend eating junk food and watch mindless entertainment. It might even mean to sometimes make excuses for my bad behavior. But it also means being honest with myself once I become aware of my behavior, or the fact that I’m making excuses. It means not staying down longer that I have to when I fall. But only I know how long that is. Sometimes the voice inside that tells me to just drop everything a little while longer is just too strong. Maybe I even need to deceive myself today, so that I can bear my problems.

God loves me no matter what though.

Some thoughts about the movie The Unholy, part 2

To part 1.

For obvious reasons, I have a huge problem with the idea that God would have us guess what we’re supposed to believe in. Especially if God allows countless of very smart people and perhaps even supernatural beings that are much smarter than we are to use all they’ve got to deceive us. At least if beliefs matter to us and/or God in any way. Especially if, as some claim (I personally do not believe in the possibility of eternal damnation, even if I of course cannot be sure of that, or anything else), our ultimate destiny is dependent upon what we believe. 

I guess that we might be supposed to know in our hearts what to believe in. And maybe we will, once we’ve developed enough character. Maybe intuitive discernment comes with character. That is actually the only idea that makes sense to me, if we presuppose that what we believe matters, when it comes to matters that cannot be proven or disproven with facts and arguments. 

But until then? Should I walk around in fear of doing things against God’s will every time someone says that something is? This question is only half-rhetorical. Because there are things that I feel drawn to, that many say are against God’s will, that I also feel that there might be something not quite right with. Maybe a good middle way would be to stay away from those things until more clarity presents itself. And keep doing the things that I don’t feel this way about, also until more clarity presents itself. 

Because I do sort of believe in the whole “love/fear” dichotomy. Namely that we can ultimately live in either love or fear and that all our other emotions stem from one of those two fundamental emotions. From that standpoint, it doesn’t seem very reasonable to live in fear of what God might think of what I do. I would of course not regard this question as unimportant, since I do hold a very strong belief in that God is personal and has a will. But almost anything will be regarded as sinful by someone. And if we listen to all of those voices, we will definitely be dominated by fear.

So, to conclude, the most reasonable response that I can find, with regards to beliefs about right and wrong, is to exercise some caution and not engage in things that we suspect are against God’s will, but to not listen to every little fearful voice that tells us something is wrong either. After all, the benefit of choosing a middle way seems to be sort of built into the fabric of reality.

Don't worry about the future

Another little reminder to myself: Everything is just as it should be. Depending on how I approach things and what I choose to focus on, I can enjoy most moments. The more I focus on enjoying and accepting what is, the better my future will become. I will always get what the whole of me needs. Not what my ego wants.

How does everyday stuff work?

Do you think about how your thoughts operate? Your emotions? Your breath? Your body? How these things correspond? I know I didn’t for most of my life. But aren’t the things that are always present in your life important enough to give them some consideration?

What God has joined together

Of course I have thought of divorce as an easy way out when things get tough and don’t go as planned. But - and I’m only speaking for myself here - for me, if I’ve looked carefully at my motifs, they amount to just that (setting aside all details): An easy way out of problems that can be handled. Because I don’t value those close to me properly. Because I’m ungrateful for what I’ve got. I want to be more grateful. Gratitude is one of the best feelings there are.

What does it mean to trust God?

Yesterday, I made a post about how lying ultimately comes down to not trusting God. But isn’t this true with other behaviour as well? If we steal or scam people, isn’t this a sign that we don’t trust God to provide for us? When we attack, isn’t this because we don’t trust God’s judgment? And God’s judgment might very well be total forgiveness and mercy for everyone and if so, isn’t the rightness of this what we ought to put our trust in?

If we want to be happy and heal our brokenness, maybe it begins with this trust. Maybe we need to truly take the thought that God knows what’s best for us seriously.

My choices

I’m almost forty now. Throughout my life, I’ve mostly lived under the illusion that I’ve made choices, while I’ve really let life happen to me. Looking back at major decisions in my life, my motivations have almost never been what they have seemed. I’ve made decisions based on wishful thinking, an urge to make reality something that it’s not, wrongful labelings of people, events etcetera, fueled by a bunch of confused ides. 

Often, I’ve acted against my better judgment because I’ve been scared of doing what I somewhere have known to be right. 

I’ve often seen this in others, but been unable to see it in myself. Now, I still see it in others. I even see more of it. But I don’t judge anymore. At least not when I’m conscious of my thought processes. Because I know that I do the same things. 

The most common thing that I see in others, probably because I am not able to see their thought processes, is decisions following something like “I want this, so I’m going to have it without thinking of the consequences or what I’m committing to.”

The thing is, that in some strange way, my life has not turned into a total disaster. I’m not content with everything in it. But I’ve learned quite a lot and I can probably use my knowledge to make better decisions in the future.

What do we want?

When I try to boil down life to its essentials, three things come up. I want to be right with God, live a morally good life and be free from suffering. A lot can be said about these things and what they entail. But that is not the point of this post. The point of it is simply to boil everything down to its essentials.

I also believe that these three things go together and that they can be summarized under “being right with God”, but that this would be too vague. 

Furthermore, I believe that this is what any person truly wishes for, even though I cannot say that I know this, since I only have access to my own experience. But from where I stand, knowing that God exists, that God is personal and having some idea of what I have in common with all other people, it seems like a logical conclusion.

The question then becomes: what is the best way to a life that fulfills these three requirements?

Asking ourselves why we engage in certain thoughts part 2

One way of approaching negative thoughts when they come up, is to ask why I’m thinking these thoughts. What do I really want to get out of them? Most of the time, there is a situation or circumstance that I’m not happy about, that I wish to change. But when I let thoughts about whatever the issue is just pass through my head without me steering them in any particular direction, all it usually does is give me more negative emotions, but no solutions. But when I make a conscious effort to actually define the issue, my thoughts start to move towards an actual solution.

Asking ourselves why we engage in certain thoughts part 1

More and more, I come to realize how many options we have with regards to our inner lives. For most of my life, I’ve just treaded along and let whatever came up in my head come up, letting more or less arbitrary things decide which ones I would or wouldn’t believe in. I also didn’t really separate my thoughts. They were just thoughts, whether they were the result of deliberate thinking, or rumination fueled by negative emotions. 

Thinking about what we read

This blog is partially about stating the obvious, when it comes to things where the obvious have passed me by. And where I therefore believe that it has in many other people’s lives. 

For many of us, part of our journey is to try and understand things as best we can. And when we do, we most of the time read stuff. Or take in information in another way. 

A few years ago, I realized just how much I had been stuffing information inside my head, without contemplating its validity, how I related to it personally, what it could teach me about myself, or really what it said about this world and other worlds beyond this one. And what I’ve come to realize, is that it’s in the processing of the information that we find the really deep lessons. When we make the information real to us on a personal level.

Right and wrong? Part 2

So, there is this idea out there, that whatever we think is true, becomes true. That nothing has any inherent meaning. Is it so? This is not a rhetorical question. I want to seriously explore this idea. Because I’ve come to see how I can convince myself of totally opposite views within the scope of about an hour. This will be a long series with many short parts, because I wish to explore this concept some. I want to gain some clarity. Because I believe that it’s a difficult subject.

Some thoughts about the movie The Unholy Part 1

I watched the movie The Unholy the other day. It was an okay movie, with okay story, okay mood, decent editing and acting, but with crappy CGI and quite a few elements that felt like they didn’t hang together in a meaningful way. 

But this is not a review. It’s the movie’s essential theme that is interesting here. The theme is false prophets and false saviours. Since I felt sort of drawn to see this movie, and since it grabbed my attention in spit of being rather mediocre, maybe there was a point in me seeing it (I have more and more come to believe that nothing in our lives happen by accident. We are just usually not attentive enough to see that God constantly speaks to us). 

Another thing that is a little easier to miss about the movie, but which really is right there in front of us, that would be backed up by many passages in The Bible, is that just because someone is able to perform miracles, it does not mean that the miracles come from God. This, I think, is very significant. Because I think that this is an easy concept to grasp and even take to heart. But how many of us would not be easily swayed by something that we perceive as a genuine miracle, if we would encounter one? I know that for me, in my past it has taken even less. I’ve been close to adopt teachings because they have given me loads of insights as to how things work. And the more I’ve been impressed by their wisdom, the easier it has been for me to disregard the flaws and unsubstantiated claims of these teachings.

In the times we live in, there are many spiritual “truths” out there. I’ve spoken about this in other posts and I will probably keep talking about it till I find some more clarity.

And all truths cannot be true, unless there is no truth. And if there is no truth, at least that much is true. 

A side note that warrants several posts on its own, but that I will just briefly mention here, is that false prophets are part of the endtimes-prophecies of The Bible. And there are other contemporary things that seem to fit in uncomfortably with these prophecies as well. But this is, as I said, too big of a topic to be explored here. And it would call for much more research than I have time for at the moment. 

How can we really know what’s going on inside another person? How can we know if someone is wilfully trying to deceive us? Or if that person has him- or herself been deceived? There are frighteningly many factors that determine what we come to regard as truth, that have nothing to do with whether it’s true or not. For example: how we see ourselves - our identity, how attentive we are at any given moment, which emotional state that we are in and our opinion of the source, just to name a few irrelevant factors with regard to the actual truth, which are all factors that determine what beliefs we choose to adopt or discard.

How wonderful it is to be a sinner

The title of this post is sort of click bait. What I’m talking about here is something akin to the parable quoted in the post-image.

The point is that I’m grateful for my sins, because they make it harder for me to judge others. However, I had to become aware of my sins for this to be the case. In the past, I didn’t see my own sins. Or more specific, I didn’t look at them as sins. As something disgraceful or hurtful, or whichever other label one might give to actions that fit under the label “sin”. So I judged. I still catch myself judging sometimes, I have to admit. In my thoughts, I catch myself doing it quite often, even though I catch myself quicker and quicker and do my best not to believe my judgments. 

Do I judge the pharisee? Let me put it like this: for most of my life I didn’t look properly at myself. So I judged. I could have continued not looking at myself, had it not been for the grace of God. I could have continued being just as bad as the pharisee regarding judgment and I did not get out of this mindset by my own effort. I couldn’t have, since I wasn’t aware of how I was acting. In many other instances, I’m probably still just as “bad”, or “worse” than the pharisee.

Right and wrong? Part 1

Is there such a thing as “right and wrong” in an ultimate sense? I don’t know. It seems as if there is. And if there is, I’d rather try to be right than wrong, rather than to ignore the questions altogether.

Authenticity part 1

 Are YOU there in the things you say and do?

Grandness in smallness

Know that you are infinitely valuable to God. Jesus says that every hair on your head is counted by God. This means that no matter who you are in the world, God cares deeply for you. To God, you are not a small speck of dust. Yet, objectively speaking, no matter who you are, you are small and fragile. No matter who you are, you will grow old. You will die. And there is always someone bigger than you in the world and in the eyes of other people. In comparison to the vastness of the eternity of time and (possible) infinity of the universe, you are basically nothing. Compared to God, you are basically nothing. And yet, you mean everything to God. And the more we recognize this smallness, the more we grow in the eyes of God. The more we humble ourselves in our fragility and weakness, the stronger we become.